Comment from Perp Ihebom

Excellent

This poem about love is written with finesse and mastery of diction. However, it seems to scorn love(erotic love) and at the same time crave it. Makes the reader think and ponder. cheers

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

It's meant to do exactly that, Perp. You've got the message, my dear! :))Sharyn

Comment from marijmd

Excellent

This was just lovely. I love the way the words drop at the end - very poignant.
These lines resonate with me as well - filled with longing!
but those pillows stay unruffled, unwrinkled, and music
echoes empty, as sticky-notes confetti to the floor

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

thank you so much my dear - so glad we've 'vibed' in sync on this one!
Bless you!
Sharyn

Comment from ravenblack

Exceptional

I was hoping the last post was not autobiographical but I guess it was. Stay strong ( viewing from this write, you are). Your description of home reads like an impassioned rap. As well as your love for your sons. There is a definite tinge of defiance, maybe after all the towers of dishes feeling you are better off anyway. But the defiance gradually begins to wind down,your vulnerability/pain coming through in slowing down to the last 4 stark, staggered lines. Hang in there.

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

hey rb - not so bad my dear - I'm actually enjoying some solitude time at the moment and so is my sweetie. I guess it's "that" time of life. We'll see where we go next. Being a drama queen and a theatre buff, I like to slip into these roles and try them on for size. Don't take me too seriously, but thank you so much for your empathy, my dear.
:)Sharyn

Comment from Patti R.

Excellent

Internal, internal, infernal, but eternal internal rhyme rules in this beauty!
I dunno - I don't much want to talk about love at this 'juncture' either! Bah humbug! Can't help but spray a personal veneer over this one, leaving to think, no leaving me to feel that if he never came back but called from time to time, I'd be alright with that. But that's just me.

Are you managing the B&B okay on your own?

Patti

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

I had some assonance fun with this one - words are so musical, aren't they? I PM'd you, by the way. B&B is easy, even on roller-skates - especially now that Kai is out of school and has his licence. No teachers to go duke it out with for at least 6 weeks. GRRR! :)S

Comment from debskatz

Exceptional

Hi visionary1234,

I truly enjoyed your poem. I thought it was going one way but it went another which made it even more poignant. It reads beautifully and is easy to understand. Love the rhymes and alliterations you have in it.

Very Nice Job! Thank you for sharing & good luck in the contest!

smiles,

deb

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

Bless you for your wonderful six on this one, Deb. I'm so glad I led you up the garden path and then down another one - I think 'surprise' and the 'unexpected' is what gives life to writing, hmm? thank you so much for your lovely review and for your appreciation - I appreciate BACK, in return!
Blessings,
Sharyn

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

This is so well written I want to sing its praises, yet so sad that I can't do it. You really got to my emotions, and that's the whole point of poetry. You've described so well how it must feel to have the man you once loved gone. Hope it's not based on truth.

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

oh bless you Phyllis - I'm so glad you're moved by this piece because that's what good poetry is meant to do, right? Jeff's been away for a couple of months and will be away even longer by the looks of things - he's off searching for the meaning of life, especially important since his mom has passed. And I can respect that. I want him to go search and take quiet time for a while - he's very much a 'people' person, which I am not, so he enjoys big crowded places like LA (which I also do not). We still love and miss each other, but time alone is not a bad thing at this juncture.

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 17-Jun-2013

You are a saint. And a very trusting saint at that. I can't imagine Mark ever wanting to be away from me for more than a few weeks. He was in China for work last year for two weeks and we both went nuts. Then, everyone is different, and I'm sure it works for you. At least you can talk every day. Mark could only contact me three times the whole period he was in China because they are so strict on internet access and email, so this fall when he goes back he'll have it set up so we can stay in touch.

Where did your hubby go, anyway? Touring the world or something? Months is a lot of days ...must be filling them up with something somewhere. Just being nosey, as is my nature. :)

reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

not at all Phyllis - his mom was dying. I knew what was happening but my hubbie and his sister really didn't seem to cotton on to it. She was 95 for goodness' sake. She was stopping eating and losing weight. She was telling us it was her time. I kicked him out to go and be with her. And he's very glad I did. They say men go through some kind of catharsis when a mother dies. I know I did when my dad passed away suddenly. It's more than grief. It's a whole internal change - probably a reminder of our own mortality and if we want to do something with our lives we'd better damned well get off our butts and DO IT NOW. I think he just got that message. I'm happy where I am and don't want to be in L.A. But hubby is a people person, and beautiful scenery and quiet life doesn't really do it for him. If I could sell here, I would - just so he could have his 'turn' and we could all be together. Splitting up a 'family' doesn't work for long - I don't need anyone to tell me that. But I don't want him to blame me for 'holding him back' from something ELSE he "wanted to do". So I told him to go do it, find it, explore, have some alone time and think about what he wants for his/my/our future. We're both doing that at the moment. We really do love each other - but it has never been easy. So we're sort of at a 'crossroads' at the moment ... all a bit sudden, but I guess it had to happen some time. Fingers crossed. Kind of sucks. But at the same time, I actually enjoy being by myself for a while. Forever? Hmm .. that would be a different story.

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 17-Jun-2013

Makes sense now. Maybe it's time to move back to CA, not LA, but a suburb nearby if that's where he wants to be. Mark would never survive in the country, and I detest the city. He goes into Chicago himself on Saturdays and does standup comedy or visits jazz clubs. I stay home. I go out the the sticks of PA to see relatives and he stays here to care for the dogs. It works. There's always a compromise if you look for one.

Enjoy your free time while you can. I am a BIG fan of being left to do what I want all by myself. Just, as you say, not ALL the time.

reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

Thanks Mama Phyllis! :)))

reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

Thanks Mama Phyllis! :)))

reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

Thanks Mama Phyllis! :)))

Comment from S.Yocom

Exceptional

Wow! What a wonderful poem, Sharyn! It is simply beautiful, and I'm not ashamed to say that it brought tears to my eyes. If it doesn't win the contest, then there is no justice. This poem is amazing.
Sally

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

Tears are GOOD Sally! Then I know I've done something right, yes? And you also know that the contest will probably be won by something mushy, but I couldn't bear to write one of those. Thank you so very, very much for your wonderful six on this one. I treasure it as I highly value your opinion.

Big hugs and 'mahalo'!
Sharyn

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

OK!!! Lets pass on talking about love...Very well said and very well written. A good smooth read and what wording. Sad!!! And I love the picture. great choice... luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

'nuff already! Thanks so much Linda dear. How are YOU????
:)Sharyn

reply by l.raven on 17-Jun-2013

Hanging in there....LOL Some times really wanting to hang in there. LOL But doing good. And how are you???? luff ya Linda

reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

I'm doing fine Linda - Jeff has been away for the last couple of months, tending to his mom in LA - and will be away for at least one more month. So the drama queen in me just loves to 'try on' emotions of love and loss. Though, of course, there's a factual base there, as we're both reassessing our lives and relationship, and what we want for the future. So - also - a crossroads ... call it a mid-life crisis, but a relatively calm one! :))

reply by l.raven on 17-Jun-2013

Understand just what you are saying....me too xxoo

Comment from Titan Black

Excellent

I love your notes. Therefore, you have the writing skillz
to pay the bills. I like the fact that you try to express love
throughout your writing. Refusing to be negative. Fumbling
with discomfort, while wrapping your heart with heavy armor?
That's where it's at. Keep writing.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

Bless you TB! Thank you so much for seeing the different 'layers' of my writing - so much appreciated!
"Mahalo"!
Sharyn

Comment from Titanx9

Exceptional

Nobody does it quite like you, my friend. It's a story of a love life all wrapped up in disappointment, disillusionment and despair in equal measures. The ending was even sadder. You wrote a masterful piece that's filled with emotion, yet it is steeped in humanity. Great job. I wish you well in the contest!

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013

oh Dossie you're a treasure - you always make me feel so brilliant! I didn't want a mushy, soggy write - and so many of them usually are. Being a drama queen, it's easy for me to step into other emotional shoes and, of course, we've all had SOME experience of love and loss, yes?

I so much appreciate your lovely six on this one my dear.

Blessings, and many, many thanks :)Sharyn