All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "We, the Peaceful Watchers"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
87 total reviews
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Shakespeare? Poo! I guess you're not leaving there any time soon???? lol You want to read Tim Winton's 'Breath'... mostly about surfing. (and holding your breath) The picture and colours of your presentation are superb. I think if I could be a sports person, surfing would be my choice. What a glorious feeling it must be to ride a surfboard. I loved your poem for the way it made me feel. Giddy
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Shakespeare? Poo! I guess you're not leaving there any time soon???? lol You want to read Tim Winton's 'Breath'... mostly about surfing. (and holding your breath) The picture and colours of your presentation are superb. I think if I could be a sports person, surfing would be my choice. What a glorious feeling it must be to ride a surfboard. I loved your poem for the way it made me feel. Giddy
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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aah Giddy, you're a SAINT and you've made my night! Thank you so much ! I wrote this as I was sitting on my beach chair in Pa'ia bay, watching my strong young 15 1/2 year old son, Kai Nalu (his name means "ocean wave" in Hawaiian, by the way), tackle the ocean full on with his boogie board with all his friends. It made me feel good too. Bless you, for being there in spirit with me! :) Sharyn
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Iambic Pentameter blank verse. If this is your first attempt, I applaud your result. You have a good muse. I felt I was riding a wave in your poem. The use of alliteration is very good, imagery is great. I didn't check out the iambic pentameter - but most liines seem to move with good rhythm. All things considered, I think it's great reading and I enjoyed your poem very much. You write with passion and that's important, too.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Iambic Pentameter blank verse. If this is your first attempt, I applaud your result. You have a good muse. I felt I was riding a wave in your poem. The use of alliteration is very good, imagery is great. I didn't check out the iambic pentameter - but most liines seem to move with good rhythm. All things considered, I think it's great reading and I enjoyed your poem very much. You write with passion and that's important, too.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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thx Eleanor - the iambic pentameter works, no worries - checked a million times (but then we all say that, right?)
thx!
Sharyn
Comment from Curly Girly
A beautiful poem and an absolutely lovely image to go with it. There was one line in the first verse and third row:
You wrote:
As care-less, too, we step on new-sunned sand
Suggest:
As careless too, we step on new sunned sand
Lovely. :) CG
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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A beautiful poem and an absolutely lovely image to go with it. There was one line in the first verse and third row:
You wrote:
As care-less, too, we step on new-sunned sand
Suggest:
As careless too, we step on new sunned sand
Lovely. :) CG
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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thx so much CG! :) Sharyn - the hyphen police would suggest the original way I think, though your way is what I would first use! :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh my heavens - and I mean that is what I see when I read this beautiful poem my friend - I cannot believe I will not have a six to rate this when this thing drops down because I think of all your wonderful poems, this is my favorite.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Oh my heavens - and I mean that is what I see when I read this beautiful poem my friend - I cannot believe I will not have a six to rate this when this thing drops down because I think of all your wonderful poems, this is my favorite.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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and a double thank you, of course!
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You are very welcome - an outstanding poem.
Comment from Patti R.
...And you know what?! Shakespeare's mama dressed him funny!
This is incredibly insightful. Have I said that before of your words? You have been a peaceful watcher for some time! Perhaps you once surfed, you crazy woman, you probably did!
We, the peaceful watchers, feel the joy
of time when life was wild as ocean wave,
and every breath had possibilities.
Ah, Sharyn, this brings tears of sadness for the loss of my youth, my daring...
Excellent.
Patti
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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...And you know what?! Shakespeare's mama dressed him funny!
This is incredibly insightful. Have I said that before of your words? You have been a peaceful watcher for some time! Perhaps you once surfed, you crazy woman, you probably did!
We, the peaceful watchers, feel the joy
of time when life was wild as ocean wave,
and every breath had possibilities.
Ah, Sharyn, this brings tears of sadness for the loss of my youth, my daring...
Excellent.
Patti
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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and a big double thank you Patti!
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Smile! You have so much great stuff to write about! I might too, but can't find the voice, the confidence. I envy your gumption Sharyn.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
We, the peaceful watchers, feel the joy
of time when life was wild as ocean wave,
and every breath had possibilities.
How true these lines are! I love to watch surfing and gymastics and all sorts of individual sports where young people do amazing things with their strong, healthy bodies. At the same time, it makes me envious. I am just watching now... my time for doing is past. Old age is crippling. Never know that till it happens. I never really expected it! I should have. But I didn't want to believe it, I suppose.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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We, the peaceful watchers, feel the joy
of time when life was wild as ocean wave,
and every breath had possibilities.
How true these lines are! I love to watch surfing and gymastics and all sorts of individual sports where young people do amazing things with their strong, healthy bodies. At the same time, it makes me envious. I am just watching now... my time for doing is past. Old age is crippling. Never know that till it happens. I never really expected it! I should have. But I didn't want to believe it, I suppose.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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me neither Phyllis - that's why I'm off to the gym right now - forestalling the bloody inevitable, dammit! :) S
Comment from Gungalo
Shakespeare eat your heart out ... well you said we could. LOL. This is good girl and you don't need to be a poetry critic to know it. This was wonderful:
We, the peaceful watchers, feel the joy
of time when life was wild as ocean wave,
and every breath had possibilities.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Shakespeare eat your heart out ... well you said we could. LOL. This is good girl and you don't need to be a poetry critic to know it. This was wonderful:
We, the peaceful watchers, feel the joy
of time when life was wild as ocean wave,
and every breath had possibilities.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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thx Gungalo - yes, I say modestly, this one is good I think! (And so glad you've told Shakespeare so!) :)
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Big time girl!!! LOL