Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Lafferty's Last Ride"A collection of my poems
85 total reviews
Comment from Sweet Anita
This is a great story with perfect rhyming. You have an excellent chance of winning the contest with this work. No nit-picking from me! :-) Good luck in the contest.
Nita
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This is a great story with perfect rhyming. You have an excellent chance of winning the contest with this work. No nit-picking from me! :-) Good luck in the contest.
Nita
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Nita.
Try putting that into a song - it would be longer than Alice's Restaurant!
As for winning the contest, I'm not so sure, but I hope I've given it a good shake.
Steve
Comment from words
I enjoyed your colorful epic tale.
I especially appreciated the ironic ending:He resolved in that bleak moment to end his wretched life.
His mind made up, a blissful peace engulfed him like a wave,
"One cigarette before I go will help me to be brave."
And there upon the packet, in bold print it did announce,
"The finest leaf you'll ever taste - the tobacco, that's what counts!"
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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I enjoyed your colorful epic tale.
I especially appreciated the ironic ending:He resolved in that bleak moment to end his wretched life.
His mind made up, a blissful peace engulfed him like a wave,
"One cigarette before I go will help me to be brave."
And there upon the packet, in bold print it did announce,
"The finest leaf you'll ever taste - the tobacco, that's what counts!"
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you.
The ending was all I had to start with - it came from an old joke my father used to tell and really relied on people knowing that Playters cigarettes used the slogan 'It's the tobacco that counts.'
I half expected reviewers to rip me to shreds for totally changing the tone in the last lines, but they've either accepted it or never got that far...
Steve
Comment from nomi338
This in my estimation is a masterpiece. To me this rivals any and all the great narrations I have ever read. The reader is taken along on the exciting adventures of the hero as he emerges from one great adventure to another. Anyone who takes the time to nitpick about the particulars of dates and specific battles is a waster of time and fun. This is quite obviously a work of fiction, but what a work. I found it to be quite exciting and entertaining. I loved it so much that I would have been quite willing to purchase it. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys a really good story. Kudos!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This in my estimation is a masterpiece. To me this rivals any and all the great narrations I have ever read. The reader is taken along on the exciting adventures of the hero as he emerges from one great adventure to another. Anyone who takes the time to nitpick about the particulars of dates and specific battles is a waster of time and fun. This is quite obviously a work of fiction, but what a work. I found it to be quite exciting and entertaining. I loved it so much that I would have been quite willing to purchase it. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys a really good story. Kudos!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much for your enthusiastic review - I really appreciate it.
No nitpickers so far - hopefully I've left them very little to criticise.
I am glad you got so much enjoyment out of it - it was fun to write as well, although I'm ready for a break now!
Thanks again.
Steve
Comment from Piggies Grandma
I enjoyed reading your poem steveh it is cleverly written and very well thought out. The story was told very well, it's a shame you killed him off at the end though.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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I enjoyed reading your poem steveh it is cleverly written and very well thought out. The story was told very well, it's a shame you killed him off at the end though.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my lengthy piece.
I do appreciate it.
Steve
Comment from rashi kumar
A very moving EPIC actually!
Though it is very long,
but it keeps the interest alive.
Very well-written!
I am amazed at the lines
'Now your Muslim don't like pork fat, and your Hindu won't touch beef,
And this small misunderstanding caused an awful lot of grief.'
Very true,this was the main cause behind the rise of Indian revolt against the British.
A lot, an epic can describe how we fought bravely for our independence against the cruelty and extreme partiality of british. But this story has a different point of view and I should appreciate it.
Kudos!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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A very moving EPIC actually!
Though it is very long,
but it keeps the interest alive.
Very well-written!
I am amazed at the lines
'Now your Muslim don't like pork fat, and your Hindu won't touch beef,
And this small misunderstanding caused an awful lot of grief.'
Very true,this was the main cause behind the rise of Indian revolt against the British.
A lot, an epic can describe how we fought bravely for our independence against the cruelty and extreme partiality of british. But this story has a different point of view and I should appreciate it.
Kudos!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you for your understanding review. I was a little worried about offending people, although I tried to be fair. So far only one reviewer has complained about me glorifying British imperialism - I've asked him to take a second look, because I really don't think I have done that, even though it is from the point of view of a British soldier.
Thanks again - I appreciate you taking the time.
Steve
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You have seen British Imperialism with your point of view.
I have grown up hearing from my grand parents how British tortured and killed us,they were more than just cruel.And I studied about it later in detail.The sufferings of my people cannot be put into words,
But how can I complain?Now Indians are the best enemies of Indians.
And I would appreciate every one's view for their nation.Like I love mine immensely, all love theirs.
Great poem!!
Comment from smudge
This is an account in verse of various wars. It has a certain amount of human interest. My grandfathers uncle was a sergeant major in India North West frontier and he spoke of the slaughter he called "the black hole of Calcutta" as a professional soldier it was very bad.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This is an account in verse of various wars. It has a certain amount of human interest. My grandfathers uncle was a sergeant major in India North West frontier and he spoke of the slaughter he called "the black hole of Calcutta" as a professional soldier it was very bad.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my piece - I appreciate it. It seems a long time ago, but really not that many generations...
Steve
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your welcome
Comment from peggles
My goodness this was long
but well worth the time
it is informative so interesting
and brim full of historical detail
I think you must have spent so time getting these facts spot on
I wish you the very best in the contest
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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My goodness this was long
but well worth the time
it is informative so interesting
and brim full of historical detail
I think you must have spent so time getting these facts spot on
I wish you the very best in the contest
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my rather lengthy piece - I certainly appreciate it.
Steve
Comment from Frankeddy
Charming poem,moved right along with lots of traveling and action.
You have a wonderful gift of rhyming.
Well selected accompanying picture put into a nice bright, easy to read setting.
Your last verse throws in a good bit of humor.
Well done. Frankeddy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Charming poem,moved right along with lots of traveling and action.
You have a wonderful gift of rhyming.
Well selected accompanying picture put into a nice bright, easy to read setting.
Your last verse throws in a good bit of humor.
Well done. Frankeddy
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my rather lengthy piece - I certainly appreciate it.
Steve
Comment from BothePo8
This is a right, good yarn! It is clear, focused and very original. It is interesting and well constructed. The rhythm is very good but the rhythm falters just a little from place to place. Examples; When radio and airplanes were a visionary's dream ( 12 syllables ) , To each soldier that enlisted, like the subject of my verse ( 13 syllables ), A lack of local knowledge meant attack had scant appeal ( 14 syllables ).
However, this was so well written that this inconsistency is easily overlooked.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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This is a right, good yarn! It is clear, focused and very original. It is interesting and well constructed. The rhythm is very good but the rhythm falters just a little from place to place. Examples; When radio and airplanes were a visionary's dream ( 12 syllables ) , To each soldier that enlisted, like the subject of my verse ( 13 syllables ), A lack of local knowledge meant attack had scant appeal ( 14 syllables ).
However, this was so well written that this inconsistency is easily overlooked.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review so thoroughly.
The meter is deliberately varied in places - any poem this long would become very sing-songy and monotonous if every foot was in place. Thank you for seeing past that to the other qualities - I( appreciate it.
Steve
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A pleasure!
Comment from moyramouse
Wow! Steve you have done magnificently to sustain this poem through so many historical episodes. It was Kiplingesque!!!! As I came to the end of one episode off we went to another country and another episode remembered from those History lessons long ago! Lafferty was a fine hero and I was pleased he found time to fall in love. When she died in childbirth it gave him the opportunity to take off once again, and the final line just had me shrieking so loudly Terry came to see what was the matter! Very well done = it is a brilliant monologue to read aloud. I wish Lafferty and yourself lots of luck in the competition. It is a triumph. I'm only sorry that I'm out of 6 stars. xxxxxxmouse
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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Wow! Steve you have done magnificently to sustain this poem through so many historical episodes. It was Kiplingesque!!!! As I came to the end of one episode off we went to another country and another episode remembered from those History lessons long ago! Lafferty was a fine hero and I was pleased he found time to fall in love. When she died in childbirth it gave him the opportunity to take off once again, and the final line just had me shrieking so loudly Terry came to see what was the matter! Very well done = it is a brilliant monologue to read aloud. I wish Lafferty and yourself lots of luck in the competition. It is a triumph. I'm only sorry that I'm out of 6 stars. xxxxxxmouse
Comment Written 04-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2011
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I think I learnt more history doing this than I did in my entire sixth form year! I am glad you enjoyed it and found time to read through to the slightly dodgy ending - that was an old joke of my father's - probably from his WWII years when Players cigarettes had that slogan. I'll happily take the virtual six - as for the competition I'm not so sure - Carol (Pixel) reckons the judges are Tom and his cat - let's hope neither of them goes to sleep before the ending...
Steve