Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "The Visit - part 1"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
10 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great chapter Deb. You set the scene well with Cody and Jack sparing with each other, as brothers do. I enjoyed Abby's scene, it was easy to form a picture of it. Enjoyed it, cheers Valda
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Great chapter Deb. You set the scene well with Cody and Jack sparing with each other, as brothers do. I enjoyed Abby's scene, it was easy to form a picture of it. Enjoyed it, cheers Valda
Comment Written 16-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Valda! I''m glad you enjoyed the segment and appreciate your kind words.
Blessings and have a super weekend!
Debs
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, everything was gearing up for a first date with Abby and then the grim reality sets in. Hope she's safe living alone!
Comments:
Codyglanced through ( space)
Lane's elbow (Laine)
â??Jack cocked (extra characters)
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Oh, everything was gearing up for a first date with Abby and then the grim reality sets in. Hope she's safe living alone!
Comments:
Codyglanced through ( space)
Lane's elbow (Laine)
â??Jack cocked (extra characters)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Thank upi for catching what everyone else (including me!) missed, Helen. I appreciate your keen eye more than you know.
Blessings!
Deb
Comment from royowen
It's good to get back to the excitement of your story, Deb. It's always been exciting to read, and now Abby dropped by to ask the question of a tail by Aulers on her, and she's not impressed, but the boys point out that she's not the Lehman's flavour of the month. But I think the kids are on to Abby, great story Deb, great writing, (you better check out some of the hieroglyphs on your story.) loved it, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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It's good to get back to the excitement of your story, Deb. It's always been exciting to read, and now Abby dropped by to ask the question of a tail by Aulers on her, and she's not impressed, but the boys point out that she's not the Lehman's flavour of the month. But I think the kids are on to Abby, great story Deb, great writing, (you better check out some of the hieroglyphs on your story.) loved it, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Uh-oh...hieroglyphs, huh? Not good! lol
Thank you for your kind words, Roy. Always appreciate your input.
Blessings,
Debs
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Well done
Comment from roof35
This is a really interesting chapter with a romance maybe starting to brew. Also the danger signals are flashing again. This is very nicely done. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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This is a really interesting chapter with a romance maybe starting to brew. Also the danger signals are flashing again. This is very nicely done. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Thank you!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
She had to know. It will make her more aware of her surroundings. But, I would prefer her to stay with Cody and his family. Just to be on the safe side. I'll have to wait and see what you've got in mind for her. This was a great chapter, Debs, I enjoy, and laughed out loud at the children's little bomb-shell. LOL how to embarrass your dad in one easy lesson! Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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She had to know. It will make her more aware of her surroundings. But, I would prefer her to stay with Cody and his family. Just to be on the safe side. I'll have to wait and see what you've got in mind for her. This was a great chapter, Debs, I enjoy, and laughed out loud at the children's little bomb-shell. LOL how to embarrass your dad in one easy lesson! Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 14-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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THank you, Sandra! I was fixing some erros as you read, so glad you were able to read it. I do'nt guess I've ever been in edit as someone was on that page. Interesting!
I got a bit tickled at those kids, too. (Is it wrong to admit that? It's like laghing at my own jokes, isn't it? lol) And my husband is so much Jack! I could see my Steve doing that exact reaction. I think Jack has more of Steve in him that I intended! :)
Blessings, my friend!
Debs
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Oh, Yes, I get right inside my characters, and do laugh, and sometimes cry as I'm writing. I've been told that is good. If you can feel what your characters are feeling, you've got it right.
I've had that happen to me a few times as I've been editing. Until you press 'save' it stays the same for people reading it. I think it's good to model your character on someone you know, it comes out in your writing as well. :)) xxx
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
So happy this is beginning anew!
These may be typos:
".(no period) I'd show you, too, but Aunt Laine says I have to go wash my hands for dinner now."
Abby seemed to consider, unbuttoning the top button of her light-weight sweater as she stood. "Perhaps it would be better if we do it another might. You've already had a pretty full day and"" (and... ?)
"He worried you might be somewhat less than enthusiastic. That you might be""(...")
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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So happy this is beginning anew!
These may be typos:
".(no period) I'd show you, too, but Aunt Laine says I have to go wash my hands for dinner now."
Abby seemed to consider, unbuttoning the top button of her light-weight sweater as she stood. "Perhaps it would be better if we do it another might. You've already had a pretty full day and"" (and... ?)
"He worried you might be somewhat less than enthusiastic. That you might be""(...")
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Rebecca! Oh, that evil eddie! One of those was mine, but the other two were HIS doing! lol. I'll run over and fix them now. Many thanks,
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I haven't read all past chapters. But thank you for your summary. That alone deserves five stars. What stands out to me is the chemistry that is clearly on display in this chapter. Your characters have it and that is easy to see as I read it. Wonderful use of dialogue. This was an enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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I haven't read all past chapters. But thank you for your summary. That alone deserves five stars. What stands out to me is the chemistry that is clearly on display in this chapter. Your characters have it and that is easy to see as I read it. Wonderful use of dialogue. This was an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Michael. Stepping in near the end, it must be a bit weird, but I appreciate that you were able to get a feel for the book via the summary. Jack and Cody have been fun characters to create, based on several people I hold in high regard and care for. They're a jumble of them all. :) I think that's what made this, if not 'fun', at least enjoyable to write.
THanks for reading. I'll be putting the whole book up with member cents when the last chapter is posted, hopefully by the end of the month. (Just FYI.)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Okay, romance is in the air but also the danger lingers behind the happy family. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Okay, romance is in the air but also the danger lingers behind the happy family. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Thanks, Iza. HOpefully, it won't be so long next time. I have it almost set to go up...
Blessings and thanks again,
Deb
Comment from AJ McCall
Alright! Another chapter for finding Orion! Yay! (I love this story.) I liked the way it started out as just a regular family dinner, then Abby shows up and Cody's daughter asks him the worst possible question? lol! I have two younger boogers who ask questions like that all the time! I love the way you described Jack's usual behavior as the funny older brother, but Kitman is worried about her safety... I can see why. Will the Lehmans come for Abby? JAck and Cody -- everyone is ready in case their back. Laine seems very scared. And I loved that term: babe-sitting and tamales. lol.
Dressed in orderly's garb, he adinjects a toxin into Cody's IV tubing.
It's his first night out of the hospital. (Jack ,) Laine( )and Travis have come over with tamales for dinner.
"Not you.(")Laine didn't even slow down as she walked past her husband.
Laine froze.
("THey) wouldn't ring the bell, would they, Jackie?" Her voice sounded tight and high-pitched, strained like a rubbr band pulled to it's breaking point.
"Perhaps it would be better if we do it another (might.) You've already had a pretty full day and("")
"You being here won't change that. And it's homemade tamales(")best in the state."
"You're supposed to be eating in there!" he said( )loudly.
Laughter, mostly Michael('s) and Travi(s'), poured from the dining room.
Cody's face changed (form) relief at her smooth change of subject to a total blank. He and Jack exchanged glances.
"He worried you might be somewhat less than enthusiastic. That you might be("")
"I don't( )a babe-sitter!" Abby looked at Jack as she used his terminology, but kept the bulk of her attention on Cody.
Can't wait for the next part! ( I have a feeling Abby and Cody are going to really hit it off.)
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Alright! Another chapter for finding Orion! Yay! (I love this story.) I liked the way it started out as just a regular family dinner, then Abby shows up and Cody's daughter asks him the worst possible question? lol! I have two younger boogers who ask questions like that all the time! I love the way you described Jack's usual behavior as the funny older brother, but Kitman is worried about her safety... I can see why. Will the Lehmans come for Abby? JAck and Cody -- everyone is ready in case their back. Laine seems very scared. And I loved that term: babe-sitting and tamales. lol.
Dressed in orderly's garb, he adinjects a toxin into Cody's IV tubing.
It's his first night out of the hospital. (Jack ,) Laine( )and Travis have come over with tamales for dinner.
"Not you.(")Laine didn't even slow down as she walked past her husband.
Laine froze.
("THey) wouldn't ring the bell, would they, Jackie?" Her voice sounded tight and high-pitched, strained like a rubbr band pulled to it's breaking point.
"Perhaps it would be better if we do it another (might.) You've already had a pretty full day and("")
"You being here won't change that. And it's homemade tamales(")best in the state."
"You're supposed to be eating in there!" he said( )loudly.
Laughter, mostly Michael('s) and Travi(s'), poured from the dining room.
Cody's face changed (form) relief at her smooth change of subject to a total blank. He and Jack exchanged glances.
"He worried you might be somewhat less than enthusiastic. That you might be("")
"I don't( )a babe-sitter!" Abby looked at Jack as she used his terminology, but kept the bulk of her attention on Cody.
Can't wait for the next part! ( I have a feeling Abby and Cody are going to really hit it off.)
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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OH, AJ, thank you for those stars! Even with all the clutter ... I'm so grateful.
And mystified.
I KNOW I corrected tose errors (at least, most of them). So what did I do? Did I copy and paste the original into the email so I could have the computer read it to me, fix the errors and then forget to copy the corrected version into FS? lol. LIKELY! What a goof-ball I am! Blind people! Whatcha gonna do with us, huh? (That's a thing we say all the time here - it's not meant to be offensive! And I have every right to say it, since I'm the blind person! lol)
Thank you for catching all the muck, AJ. It's fixed. But for your trouble, you get a nomination this month!
BLessings and thank you again,
Deb
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You're just too funny Deb! Thank you very much! And, you're welcome!
Comment from robyn corum
Deb,
I am so glad to see another chapter. I didn't want to bug you - people do that to me about books I have in-progress and it puts even more pressure on me. Yuck! Please know I am enjoying this immensely and you're doing a fabulous job with the storyline and characters --
With that said, this chapter is a mess, girlfriend! What are you doing over there? If I didn't know better I'd say you had a glass or two of wine as you posted - and forgot to edit. *smile* [PLEASE know I'm kidding -- no one here can take a joke anymore. Yikes.]
But this really isn't your typical post. It is filled with nits- which I have tried to help with. Ta da!
But please edit so that no one else will even consider running you - this chapter is just too good. FOR REAL.
Notes:
1.) Laine froze. "T(h)ey wouldn't ring the bell,
2.) high-pitched, strained like a rubb(e)r band pulled to (its)
3.) consumed with whatever might be (about) to happen at the door.
--> I say it all the time, but I think this is more appropriate. your choice
4.) "I'd -- we'd all be delighted if you'd stay(.)" Cody smiled
--> not a speech tag
5.) as she stood.
-->when did she sit?
6.) "Perhaps it would be better if we do it another (n)right.
7.) You've already had a pretty full day and(--)"
8.) And it's homemade tamales(--)best in the state."
9.) Abby to sit on the couch as Rachel and/Lainecarried in (plates full) of food.
10.) "You do know(,)" Abby accused.
11.)less than enthusiastic. That you might be(--)"
12.) "I don't (need) a babe-sitter!" Abby looked at Jack as she used his
i really loved this chapter. Hurry and edit and holler at me and I'll pop back over. Thanks~~
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Deb,
I am so glad to see another chapter. I didn't want to bug you - people do that to me about books I have in-progress and it puts even more pressure on me. Yuck! Please know I am enjoying this immensely and you're doing a fabulous job with the storyline and characters --
With that said, this chapter is a mess, girlfriend! What are you doing over there? If I didn't know better I'd say you had a glass or two of wine as you posted - and forgot to edit. *smile* [PLEASE know I'm kidding -- no one here can take a joke anymore. Yikes.]
But this really isn't your typical post. It is filled with nits- which I have tried to help with. Ta da!
But please edit so that no one else will even consider running you - this chapter is just too good. FOR REAL.
Notes:
1.) Laine froze. "T(h)ey wouldn't ring the bell,
2.) high-pitched, strained like a rubb(e)r band pulled to (its)
3.) consumed with whatever might be (about) to happen at the door.
--> I say it all the time, but I think this is more appropriate. your choice
4.) "I'd -- we'd all be delighted if you'd stay(.)" Cody smiled
--> not a speech tag
5.) as she stood.
-->when did she sit?
6.) "Perhaps it would be better if we do it another (n)right.
7.) You've already had a pretty full day and(--)"
8.) And it's homemade tamales(--)best in the state."
9.) Abby to sit on the couch as Rachel and/Lainecarried in (plates full) of food.
10.) "You do know(,)" Abby accused.
11.)less than enthusiastic. That you might be(--)"
12.) "I don't (need) a babe-sitter!" Abby looked at Jack as she used his
i really loved this chapter. Hurry and edit and holler at me and I'll pop back over. Thanks~~
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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No wine, although I may have some now... lol
I type in Word, then transfer it to my email so the computer can read it to me. I think what I may have done is transfer it, correct it with the reader and then NOT copy and paste the new, corrected version, but just paste the one I put in the email. That makes no sense to you, I know, but that HAS to be it. As I read your list I was thinking, 'but I corrected that!' But there they all were, like ghosts haunting me...
I think your #4 error is okay. Since I put a period at the end of the dialogue, Cody smiling isn't a speech tag. Just a short sentence. :)
Thank you so much! Your trouble earned you a nonination for reviewer, at least.
Blessings, my friend. Save some wine for me. lol
Deb
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Did you notice I was saying please DO put a period for #4?
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Blind people! Whatcha gonna do with them!! lol
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hug 'em and love 'em and keep 'em forever and EVER! (certain ones...)
BTW, Did you say you were gonna offer me a reviewing vote? That is so sweet - I haven't gotten it yet, and it won't really matter since I can't win the big place this month, but it makes me feeeeeel gooooddddd. haha
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Hmm. When I hit the 'nominate' button, it said I'd already nominated you this month. Weird. :)
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Deb - you probably have. I try not to pay attention to who does and who doesn't. I hope that doesn't sound like I'm unappreciative. But if I paid attention, I might get upset at the folks I spend an hour on and they never even bother with a thank you. *smile* I apologize.
