All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Bleached Beaches"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
74 total reviews
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a nice piece of free verse poetry on the subject of loneliness. I wonder what you mean by bleached beaches or do you mean bitches? Anyway, the loneliness came out strong towards the end. cheers
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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This is a nice piece of free verse poetry on the subject of loneliness. I wonder what you mean by bleached beaches or do you mean bitches? Anyway, the loneliness came out strong towards the end. cheers
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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bleach DEFINITELY applie to 'beach' my dear - as in sun-bleached driftwood especially :)
Comment from GWHARGIS
Your poem not only covered loneliness, but delved into betrayal as well. The past had betrayed her after all. I loved the was you grouped the b words together then the gold and the leached beaches. It was very sensory reading. Nice job. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Your poem not only covered loneliness, but delved into betrayal as well. The past had betrayed her after all. I loved the was you grouped the b words together then the gold and the leached beaches. It was very sensory reading. Nice job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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thx so much GW! Bless you for reviewing!
Comment from Hollyhock
Yes, Sharyn, I recognised you at the first read. Your word combinations and colour-scapes are a dead giveaway!.
Wonderful poem depicting all the loneliness that ensues when dreams turn sour and all hopes to ashes.
Loads of alliteration, assonance and internal half-rhymes, excellent! I particularly liked the contrasts of the second stanza using the same but altered images from the first. "dripping/ gold-pitted dreams ripped and/folded" - very effective use of the peach image when all the good had been taken or flowed from it, leaving nothing but the stone/seed and skin.
The last line brings home the feelings of inadequacy in this situation which make us want to hide our vulnerability from the world.
Very good luck in the contest, this is a goody!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Yes, Sharyn, I recognised you at the first read. Your word combinations and colour-scapes are a dead giveaway!.
Wonderful poem depicting all the loneliness that ensues when dreams turn sour and all hopes to ashes.
Loads of alliteration, assonance and internal half-rhymes, excellent! I particularly liked the contrasts of the second stanza using the same but altered images from the first. "dripping/ gold-pitted dreams ripped and/folded" - very effective use of the peach image when all the good had been taken or flowed from it, leaving nothing but the stone/seed and skin.
The last line brings home the feelings of inadequacy in this situation which make us want to hide our vulnerability from the world.
Very good luck in the contest, this is a goody!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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no rest for the wicked, hmm? thx
Comment from 3boysrule
WOW! Very powerful poem. I can feel the loneliness written in the lines. I hope this person finds happiness again. I feel most people that have been through a horrible breakup can relate to the poem. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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WOW! Very powerful poem. I can feel the loneliness written in the lines. I hope this person finds happiness again. I feel most people that have been through a horrible breakup can relate to the poem. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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thx so much for reading & reviewing, my dear!
Comment from prayingpoet
Great poetry. You followed the rules and did this very well. Your word pictures were very good, the content was well thought out. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Great poetry. You followed the rules and did this very well. Your word pictures were very good, the content was well thought out. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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thx so much Janice!
Comment from snemes
I like the way you begin the poem with all the hope and joy of love. It gives the rest of the poem greater impact by conveying what was lost. In a lace white world, bridal bright and wide with smiling possibilities. Good ending, too, with that last line.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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I like the way you begin the poem with all the hope and joy of love. It gives the rest of the poem greater impact by conveying what was lost. In a lace white world, bridal bright and wide with smiling possibilities. Good ending, too, with that last line.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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thank you so much snemes, for reading & reviewing!
Comment from Rose Hearth
I like your use of alliteration. The high of the first stanza and the let down of the rest of the poem are in great contrast. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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I like your use of alliteration. The high of the first stanza and the let down of the rest of the poem are in great contrast. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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thx so much Rose!
Comment from tinlight
If this wasn't free verse, it should have been a sonnet. Your "turn" is powerful and bleak. Listen to the wind howl across the salt marsh, carrying the curlew's haunting cry.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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If this wasn't free verse, it should have been a sonnet. Your "turn" is powerful and bleak. Listen to the wind howl across the salt marsh, carrying the curlew's haunting cry.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Actually it would be a nice sonnet, wouldn't it! :)
Comment from cvcopac
First of all, I love the imagery, the language, the awful story of love found and lost. Next is the way you put it together, the form, the brevity, the imagery, the language, the awful story of love found and lost. Best of luck in the contest. cv
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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First of all, I love the imagery, the language, the awful story of love found and lost. Next is the way you put it together, the form, the brevity, the imagery, the language, the awful story of love found and lost. Best of luck in the contest. cv
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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Thank you SO much cv for your wonderful review and for your special '6'! SO very much appreciated!
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You're so very much welcome--my pleasure.
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is a beautifully written free verse expressing loneliness without actually saying the protagonist is lonely - just rather bitter that the loved one is gone. Very lovely.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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This is a beautifully written free verse expressing loneliness without actually saying the protagonist is lonely - just rather bitter that the loved one is gone. Very lovely.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2012
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thx so much Dawn!