The Boat
A 5-7-5 poetry contest entry.214 total reviews
Comment from dennis0530
Your subject is on the pier but the boat is missing. I wish your work should have been titled "The Journey." Maybe it's only me who is looking for it. Since "Boat" is the title but not in your illustration, I miss it.
However, the symbolism of your dilemma is aptly represented in the illustration. The pier is in the shape of a cross in the middle of a vast emptiness. Your outstretched hands fittingly asks the question "how did I get here?"
Though your author's notes confirms it, it was already my interpretation to state that a journey sometimes take us to where we don't want to be. Sadly, we humans are subject to wrong decisions that end up in complicated situations. Even the most thought-out plans can go awry.
We are often cautioned: "use your head not your heart."
But even choices that don't involve the emotions also go wrong. Maybe just a sign of our frailty?
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Your subject is on the pier but the boat is missing. I wish your work should have been titled "The Journey." Maybe it's only me who is looking for it. Since "Boat" is the title but not in your illustration, I miss it.
However, the symbolism of your dilemma is aptly represented in the illustration. The pier is in the shape of a cross in the middle of a vast emptiness. Your outstretched hands fittingly asks the question "how did I get here?"
Though your author's notes confirms it, it was already my interpretation to state that a journey sometimes take us to where we don't want to be. Sadly, we humans are subject to wrong decisions that end up in complicated situations. Even the most thought-out plans can go awry.
We are often cautioned: "use your head not your heart."
But even choices that don't involve the emotions also go wrong. Maybe just a sign of our frailty?
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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If life were so simple that you could make only the right desisions, but then how would we learn? is not life based on learning?
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True, my friend in life we learn from our mistakes. Maybe that somebody who said regret comes later gave us bit of his wisdom. Yes, from childhood we start learning. But why in the world did another wise guy said "we sometimes never learn from our mistakes."
Very true that we react in a wrong way to the same situation hoping maybe that something will change and the results favor us.
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Hi Gabriel,
You have certainly written a classy and clever 5/7/5. I like your rhymes and the fresh originality of the poem.
Best wishes for the contest.
Warm regards, W ^-^
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Hi Gabriel,
You have certainly written a classy and clever 5/7/5. I like your rhymes and the fresh originality of the poem.
Best wishes for the contest.
Warm regards, W ^-^
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much for your complements and review! Much appreciated!
Comment from GracieAnn
Gabrieltheswifter, this 5-7-5 Poetry Contest contest entry has perfect syllable count and has a powerful message about life and the risks we take when we make one small decision at a time. The notes are helpful. All the best in the contest! :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Gabrieltheswifter, this 5-7-5 Poetry Contest contest entry has perfect syllable count and has a powerful message about life and the risks we take when we make one small decision at a time. The notes are helpful. All the best in the contest! :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thank you for you comments and well wishes! :P I'm hoping to win because I'm showing my poem so much!
Comment from Tonulak
I think you were right in your note, as the sparseness of the poem captures the anxiety of taking the journey rather than making the journey. To capture something of interest in a short work is difficult, but you made it happen. great job--Ted
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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I think you were right in your note, as the sparseness of the poem captures the anxiety of taking the journey rather than making the journey. To capture something of interest in a short work is difficult, but you made it happen. great job--Ted
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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thank you for the complements and the 5 stars! :P much appreciated.
Comment from GregoryCody
Great form, good count. You have nice alliteration and assonance. You have a lot of message in so few words. Not an easy feat! This is well penned!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Great form, good count. You have nice alliteration and assonance. You have a lot of message in so few words. Not an easy feat! This is well penned!
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Thank you for saying it was well penned. It took me a while to make it, i really had tons of fun! The really fun part though was seeing peoples opinions on it.
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I bet! Great work.
Comment from Gary D. Hardy
This is a very well written piece, as well as thought provoking. Like most, I've awakened asking how I got here. But I think the most important question to ask is, Did we enjoy the journey?
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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This is a very well written piece, as well as thought provoking. Like most, I've awakened asking how I got here. But I think the most important question to ask is, Did we enjoy the journey?
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Yes indeed, that might very well be the next direction when I make my next 5-7-5. Thank you for the inspiration.
- G
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You're very welcome, it was my pleasure!
Comment from Janet Foor
Stone-still on the pier
yet I know not how to steer--
how did I get here?
Excellent 5/7/5 poem. I often wonder too -- how did I get here?
Good work.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Stone-still on the pier
yet I know not how to steer--
how did I get here?
Excellent 5/7/5 poem. I often wonder too -- how did I get here?
Good work.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the review, I'm glad that it provoked thought.
- G
Comment from Donya Quijote
I love the thought provoking nature of this short poem. The rhetorical question at the end really makes one think. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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I love the thought provoking nature of this short poem. The rhetorical question at the end really makes one think. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Thank you :P I really hope I get good reviews. :P
- G
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
'The Boat' is a well-written and intriguing piece. Not for a moment would I attempt to answer this talented poet's rhetorical question. It was a pleasure to review a work of this caliber.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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'The Boat' is a well-written and intriguing piece. Not for a moment would I attempt to answer this talented poet's rhetorical question. It was a pleasure to review a work of this caliber.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Of this caliber? you honor me sir, truly! I'm very happy that you received it well.
Gabrielswifter, you're very welcome, but I'm a madame and not a sir!
With my best wishes, the Duchess
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you honor me Madame! sorry. (it has happened to me, sorry for not reading your name, i was in a rush.)
Gabrielswifter, you're certainly foriven.
Best wishes, the Duchess
Comment from expressions9
This 5-7-5 says much in these few words. I like the end-line rhymes and the way the poem causes the reader to think of similar life situations. As your author notes explain, our experiences do at times raise questions in our mind.
All the best in the contest!
Christine
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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This 5-7-5 says much in these few words. I like the end-line rhymes and the way the poem causes the reader to think of similar life situations. As your author notes explain, our experiences do at times raise questions in our mind.
All the best in the contest!
Christine
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much for the five stars.