How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Sweet Exegesis"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
81 total reviews
Comment from Oatmeal
jaysquires,
I enjoyed reading this writing very much. Your thoughts about being a critter instead of a reviewer is very cute.
Created impressions through the descriptions are vivid, forceful and making reader think about it.
I enjoyed reading how you take apart a story.
Very entertaining!
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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jaysquires,
I enjoyed reading this writing very much. Your thoughts about being a critter instead of a reviewer is very cute.
Created impressions through the descriptions are vivid, forceful and making reader think about it.
I enjoyed reading how you take apart a story.
Very entertaining!
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Thank you, Oatmeal, for your kind words and your input. Stay aboard, won't you. The next segment digs deeper into the story.
Jay
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Jay,
Truly I am looking forward to it! I will have to become your fan so that I can know right away!
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment from Deni
Wow. I feel like such a goof after reading this. Your depth of understanding is something I know in my heart I will never have. I will write simple, humble things, but I could never write something like this. I am very humbled by reading it.
"I'd show his love for the children and their unqualified love for him; I'd have him singing songs he makes up on the spot about being a Walker Brothers salesman. He never once grumbles, though he doesn't come close to making a sale. He even barely sidesteps a pan of urine poured from the second story window, and then back in the car he makes up a song about it."
This may have been my favorite part. How wonderful. (think that will come as no surprise to you.)
This is definitely a winner.... I have no doubt this will be published. You make critiquing (critting) a story an enjoyable art, and though I hate to suggest it after having done the dirty job myself for a long while, you would be a wonderful teacher.
You also find ways of adding humor to art. I really like that.
I look forward to reading more!
Deni
Oh yeah.... I really have no idea if Erin was Helen Hunt. I would like to think so, since I love both Erin and Helen.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Wow. I feel like such a goof after reading this. Your depth of understanding is something I know in my heart I will never have. I will write simple, humble things, but I could never write something like this. I am very humbled by reading it.
"I'd show his love for the children and their unqualified love for him; I'd have him singing songs he makes up on the spot about being a Walker Brothers salesman. He never once grumbles, though he doesn't come close to making a sale. He even barely sidesteps a pan of urine poured from the second story window, and then back in the car he makes up a song about it."
This may have been my favorite part. How wonderful. (think that will come as no surprise to you.)
This is definitely a winner.... I have no doubt this will be published. You make critiquing (critting) a story an enjoyable art, and though I hate to suggest it after having done the dirty job myself for a long while, you would be a wonderful teacher.
You also find ways of adding humor to art. I really like that.
I look forward to reading more!
Deni
Oh yeah.... I really have no idea if Erin was Helen Hunt. I would like to think so, since I love both Erin and Helen.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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You are so unbelievably kind, Deni. Wow! A sixer! It is always humbling to have someone I respect so much tell me he/'she is getting something out of what I write. I am glad you found out how to work the 6 machine. LOL. Blessings to you.
Jay
Comment from 1archangel
With the skeleton established, it's time now to get to the flesh that is on the bones. Nicely written line...interesting, indeed...informative...gee,in answer to your question...I'm not sure now! Good write.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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With the skeleton established, it's time now to get to the flesh that is on the bones. Nicely written line...interesting, indeed...informative...gee,in answer to your question...I'm not sure now! Good write.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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How nice of you, 1archangel. I've read some of your postings. When I hear positive things from those I admire I feel doubly rewarded.
Jay
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Hey Jay...You've made my day!!!
Comment from lillyrose
GOOD WRITTEN WORK
ARRANGEMENT IS SO PROFESSIONAL AND ALL ELEMENTS SO VERY WELL DONE
EXCELLENT APPROACH AND REALLY WISE COMMENTING
THANKS FOR WRITING
~~LR
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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GOOD WRITTEN WORK
ARRANGEMENT IS SO PROFESSIONAL AND ALL ELEMENTS SO VERY WELL DONE
EXCELLENT APPROACH AND REALLY WISE COMMENTING
THANKS FOR WRITING
~~LR
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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I certainly thank you, LR, for your kindness. I hope you are able to take some of this with you into your critting and your writing.
Jay
Comment from balance67
Hello, jaysquires.
but, don't plan on going back to your seats just yet I promise you the curtain won't rise on the nuts and bolts of critting until intermission is over.
This sentence is too long. Try splitting it into two sentences, like:
but, don't plan on going back to your seats just yet. I promise you, the curtain won't rise on the nuts and bolts of critting until intermission is over. - Period after yet, capitalize I, and possible comma after you. Also, maybe remove the comma after but (not sure about that).
Interesting, in-depth analysis of a short story. Reading this reminded me of another Alice Munro I spotted the other day at Barnes and Noble; I forgot the title, but it was about a teenage girl who ran away from home, and was going through a journey of self-discovery...or something like that. I browsed through it, but looking to what you are saying (through enthusiasm and experience), I have a better grasp of the technical appendages behind short stories.
Short stories are not my style. I like lengthy, in-depth novels, and I work with third-person a lot in my writing (no offense, but first-person often sticks with one person's perspective, and we get the story through one person, instead of multiple perspectives). To me, there's something a wee bit subjective about that. Third-person solves that by a neutral, overall analysis through the development of all the characters (major, minor, named, unnamed, etc), the dialogue/narrative, and the dimensions of personality. I have nothing against short stories, but I cannot possibly pare down my work to that extent (I tried writing like that for my Creative Writing class...didn't work out too well, even through hard work and frustration).
In any event, very enjoyable and enlightening. Once again, I learned something about POV, and about establishing direction in writing. Well done! Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Hello, jaysquires.
but, don't plan on going back to your seats just yet I promise you the curtain won't rise on the nuts and bolts of critting until intermission is over.
This sentence is too long. Try splitting it into two sentences, like:
but, don't plan on going back to your seats just yet. I promise you, the curtain won't rise on the nuts and bolts of critting until intermission is over. - Period after yet, capitalize I, and possible comma after you. Also, maybe remove the comma after but (not sure about that).
Interesting, in-depth analysis of a short story. Reading this reminded me of another Alice Munro I spotted the other day at Barnes and Noble; I forgot the title, but it was about a teenage girl who ran away from home, and was going through a journey of self-discovery...or something like that. I browsed through it, but looking to what you are saying (through enthusiasm and experience), I have a better grasp of the technical appendages behind short stories.
Short stories are not my style. I like lengthy, in-depth novels, and I work with third-person a lot in my writing (no offense, but first-person often sticks with one person's perspective, and we get the story through one person, instead of multiple perspectives). To me, there's something a wee bit subjective about that. Third-person solves that by a neutral, overall analysis through the development of all the characters (major, minor, named, unnamed, etc), the dialogue/narrative, and the dimensions of personality. I have nothing against short stories, but I cannot possibly pare down my work to that extent (I tried writing like that for my Creative Writing class...didn't work out too well, even through hard work and frustration).
In any event, very enjoyable and enlightening. Once again, I learned something about POV, and about establishing direction in writing. Well done! Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Thank you for your fine input, balance67. I have noted your suggestions on sentence length. I'm going to wait until I go through enough crits that I can go in and edit the changes I want to make all at once. Certainly 1st person can be subjective. This is a bit different, though, in that the "story" belongs to the father, Ben. I think you'll see it more from my perspective next time. Will you be there?
Jay
I understand what you're saying. You gave such an interesting perspective; now that you mention it, it didn't feel like the average first-person notion when you talked about it in full. Probably just me.
I'll definitely be there for your next chapter. Thanks for the reply. Take care.
Comment from cmay44
HEY JAYSQUIRES
THIS WAS A VERY HELPFUL ND FASCINATING PIECE OF WORK. YOU DID A SUPER FANTASTIC JOB ON THIS THOUGHTFUL WORK AND ALL THE MORE WONDERFUL SINCE IS IS DESIGNED TO HELP US ALL IS WHAT I ASSUME AND I FOR ONE APPRECIATE IT.
GOD BLESS YOU
LOVE FROM
CAROLYN
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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HEY JAYSQUIRES
THIS WAS A VERY HELPFUL ND FASCINATING PIECE OF WORK. YOU DID A SUPER FANTASTIC JOB ON THIS THOUGHTFUL WORK AND ALL THE MORE WONDERFUL SINCE IS IS DESIGNED TO HELP US ALL IS WHAT I ASSUME AND I FOR ONE APPRECIATE IT.
GOD BLESS YOU
LOVE FROM
CAROLYN
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Thank you so much for your kind support and words, Carolyn. That is what keeps me going.
Jay
Comment from The Dead Girl
I'm afraid I am quite guilty of "sniffing and disseting) nooks mostly, not short stories. Bad habit of reading half, becoming impatient, skipping to the last five chapters to find who done it, or whatever closure there is :-X I then return to the skipped portion and read, after my curiosity is sated. this is a new habit, one i'm not sure why i developed it...
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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I'm afraid I am quite guilty of "sniffing and disseting) nooks mostly, not short stories. Bad habit of reading half, becoming impatient, skipping to the last five chapters to find who done it, or whatever closure there is :-X I then return to the skipped portion and read, after my curiosity is sated. this is a new habit, one i'm not sure why i developed it...
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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As writers, its a good idea to read deeply to enable us to write deeply. Thank you for your kind words.
Jay
Comment from Lokman
Jay?
May I say this was hard to read? It flew from one comment to another, and concentrated on a story many people likely haven't read.
That leaves the young boy and Ben.--Starting with this paragraph, you disinvolve the reader.
I was reading, learning, and then I got stuffed into a book review. Hate them personally. They're rarely correct to my interpretation.
At the end, you brought it back a bit, but you did lose this reader.
Shea
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Jay?
May I say this was hard to read? It flew from one comment to another, and concentrated on a story many people likely haven't read.
That leaves the young boy and Ben.--Starting with this paragraph, you disinvolve the reader.
I was reading, learning, and then I got stuffed into a book review. Hate them personally. They're rarely correct to my interpretation.
At the end, you brought it back a bit, but you did lose this reader.
Shea
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Oooops! Sorry, Shea. And it's not likely to get better. It's not designed as a book review, but as an example of the way to get into a short story and discover what the writer was attempting to do. It was risky. I knew that. But, I truly do thank you for your unabashed commentary. I needed to know.
Jay
Comment from rithwik.lancs
i am new to the scene and not res any of the previous chapters.this chapter is a stand alone one.it explains everything neatly.no complications.all in simple straightforward way.step by step description is helpful more to a writer than a critic.i took a few lessons for my own benefit.i am sure if i read again, i will get another.lesson.
rithwik.lancs
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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i am new to the scene and not res any of the previous chapters.this chapter is a stand alone one.it explains everything neatly.no complications.all in simple straightforward way.step by step description is helpful more to a writer than a critic.i took a few lessons for my own benefit.i am sure if i read again, i will get another.lesson.
rithwik.lancs
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Thank you for your kind words. I hope you will stay aboard for the rest of them.
Jay
Comment from Adora Bayles
I don't know. I will have to print this one out and study it. I haven't read the cowboy story and if I can find it, I will be able to crit this more intelligently. You have piqued my interest.
Adora
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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I don't know. I will have to print this one out and study it. I haven't read the cowboy story and if I can find it, I will be able to crit this more intelligently. You have piqued my interest.
Adora
Comment Written 14-Mar-2007
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2007
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Thanks for your input, Adora. This can be a mixed bag, I realize. I am attempting to do a deep-level analysis of that story full-knowing that the reader of this chapter will not have the book in front of him/her. We'll see... I do so much appreciate your being aboard.
Jay