How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Three More Illusion Crashers"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
95 total reviews
Comment from BellasTales
Hello Jay
Well you have offered some great advice here as well as perspective. The article was very well written. I really enjoyed this piece.
Great read and a good posting
Bella
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007
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Hello Jay
Well you have offered some great advice here as well as perspective. The article was very well written. I really enjoyed this piece.
Great read and a good posting
Bella
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007
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You are very kind, Bella, in your commentary. I do appreciate your being aboard. I hope you stick around for the future installments.
Jay
Comment from tecate
As an accomplished author in my own right I didn't find it necessary to read this article...BS...another delicious piece of direction from my favorite critter...critter? Very possible...I shortened my story about the gold...Cortes stops pacing, "Where's my gold?"
The officer steps forward, "Right outside captain-general."
"Gracias, dismissed."
Isn't that better...Ha! Just thought I'd pull your leg...McKenna
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007
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As an accomplished author in my own right I didn't find it necessary to read this article...BS...another delicious piece of direction from my favorite critter...critter? Very possible...I shortened my story about the gold...Cortes stops pacing, "Where's my gold?"
The officer steps forward, "Right outside captain-general."
"Gracias, dismissed."
Isn't that better...Ha! Just thought I'd pull your leg...McKenna
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007
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And pull it you did, dear friend. Seriously, have you moved forward on your novel. I still have it locked in my mind -- a cast of some very intriguing characters, all with some connection to the gold. Then the plane went down.... You had so much going for it. I hope you have (or will) continue [ed] it. Let me know.
Meanwhile, thanks for your continued support. Please continue on. You are appreciated here.
Jay
Comment from Donaya Haymond
Seeing how detailed your critting is, I am delighted that you value mine so highly. It's worked, too - my poem "Pledge to be the Exception" is nominated for Poem of the Month, and a lot of it comes from your assistance.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007
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Seeing how detailed your critting is, I am delighted that you value mine so highly. It's worked, too - my poem "Pledge to be the Exception" is nominated for Poem of the Month, and a lot of it comes from your assistance.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2007
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Oh, Raven! I wish you knew how moved I am by your testamonial. It means so much to me! Many, many people here value your work. And, you are using your talent so effectively. You will go very far and if I am able to play a minor role in nudging you forward I will be thrilled. I hope your poem does well. Bless you, my dear.
Jay
Comment from L K Pinaire
This was excellent. Very well stated. I enjoyed it as it put a different slant on some very important concepts. Best of luck to you.*******************************************
Good writing,
Larry
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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This was excellent. Very well stated. I enjoyed it as it put a different slant on some very important concepts. Best of luck to you.*******************************************
Good writing,
Larry
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Thank you, Ipinaire, for your visit. Don't be a stranger. Your always welcome at the Microcritter house. Bless you....
Jay
Comment from E. W. Crowe
Good instruction here, Jay. You bring up some very good points, and I found myself wondering if I do that. God, I hope not. Anyway, nice bit and I found no errors. Good Job.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Good instruction here, Jay. You bring up some very good points, and I found myself wondering if I do that. God, I hope not. Anyway, nice bit and I found no errors. Good Job.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Thank you, E. W., for your support and your kind words. I would say that I hope you continue on, but it seems you prove that with each new chapter. I appreciate your loyalty.
Jay
Comment from Martie
Hi, my friend...I'm glad to see this one!! In fact, it gave me momentum to start writing on my fiction again...Sweet William, or my other, Teague...yep...I think the color of Teague's red hair and her love for Samuel (not to mention the mysterious disappearance of ) oops, is just aching for a crit from you, I know I am. I really appreciate what I learn from you....sometimes I forget what you've said here, although I know it. .
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Hi, my friend...I'm glad to see this one!! In fact, it gave me momentum to start writing on my fiction again...Sweet William, or my other, Teague...yep...I think the color of Teague's red hair and her love for Samuel (not to mention the mysterious disappearance of ) oops, is just aching for a crit from you, I know I am. I really appreciate what I learn from you....sometimes I forget what you've said here, although I know it. .
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Martie, is there a reason I haven't heard of Teague? You know I'm a sucker for a mystery. But I have you bookmarked, so why haven't I seen it? Thanks for your continued support for my series. I am SO ready to get back to my own fiction.
Jay
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Hi Jay...I haven't posted the Teague book yet...I only posted a chapter from the middle a while ago. I did just post a new chapter of Sweet William. Wheew!!
Why don't you get back to your ficiton?? Is the crit book something that you promised yourself instead?
I want to read your fiction!! I hope you will crit this new SW chapter. Hug!
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Hi Martie ~
I will get to Sweet William as soon as I complete the replies to the eleven more reviews I've received since just before I left for church this AM. And, yes, the critting series is a kind of committment.
Jay
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Thanks Jay...I hope you won't be disappointed...I have been fighting with advanced editor all afternoon. First it put huge spaces between paragraphs, then I couldn't get it to give italics to thought, then just to irritate me further, it threw questionmarks around like dice.
I finally erased the whole thing and put it back in the regular editor...so the thoughts are not in italics. I know there are some other things I need to change too. But, I'm too frustrated right now. I do think it's a good chapter though.
Thanks for your interested, and for sharing your skill ...How many chapters do you feel you need for your Crit book? I look forward to your fiction.
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"Microcritting" could easily go another ten chapters. And, I'm learning so much by focusing on "craft." I'm becoming a better reader. So, naturally, I want to test its trasferability to writing. I've got some two-year-old projects I'd like to recusitate. I might just do that. Mastery is also after me to write some fiction. Martie, if you want to check out my portfolio for a sampling, I've got some poetry and fiction. "Boxes" is my best fiction of last year. But I like my experimental "Harry Needs a Job," and of the poetry "At the Precipice" has the best imagery. Don't bother to crit them. I would like to emulate the work ethic of my favorite short story writer William Saroyan, who didn't consider a day complete until he wrote a short story. For a while, a couple of years ago, I did one a week. But, that's the best I can do.
Anyway, thanks for the interest.
Jay
Comment from Marjorie D.
I couldn't find anything wrong with this, Jay, only things that are very, very right! dialogue can make or break a story. Done right, it's like a breath of fresh air. Done wrong, it's like the wind shifted and we're downwind of the sewage plant. Aargh!
Your examples are funny and, more importantly, very clear and informative. Sometimes you have to use 'boldface' to get your point across. Sometimes those who write intrusive dialogue, can't see it otherwise.
It's easy to stumble into one of these writing 'potholes'. Thanks for the heads-up!
Great! Great! Great!
Marjorie
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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I couldn't find anything wrong with this, Jay, only things that are very, very right! dialogue can make or break a story. Done right, it's like a breath of fresh air. Done wrong, it's like the wind shifted and we're downwind of the sewage plant. Aargh!
Your examples are funny and, more importantly, very clear and informative. Sometimes you have to use 'boldface' to get your point across. Sometimes those who write intrusive dialogue, can't see it otherwise.
It's easy to stumble into one of these writing 'potholes'. Thanks for the heads-up!
Great! Great! Great!
Marjorie
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Marjorie, you are so sweet. I love your simile of the wind. Keep coming back. I need incisive commentary like yours. It means the world to me.
Jay
Comment from dragonqueen1983
you've given some good advice here. the article is well written and easy to understand i'm sure lots of people will find it very useful. well done
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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you've given some good advice here. the article is well written and easy to understand i'm sure lots of people will find it very useful. well done
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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I appreciate your thoughtful and kind words, dragonqueen. Can I count on you jumping aboard for the future segments. I learn as I write them and hear comments from other critters. I hope to learn much more in the coming months.
Jay
Comment from Sue-z-Q
Hi Jay:
This chapter as a whole, will take a little time to mull over and digest.
Writers often digress into explanations of past events to give readers knowledge they need to comprehend what's going on in a character's head. The scenarios using the couple, Mary and Mark, helpfully show how it should or shouldn't be written, but it's although easily understood, it's much harder to put into words. Some writers jump right in, not realizing it takes a lot of time, patience and practice for a writer to hone their craft.
~~~ notes~~~
You wrote: [ ... out of the mouths, or the actions, of the characters ...]
My edit: ... out of the mouths and actions of the characters ...
Both way get the idea across, but in my edit, I allow dialog and action to be happening simultaneously. It's something I try to achieve in my writing and perhaps that's what you were trying to convey here.
[the tape and staples and glue that hold ] A naughty extra and snuck in here or maybe you hoped it would add emphasis. It doesn't. It detracts. My reading stumbled over those ands. A comma after tape, is superior.
Bet you thought I wouldn't catch these, eh. Gotcha!
These are my opinions, not actual spags, but perhaps it's food for thought.
Sue-z-Q
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Hi Jay:
This chapter as a whole, will take a little time to mull over and digest.
Writers often digress into explanations of past events to give readers knowledge they need to comprehend what's going on in a character's head. The scenarios using the couple, Mary and Mark, helpfully show how it should or shouldn't be written, but it's although easily understood, it's much harder to put into words. Some writers jump right in, not realizing it takes a lot of time, patience and practice for a writer to hone their craft.
~~~ notes~~~
You wrote: [ ... out of the mouths, or the actions, of the characters ...]
My edit: ... out of the mouths and actions of the characters ...
Both way get the idea across, but in my edit, I allow dialog and action to be happening simultaneously. It's something I try to achieve in my writing and perhaps that's what you were trying to convey here.
[the tape and staples and glue that hold ] A naughty extra and snuck in here or maybe you hoped it would add emphasis. It doesn't. It detracts. My reading stumbled over those ands. A comma after tape, is superior.
Bet you thought I wouldn't catch these, eh. Gotcha!
These are my opinions, not actual spags, but perhaps it's food for thought.
Sue-z-Q
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Thank you Sue-z-Q for your close read. I'm printing all the suggested changes out and comparing them with the text after the promotion is over. Every one of your "gotchas" are certainly worth very close attention. I do so hate giving up my "and." But you do have a valid point. Thank you for being here for me Sue.
Jay
Comment from Alex in BC
jaysquires,
Here is another Jay's-technology-word for you; it's what I got from your well written, flowing and important work. Though it is complex, and that is good, since it is writers who are reading you work,
THREE
T is for never Tell your reader directly,
H is for if readers Hear the author talking it's over,
R is for Recite the message with the character's speech,
E is for Enrich the readers experience,
E is for engage them fully with dialogue
Thanks again,
Alex
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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jaysquires,
Here is another Jay's-technology-word for you; it's what I got from your well written, flowing and important work. Though it is complex, and that is good, since it is writers who are reading you work,
THREE
T is for never Tell your reader directly,
H is for if readers Hear the author talking it's over,
R is for Recite the message with the character's speech,
E is for Enrich the readers experience,
E is for engage them fully with dialogue
Thanks again,
Alex
Comment Written 18-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2007
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Alex, you are a magician. In order to come up with such a creative and inventive devise you had to have read the chapter closely. What a tribute! Thank you so very much.
Jay