How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Micro-Critting"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
97 total reviews
Comment from Wendyanne
Hi Jay. I really enjoy the way that you describe the process of writing in order to catch the reader's interest in such a down-to-earth manner. You always manage to maintain my interest. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Hi Jay. I really enjoy the way that you describe the process of writing in order to catch the reader's interest in such a down-to-earth manner. You always manage to maintain my interest. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Thank you, Wendyanne for your kind words. I'm glad you're enjoying the series and hope you stay aboard.
Jay
Comment from GrandmaSharon
I do enjoy your little writing instruction book mislabled (or not) as a critiquing book.
If I haven't already saved this to my bookcase, I will have to do it now. Thanks.
God bless you
Sharon
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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I do enjoy your little writing instruction book mislabled (or not) as a critiquing book.
If I haven't already saved this to my bookcase, I will have to do it now. Thanks.
God bless you
Sharon
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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What a fine compliment that is, Sharon! I am so pleased that you put this series in your bookcase. Thank you, thank you.
Jay
Comment from ooo JO ooo
Hi Jay,
This is excellent as I knew it would be. You pulled me along from first word to last. Your assertions—in addition to the examples, make loads of sense. This chapter is an eye-opener and somewhat discouraging, because of the extraordinary challenge we face when we sit down at the keyboard. It's so easy to fall short or fail, and incredibly difficult to get all those vital elements in place.
Thanks again!
Jo
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Hi Jay,
This is excellent as I knew it would be. You pulled me along from first word to last. Your assertions—in addition to the examples, make loads of sense. This chapter is an eye-opener and somewhat discouraging, because of the extraordinary challenge we face when we sit down at the keyboard. It's so easy to fall short or fail, and incredibly difficult to get all those vital elements in place.
Thanks again!
Jo
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Jo, you are so very kind. I don't think writers of your caliber need to be discouraged by this chapter. I have a hunch you are doing naturally what many of the people for whom this was written have to struggle with -- adding and subtracting after their story is done. Thanks again.
Jay
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Jay, I've been thinking about this comment. I now understand the reasoning behind the expression, "He could sell ice to an Eskimo."
Just kidding! ;) ;) Thanks!
Comment from mslink1
This reads, in part, like the book I have on writing ...lol.
This is a well constructed piece, Jay. You also hold the readers interest by keeping it entertaining. In addition, it's informative. You are quite the saleman:) Mary
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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This reads, in part, like the book I have on writing ...lol.
This is a well constructed piece, Jay. You also hold the readers interest by keeping it entertaining. In addition, it's informative. You are quite the saleman:) Mary
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Then, why ain't I rich! Thanks for your kind words, Mary. I struggled more on this one than any other chapter. I appreciate your coming back to have a go at it.
Jay
Comment from Cairn Destop
If nothing else, this explains why I haven't seen your name on any of my works. I get the feeling that if something is longer than flash, there isn't much chance of a comment and books are something you have an adversion to reading. I do agree that an opening paragraph needs to grab the reader, or fire up his imagination. As you said, a hook is needed. Think you have pointed out the one shortcoming of the site, maybe without intending it, but you used chapter seven as an example. Did you read the other six? If you're like most reviewers here, bet not. Thing is, a story sometimes can get your attention with a visual and there are times when a book chapter changes the book's pace. No SPAG noted, though the use of indentations is jarring when it is a one-liner that extends a word or two to the next due to that initial spacing.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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If nothing else, this explains why I haven't seen your name on any of my works. I get the feeling that if something is longer than flash, there isn't much chance of a comment and books are something you have an adversion to reading. I do agree that an opening paragraph needs to grab the reader, or fire up his imagination. As you said, a hook is needed. Think you have pointed out the one shortcoming of the site, maybe without intending it, but you used chapter seven as an example. Did you read the other six? If you're like most reviewers here, bet not. Thing is, a story sometimes can get your attention with a visual and there are times when a book chapter changes the book's pace. No SPAG noted, though the use of indentations is jarring when it is a one-liner that extends a word or two to the next due to that initial spacing.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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I always look forward to your comments, Cairn. I know that you're not going to sugar-coat anything, but you'll be fair. A bit of a confession. I struggled with this chapter. I feel it is flabby and flawed. I resisted posting it, but lost. It had been so long since the last chapter, I was afraid Fanstorians would stop connecting my name with the series. I have this nagging feelling that if I took out all the humor and fluff the reader would be left with: hook at the beginning and (if a chapter) a hook at the end -- but don't use a hook just for the sake of titillation. The rest is as important as Charlie Brown's parents' words are. Blah-bluh-blah-blah...
No, I did not read the preceding six chapters, though I have the book on my book shelf. Like most of us here, I'm a materialist member-money-grubber. To be able to promote my chapters after they post (an got their gratuitous three crits), I had to have spent weeks to build up my stash. Now that it's posted, I will take the time to go back and take care of my soul-work.
and there are times when a book chapter changes the book's pace. [Bless you for saying that. One might think I viewed a novel as a foot race from chapter one to chapter twenty-five. Toward the middle of a marathon the runner must pace himself (Jay says like he knows), and, likewise, the novel may need to slow and speed up its pace for whatever creative alchemy the writer is using in the telling.
Again, thank you for your close read and your "gold" commentary.
Jay
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I liked that line about "money grubbing," so I bet you would be amazed how many workshops I do and all the two-cent stories.
Think my central point is that you are telling us how you pick your material; now its time you tell us what you're looking for when you review. And don't forget, shorts have a different criteria than the longer works.
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Stay tuned...
Jay
Comment from Plaid
Another great addition to critting, and more importantly, to writing! I enjoyed this chapter very much and will add it to my growing bag of writing tools. The examples were great illustrations of your points.
I didn't see any nits. Thanks for sharing this!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Another great addition to critting, and more importantly, to writing! I enjoyed this chapter very much and will add it to my growing bag of writing tools. The examples were great illustrations of your points.
I didn't see any nits. Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Plaid, your comments are certainly appreciated. Thank you so much, and I hope you find the next segment to your liking. You da bomb!
Jay
Comment from Marc
Heh- a lecture on style embedded on a lecture on critting. dunno if it was your intention, but it comes out as more of a lecture on how the writer should write rather than on how to crit the writing.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Heh- a lecture on style embedded on a lecture on critting. dunno if it was your intention, but it comes out as more of a lecture on how the writer should write rather than on how to crit the writing.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Thank you -- I think... Actually (I really do thank you!) yours was not the only comment on this being as much about writing as critting. I lliterally found myself changing my tack in the middle of a sentence when I realized I was telling the reader how to devise a "hook" instead of telling the critter how to see when a hook is or is not working. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. And, please stay aboard for future installments.
Comment from AlvinTEthington
There is much about this piece I like. Editors like to start with something dramatic, not a description of the setting,at least in my experience. But the editors I work with prefer to start somewhere in the middle and use the flashback technique. What do you think of that? Also, the vulgarism "pee" seems out of place in this otherwise eloquent piece. But you do delineate the difference between the novel and the short story well.
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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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There is much about this piece I like. Editors like to start with something dramatic, not a description of the setting,at least in my experience. But the editors I work with prefer to start somewhere in the middle and use the flashback technique. What do you think of that? Also, the vulgarism "pee" seems out of place in this otherwise eloquent piece. But you do delineate the difference between the novel and the short story well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Thank you for your your commentary, Alvin. Yes, I would agree with using flashback in that manner. I believe the writer should start as close to the climax of a story (I'm thinking of shorter works here), and give the reader the information as it is needed for understanding and congruence thorugh back story.
I appreciate your comment that it would have been eloquent. I'm just sorry I got pee all over it.
Thanks again,
Jay
Comment from MiguelY
I enjoyed the points you made in this chapter, and the setup in making them. Perhaps a bit long-winded to make your points, but that's probably because I prefer a direct approach: purely a matter of taste.
Your narrative style is great; I feel like I'm across the kitchen table from you. Nice job, too, on illustrating your points well.
A few things to look at before considering this chapter complete:
"... we've put on our clothes back on ..." You can remove the first "on" here.
"How's this be for my opening?" Here you can take out, "be".
"Back to FanStory, does the first sentence, or paragraph, of the story you're reading seem to be promising more than it can deliver?" I'd change the opening comma to a semi-colon.
"...James Joyce's Ulysses..." I'd suggest putting "Ulysses" in italics here.
"Now, the ending of a chapter in a novel is different." Here, you start a new section, although you refer directly to the preceding paragraphs as a logical continuation. Likely you shouldn't have a section break here. Better would be after this paragraph, where there's a logical break. Also: this paragraph ends in a colon; change to a period.
"...and amble up the isle toward the door." Here, "isle" means a small island and should be changed to "aisle".
Much enjoyed. Miguel.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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I enjoyed the points you made in this chapter, and the setup in making them. Perhaps a bit long-winded to make your points, but that's probably because I prefer a direct approach: purely a matter of taste.
Your narrative style is great; I feel like I'm across the kitchen table from you. Nice job, too, on illustrating your points well.
A few things to look at before considering this chapter complete:
"... we've put on our clothes back on ..." You can remove the first "on" here.
"How's this be for my opening?" Here you can take out, "be".
"Back to FanStory, does the first sentence, or paragraph, of the story you're reading seem to be promising more than it can deliver?" I'd change the opening comma to a semi-colon.
"...James Joyce's Ulysses..." I'd suggest putting "Ulysses" in italics here.
"Now, the ending of a chapter in a novel is different." Here, you start a new section, although you refer directly to the preceding paragraphs as a logical continuation. Likely you shouldn't have a section break here. Better would be after this paragraph, where there's a logical break. Also: this paragraph ends in a colon; change to a period.
"...and amble up the isle toward the door." Here, "isle" means a small island and should be changed to "aisle".
Much enjoyed. Miguel.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Thank you so much for your helpful insights, Miguel and your kind words. The three obvious ones I changed on the spot. Oh, also the title of the book needing to be in quotes. I can't count the number of times I edited my piece, both printed out and on the screen. They skittered on past me each time. There are two other suggestions you made that I'll have to live with a while. I do, so much, admire your writing and appreciate your input.
Jay
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Thanks..upgraded. Appreciate this series.
Comment from In Memoriam
High fives, confetti and little fruit medley candies for you Jaysquires. You certainly take the long way to the point and just when it's about to drive me nutty, I start to laugh! You have wonderful points and great lines throughout.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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High fives, confetti and little fruit medley candies for you Jaysquires. You certainly take the long way to the point and just when it's about to drive me nutty, I start to laugh! You have wonderful points and great lines throughout.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Thanks, Julia. I believe in the K-I-S-S method, but I've modified the last "S" to Keep it Simple, sustaining it for as many words as you can. Thank you for being gentle with me. I know I do tend to chat. I guess as long as you end up laughing -- and learn a few things...
Jay