Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Mother Dust"An extended story in poem form
118 total reviews
Comment from Dustman6180
I enjoyed the read, Mike. The words are well put together. I'm not sure I know where the wandering man has been, yet. Has there been a nuclear blast, and he alone is left?
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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I enjoyed the read, Mike. The words are well put together. I'm not sure I know where the wandering man has been, yet. Has there been a nuclear blast, and he alone is left?
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Dustman. His past and whether he is the last person alive shall be revealed through future chapters. I'm so glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from Rasp E
Beautiful! Strong meter, non-annoying rhyme, and a vivid topic. You get the highest marks. I knew within the first stanza this would be a quality read - thank you for such great work.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Beautiful! Strong meter, non-annoying rhyme, and a vivid topic. You get the highest marks. I knew within the first stanza this would be a quality read - thank you for such great work.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you for the fantastic review :-). I'm glad I was able to be original and interesting with this one. I was determined to get it right. Thanks for your wonderfully encouraging comments :-)
Mike
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Good idea!
I only know that I must seek
a purpose where I can.
Through desolation's aftermath,
I am the Wand'ring Man. [ I enjoyed these lines specially- the poem is smooth and comes in true colors]
K
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Good idea!
I only know that I must seek
a purpose where I can.
Through desolation's aftermath,
I am the Wand'ring Man. [ I enjoyed these lines specially- the poem is smooth and comes in true colors]
K
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Kashif :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Fleedleflump:
This idea about the Wandering Man
May take readers most anywhere
As he goes from land to land
Or even from sea to air
Put on his hat and set him free
He'll give us many thrills
With all the great things he will see
Make sure you have plenty of quills
Don't want you to think I'm excited about
your project or anything, but get to
writing. love, jan
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Fleedleflump:
This idea about the Wandering Man
May take readers most anywhere
As he goes from land to land
Or even from sea to air
Put on his hat and set him free
He'll give us many thrills
With all the great things he will see
Make sure you have plenty of quills
Don't want you to think I'm excited about
your project or anything, but get to
writing. love, jan
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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He winks at you, 'cross hundred years
and seek to allay all your fears.
Your burdens he will shoulder now
as through the desert sands he ploughs,
with vigour heavy on his back
and cynical against the flak
he trudges on into the dusk,
a shadow man, a human husk.
So wave him on and read his tale,
and pray for all that he prevails ;-)
Mike
Comment from WRITER1
This is very good and it is an interesting plot you're weaving. This poor soul moving from one entitity to another and following a path to where.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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This is very good and it is an interesting plot you're weaving. This poor soul moving from one entitity to another and following a path to where.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the opening to my story.
Mike
Comment from fictionwriter
seems like this man should have died along with the other poor souls, but being left alive and living in this hell, I can't blame him for hating life. Great job
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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seems like this man should have died along with the other poor souls, but being left alive and living in this hell, I can't blame him for hating life. Great job
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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I think he wishes he had, and yet he is driven to keep moving, to find a reason why, or a place where he can be free of his terrible freedom. Thank you :-)
Mike
Comment from Valkarie
This is excellent and you can carry this one on into something more I'm sure of that. It an enigmatic piece of writing and the imagery it portrays is that of a world that has been under a world war of terrific proportions and this man is wondering alone among the desolation searching for something, life of any kind.
Shall I write it? Ha Ha.
Serious...a very creative piece that flows so well with a powerful image and visual plot. Very good.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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This is excellent and you can carry this one on into something more I'm sure of that. It an enigmatic piece of writing and the imagery it portrays is that of a world that has been under a world war of terrific proportions and this man is wondering alone among the desolation searching for something, life of any kind.
Shall I write it? Ha Ha.
Serious...a very creative piece that flows so well with a powerful image and visual plot. Very good.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Valkarie :-). This is definitely a piece about desolation. I'm trying to draw on all sorts of classic tales without actually aping any of them, and doing it as a poem is certainly interesting! Thanks for the great review; I shall endeavour to maintain this level of qwuality through future chapters.
Mike
Comment from Patricia.Green
A scary poem... sort of grim in an entertaining way. I thought your imagery was good, as was your poem's focus and the flow of the story.
Some of the rhymes are not quite right. "Mem'ry" and "fury" for example. No matter how I say it, I can't make it rhyme. And a really outstanding one: "excreta" and "cancer." At that one, I was thinking that you didn't intend to rhyme, but much of the rest fits an abcb rhyming scheme, so it was pretty confusing.
One more thing: "I seek my solace in escape" has too many feet (or, if you're counting syllables, it has one too many syllables).
Other than those things, I think it's a great start on a book. The story has promise!
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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A scary poem... sort of grim in an entertaining way. I thought your imagery was good, as was your poem's focus and the flow of the story.
Some of the rhymes are not quite right. "Mem'ry" and "fury" for example. No matter how I say it, I can't make it rhyme. And a really outstanding one: "excreta" and "cancer." At that one, I was thinking that you didn't intend to rhyme, but much of the rest fits an abcb rhyming scheme, so it was pretty confusing.
One more thing: "I seek my solace in escape" has too many feet (or, if you're counting syllables, it has one too many syllables).
Other than those things, I think it's a great start on a book. The story has promise!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Patricia. I'm really glad you enjoyed the read and took the time to share your reaction with me.
You're right that the rhyme isn't always loyal to its pattern, and not all the even-numbered lines have the same syllable or foot count, but that's something I consciously left in there, and also why I didn't label it as Quatrains, or list my form details. I did consider 'fixing' it, but I was happy with the way it was.
Thanks again for your time.
Mike :-)
Comment from fionageorge
What a great idea you have been tossing around. Good and innovative poetry, which tells a story. A story in a poem. Great imagery created by the use of appropriate, and at time, very interesting and different concepts, creating a fantasy vision for the reader.
Good luck in this endeavour. I for one, look forward to your next chapter. Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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What a great idea you have been tossing around. Good and innovative poetry, which tells a story. A story in a poem. Great imagery created by the use of appropriate, and at time, very interesting and different concepts, creating a fantasy vision for the reader.
Good luck in this endeavour. I for one, look forward to your next chapter. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Marijke :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. There's plenty more on the way!
Mike
Comment from Perp Ihebom
I like this idea of writing a book of poems around the theme of a wandering man. I also enjoyed this very first offering. I t sets the pace for what is to come very well. Nice rhymes in this wisdom-packed piece. kudos
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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I like this idea of writing a book of poems around the theme of a wandering man. I also enjoyed this very first offering. I t sets the pace for what is to come very well. Nice rhymes in this wisdom-packed piece. kudos
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, PI :-). I have ideas for many more chapters. We shall see where he takes us!
Mike