No Elephants Live in Encino
a bit of poetic whimsy154 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
An entertaining piece of whimsy with something of the flavour of A. A. Milne about it. Just the kind of poem to appeal to a child - or an adult with a delight in the ridiculous!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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An entertaining piece of whimsy with something of the flavour of A. A. Milne about it. Just the kind of poem to appeal to a child - or an adult with a delight in the ridiculous!
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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thank you so much, tfawcus, for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from visionary1234
A child's attention to the tiniest, (and to us, most unimportant) details, always intrigues me. That we should have that gift - of seeing the whole world as something new! Always! :)S
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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A child's attention to the tiniest, (and to us, most unimportant) details, always intrigues me. That we should have that gift - of seeing the whole world as something new! Always! :)S
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Sharyn, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from rama devi
This is afun, delightful, wh9omsical poem--very unique, dear B.
and nobody wants to be gawking
straight into an elephant's knees.
Love that line, Made me chuckle, as did the closing line of looking for ants, which suits the picture, too.
nice alliteration of E with Encino and elephants.
I stumbled slightly on the grammar of lines 3 $ 4 in the first stanza:
No elephants live in Encino --
there's none in my neighborhood --
I don't see them living where we go,
and really don't know if they should.
Since I is the subject, the use of they sounds forced in line two.
Suggest:
I don't see them living where we go,
and really don't know if I should.
Also, the double dashes in the first two lines seem choppy to me.
Here are some alternative ideas for your consideration based on above feedback. Please see if one resonates with your muse:
No elephants live in Encino --
there's none in my neighborhood.
I don't see them living where we go,
and really don't know if I should.
or
No elephants live in Encino --
there's none in my neighborhood.
I don't see them living where we go.
I really don't know if they should.
Most readers may not think about the subject issue in those lines, so five stars for you. Cute poem.
Warmly, r d
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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This is afun, delightful, wh9omsical poem--very unique, dear B.
and nobody wants to be gawking
straight into an elephant's knees.
Love that line, Made me chuckle, as did the closing line of looking for ants, which suits the picture, too.
nice alliteration of E with Encino and elephants.
I stumbled slightly on the grammar of lines 3 $ 4 in the first stanza:
No elephants live in Encino --
there's none in my neighborhood --
I don't see them living where we go,
and really don't know if they should.
Since I is the subject, the use of they sounds forced in line two.
Suggest:
I don't see them living where we go,
and really don't know if I should.
Also, the double dashes in the first two lines seem choppy to me.
Here are some alternative ideas for your consideration based on above feedback. Please see if one resonates with your muse:
No elephants live in Encino --
there's none in my neighborhood.
I don't see them living where we go,
and really don't know if I should.
or
No elephants live in Encino --
there's none in my neighborhood.
I don't see them living where we go.
I really don't know if they should.
Most readers may not think about the subject issue in those lines, so five stars for you. Cute poem.
Warmly, r d
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you, rd, for your feedback :-) really don't know if they should, meaning, really don't know if they, the elephants, should live in Encino since it's a place without proper resources to sustain them, such as banana trees. Really don't know if I should changes the meaning.
Brooke :-)
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Yes, I understood the THEY refers to the elephants but the sentence starts with I so I read it wrong the first time. I must've been tired, though, because looking at it again, it reads fine. I get bouts of foggy mind due to adrenal fatigue at times. I try to avoid reviewing during those moments but sometimes I'm too foggy to notice I'm foggy! :) Love, rd
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at least you have a sense of humor about it :-) Get some rest, my friend.
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Yep! :) Sure do. It's much improved too. Thanks. Love, rd
Comment from ElegantButler
Another of the wonderful Sawyer poems. Always a treat to read. I look forward to each one. Most of the poem seems to say "life can be a let down sometimes," but then the end reminds us all that "hey, there's still the good stuff!" Love it!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Another of the wonderful Sawyer poems. Always a treat to read. I look forward to each one. Most of the poem seems to say "life can be a let down sometimes," but then the end reminds us all that "hey, there's still the good stuff!" Love it!
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Elegant Butler, thank you so very much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Joan E.
Thanks for sharing your whimsical poetry and Sawyer's latest ant-ics--he could help me out since I have ants in my bathroom--I think it's the lack of moisture outside, since we are experiencing a severe drought. I enjoyed your rhymed quatrains and could visualize "gawking/straight into an elephant's knees"! Fun- Joan
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks for sharing your whimsical poetry and Sawyer's latest ant-ics--he could help me out since I have ants in my bathroom--I think it's the lack of moisture outside, since we are experiencing a severe drought. I enjoyed your rhymed quatrains and could visualize "gawking/straight into an elephant's knees"! Fun- Joan
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Joan, for your thoughtful review :-) Miranda was telling me about all the water usage restrictions about to go into place. No more playing with the hose for Sawyer. :-) Brooke
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Yep--or it will take many future piggy banks to repay Mom and Dad! -J
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, here we go again - this is too darn Awwww-some. LOL. Ys gotta cut it out - my face is getting sore from all the grinning! I loved this, as I imagine you now I would... :0)
Awww, shucks, gotta say it ---> "AWWWWW..."
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Oh, here we go again - this is too darn Awwww-some. LOL. Ys gotta cut it out - my face is getting sore from all the grinning! I loved this, as I imagine you now I would... :0)
Awww, shucks, gotta say it ---> "AWWWWW..."
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Dawn, thank you so much :-) You have left me smiling too :-) Brooke
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*grin* - you're so welcome. :)
Comment from mommydear42
Very well written. There's that kid again, growing fast.
I will add this to me collection of poems by adewpearl and if
I ever have a greatgrandchild pull it out and read aloud to the baby and be tickled by the rhyme.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Very well written. There's that kid again, growing fast.
I will add this to me collection of poems by adewpearl and if
I ever have a greatgrandchild pull it out and read aloud to the baby and be tickled by the rhyme.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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mommydear, thank you so much :-) I so love when people share my poems with a child :-) Brooke
Comment from daeneam
Wonderfully creative. Why look for something impossible when you can have some simple joys around? I think, I was like Sawyer when I was young. We haven't had the luxury of going to zoo or carnival, but my father made us a swing made of tire - that brought happiness to us. Our life then, is so simple. Smiles! Have a nice there, Brooke... c", Mae
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Wonderfully creative. Why look for something impossible when you can have some simple joys around? I think, I was like Sawyer when I was young. We haven't had the luxury of going to zoo or carnival, but my father made us a swing made of tire - that brought happiness to us. Our life then, is so simple. Smiles! Have a nice there, Brooke... c", Mae
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Mae, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from nancyjam
Imaginative and fun and child-like.
Good visuals, rhyme and meter and a
clever ending.
Seems like every little boy I've known loved
to follow ant trails.:) Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Imaginative and fun and child-like.
Good visuals, rhyme and meter and a
clever ending.
Seems like every little boy I've known loved
to follow ant trails.:) Nancy
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Nancy, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Janet Foor
This has a delightful bouncy cadence to it that is fun to read aloud. What fun to see the world through the eyes of this young boy. Children can find enjoyment in the littlest things of life and through your poems, so can we.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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This has a delightful bouncy cadence to it that is fun to read aloud. What fun to see the world through the eyes of this young boy. Children can find enjoyment in the littlest things of life and through your poems, so can we.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Janet, thank you so very much for your thoughtful response to this poem and for your most generous six stars :-) Brooke