All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 71 "Twenty-five Years"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
89 total reviews
Comment from wordsareus
This poem certainly makes us think about 'truth' and the reality that some married couples are lonely within their marriage union. I can't imagine that there will ever be a Wal Mart card celebrating 25 years of unhappy marriage though.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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This poem certainly makes us think about 'truth' and the reality that some married couples are lonely within their marriage union. I can't imagine that there will ever be a Wal Mart card celebrating 25 years of unhappy marriage though.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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exactly - Wal Mart knows it wouldn't exactly be a best seller, hmm?
Comment from ophanim
Wow! I understand this. Parallel lives. I don't have any suggestions on changing or improving, I'll just say you wrote it well and in a way that will speak to anyone who has experienced it. That would be a lot of people. Excellent work at expressing loneliness in a marriage.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Wow! I understand this. Parallel lives. I don't have any suggestions on changing or improving, I'll just say you wrote it well and in a way that will speak to anyone who has experienced it. That would be a lot of people. Excellent work at expressing loneliness in a marriage.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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thank you so much!
Comment from terry drake
Take the first step. Little ones at first; because you know the thirst. Once you encourage the response nurture it and let it blossom. Good poem but a disappointing read.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Take the first step. Little ones at first; because you know the thirst. Once you encourage the response nurture it and let it blossom. Good poem but a disappointing read.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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You know this is a fictional piece, Terry, right? And what do you mean, please, by "Good poem but a disappointing read?" The poem itself is testimony to a LIFE of disappointment I think, yes?
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Well I was disappointed because I thought it might be true and that would be tragic.
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aaah, we'll take all the emotional empathy we can reap then! :)
Comment from Oldsteamer
Wow what a statement.
I'm aghast that you would use a Wall- Mart card.
Maybe that's why your marriage sucks.
Create a little excitement with an Amex Gold card and kick out the jambs.
Pretty funny poem though.
Regards,
- R -
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Wow what a statement.
I'm aghast that you would use a Wall- Mart card.
Maybe that's why your marriage sucks.
Create a little excitement with an Amex Gold card and kick out the jambs.
Pretty funny poem though.
Regards,
- R -
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Don't worry Ray, the piece is fictional ... but I'll pick hubby's pocket for his Amex card, no worries! :)
Comment from firenice
I am sure the world would be shocked if walmart had a bunch of reality cards. I know nothing of poetry so this is just an uneducated opinion but this seems a little "stiff" to me, for lack of a better word. It doesn't flow easily. Thank you for sharing your work with us and happy writing.
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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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I am sure the world would be shocked if walmart had a bunch of reality cards. I know nothing of poetry so this is just an uneducated opinion but this seems a little "stiff" to me, for lack of a better word. It doesn't flow easily. Thank you for sharing your work with us and happy writing.
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Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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If you know nothing of poetry, you're probably more used to poetry of rhyme and rhythm, not "free verse". May I also suggest that you read up on reviewing skills dear? (You'll find it under "Information" on this site). :)
Comment from dmt1967
This is a sad poem maybe marriage is like that if so I am not getting married again very well written good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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This is a sad poem maybe marriage is like that if so I am not getting married again very well written good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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thx dmt!
Comment from adewpearl
what a gorgeous portrait!!
I'm laughing at the Walmart card LOL
lives/eyes - excellent proximate rhyme
I also like achieve/believe
Oh, you broke my heart with this poem and the way the truth contrasts so sadly with the exuberance of the opening
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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what a gorgeous portrait!!
I'm laughing at the Walmart card LOL
lives/eyes - excellent proximate rhyme
I also like achieve/believe
Oh, you broke my heart with this poem and the way the truth contrasts so sadly with the exuberance of the opening
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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oh Brooke, that's awfully sweet of you to review before I'd even promoted it! thank you so much!
Comment from donaldww
I think this is a pungent expression of loneliness. Well written from start to finish. Also has some dry humour, with the Wal-Mart card being the bearer of the wonderful 25 years together news.
If this is real, I hope this pair realizes that laughing, candles, flowers, etc. are as much for older people as young.
Cheers, DW
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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I think this is a pungent expression of loneliness. Well written from start to finish. Also has some dry humour, with the Wal-Mart card being the bearer of the wonderful 25 years together news.
If this is real, I hope this pair realizes that laughing, candles, flowers, etc. are as much for older people as young.
Cheers, DW
Comment Written 21-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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thx DW - you caught it - I thought it was on preview! yikes! But wow wow wow! thank you SO much for your treasured '6'!
Comment from Flamingbush
Now there's lonliness, being together but not really being together. No true meeting of mind or soul.
"we just achieve, all the while believing that this is how it's meant to be" - how sad! (you might want to check on the missing "is" in this sentence)
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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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Now there's lonliness, being together but not really being together. No true meeting of mind or soul.
"we just achieve, all the while believing that this is how it's meant to be" - how sad! (you might want to check on the missing "is" in this sentence)
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Comment Written 21-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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oops! it was supposed to be on preview! sorry dear! thx for the catch!
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You're welcome.