The Boat
A 5-7-5 poetry contest entry.214 total reviews
Comment from ElPoetry001
Short, but it does suggest a message for reflection on the failure to have a plan. But it only serves as a prompt.
For me, when reading a poem or a story, I want the vicarious ride towards glory, or death, or mystery, or love, or failure, or success.
Provide descriptive words that take me to a place, where life can be experienced through the life of the writer.
I become one of the characters, and they become me, and we becomes us, and we are all there. Will we escape, do we dare?
Words are the power and the glory, with infinite meanings, to tell the story, to generalize or parse, take us away and bring us home, let us fly, let us roam, feeling the emotions that words create, and wakeup to find yourself at our own gate.
So tell where did you want to go when you sought to leave the pier, and what has kept you here.
Reflect for a while and tell me then how the journey started,
Even "Dorothy" had a story to tell, even though it did not all go well. But I was there, the Tin Man each day, when I got up and tried to shake the stiffness away, and the Straw Man when it just would not come together and I needed a brain, and I just wanted to be somebody but I couldn't find my heart, but I succeeded vicariously.
Write again, take me along, I am free all week.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
  |
Short, but it does suggest a message for reflection on the failure to have a plan. But it only serves as a prompt.
For me, when reading a poem or a story, I want the vicarious ride towards glory, or death, or mystery, or love, or failure, or success.
Provide descriptive words that take me to a place, where life can be experienced through the life of the writer.
I become one of the characters, and they become me, and we becomes us, and we are all there. Will we escape, do we dare?
Words are the power and the glory, with infinite meanings, to tell the story, to generalize or parse, take us away and bring us home, let us fly, let us roam, feeling the emotions that words create, and wakeup to find yourself at our own gate.
So tell where did you want to go when you sought to leave the pier, and what has kept you here.
Reflect for a while and tell me then how the journey started,
Even "Dorothy" had a story to tell, even though it did not all go well. But I was there, the Tin Man each day, when I got up and tried to shake the stiffness away, and the Straw Man when it just would not come together and I needed a brain, and I just wanted to be somebody but I couldn't find my heart, but I succeeded vicariously.
Write again, take me along, I am free all week.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Thank you for this poetic drive, I believe I wrote this truly because I was coming into this site. I had no fans at the time, no people helping me shape my work and aiding me in my way and so I was at that moment, "Where am I?"
Comment from ragamuffin
There is much to think about in these few lines and syllables. I believe that many will be able to apply something from their own life and be able to well relate to this piece. I certainly can. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
|
There is much to think about in these few lines and syllables. I believe that many will be able to apply something from their own life and be able to well relate to this piece. I certainly can. Nicely done!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Thank you ragamuffin, your comments are appreciated and helpful.
Comment from KinaSalad
Hi Gabriel, what a wicked 5-7-5 poem here. This is just so brilliantly thought up. It reminds me of myself being stone-still, love the authors notes as well. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
 |
Hi Gabriel, what a wicked 5-7-5 poem here. This is just so brilliantly thought up. It reminds me of myself being stone-still, love the authors notes as well. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
I really appreciate your six stars again, :P I love getting six stars so much! :P
Comment from Thatguypk
My first inclination was to answer the question you pose in the poem, with... "You walked?" ...but perhaps that's flippant. I kind of got the gist of what your were expressing without the aid of your author notes, but I was delighted that they ratified my thoughts. Well written.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
|
My first inclination was to answer the question you pose in the poem, with... "You walked?" ...but perhaps that's flippant. I kind of got the gist of what your were expressing without the aid of your author notes, but I was delighted that they ratified my thoughts. Well written.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Thank you very much for your comments, complements, and review! :P much appreciated.
Comment from dragonpoet
The person in the picture seems to be maybe praying for the help he needs to find the right path again.
The poem states a problem some people have of picking the wrong way to go and not know how to make the u-turn to go back to the beginning again.
Good luck and keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
 |
The person in the picture seems to be maybe praying for the help he needs to find the right path again.
The poem states a problem some people have of picking the wrong way to go and not know how to make the u-turn to go back to the beginning again.
Good luck and keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Did you read the author notes? I think you would appreciate them.
-
Yes, I read the notes. I did appreciate them. Is the boat the return to the right course.
dragonpoet
-
Yes, I read the notes. I did appreciate them. Is the boat the return to the right course.
dragonpoet
-
mhm it is :P
-
Did you think it needed any work? (thats what they rate four stars for) If so what would you suggest? (just mentioning it because your review doesn't look like I did anything wrong with it, not trying to force you to change it or anything.)
-
I am not a user of IM or texting what does mhm mean.
dragonpoet
-
Mhm means yeah, sure, or yes.
Comment from misscookie
I thought your artwork was very clever,
This is what I call a food for thought poem...
Meaning after you read it you go Hmm.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
|
I thought your artwork was very clever,
This is what I call a food for thought poem...
Meaning after you read it you go Hmm.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Thank you very much (your name is food for thought miss cookie) :P
-
Your very welcome. and that's was cute.
Comment from Jade Lawson
Hi. I enjoyed reading this poem, the picture complements it very well. Really introspective. So many times we wonder about what if's and Why's.
Good luck in this contest. You follow well the contest rules and it is an interesting poem.
Thank you :)
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
|
Hi. I enjoyed reading this poem, the picture complements it very well. Really introspective. So many times we wonder about what if's and Why's.
Good luck in this contest. You follow well the contest rules and it is an interesting poem.
Thank you :)
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Thank you very much for the review and comments angel
- G
-
welcome x
Comment from dmt1967
This is another good description of life and how are discussions make up which exit we take very well put in a short poem good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
|
This is another good description of life and how are discussions make up which exit we take very well put in a short poem good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Thank you very much for the review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, gabrieltheswifter, you did an excellent job writing this 5 7 5 poem about the way we always find ourselves somewhere without knowing how we got there. i remember arriving at the walmart parking lot but not remembering the landmarks that i normally pass.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
|
this is very well written, gabrieltheswifter, you did an excellent job writing this 5 7 5 poem about the way we always find ourselves somewhere without knowing how we got there. i remember arriving at the walmart parking lot but not remembering the landmarks that i normally pass.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
XD I know how that feels! :P Thank you for the reviews.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
A great poem and a great picture as well. I viewed in wonderment for the view of this poems meaning became crystal clear due to the authors note, an enjoyable write and awesome duo.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
|
A great poem and a great picture as well. I viewed in wonderment for the view of this poems meaning became crystal clear due to the authors note, an enjoyable write and awesome duo.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
-
Thank you very much.