Reviews from

A Book of ... Free Verse (Vol.1)

Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "My Breakfast ..."
Metre ... Freeverse

73 total reviews 
Comment from little.lovely.poem
Excellent
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I bet you have two more eggs...between your legs :) just kidding...

your poem gives me a warm sweet smile with the message as you said humor... that's why I give you same humor review...

very good flow.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Probably in my brain knowing me...much appreciated.
Comment from patsolstad
Needs Improvement
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First of all, I give you credit for trying. These types of poems are very difficult. My suggestions would be to use some adjectives--for example, a scrambled egg, green tea, burned toast. And for the second verse, you could then say something like, ".......another egg. Maybe this one will be perfect, with a soft, oozy yolk." The way this is written now, it's merely a report. Keep reading others' free verse poems. That will help you a lot, I'm sure. I hope this review helps, too. That's what we're here for, I believe, to help one another. Good luck!

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 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    mmmm....
Comment from spellbound
Excellent
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An egg-fresh too

This line is a bit bothersome:

then some more toast.--only because until now, I didn't even know you had eaten toast.

I love the shape of your poem-an egg!

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Excellent...I think...
Comment from rivki1111
Good
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Hello, nice picture you have posted with this poem. I notice it is for the competition, so best of luck. 'Please judge wisely as it is my first attempt'. What does that mean? I can only go on the quality of this particular poem, not on whether or not it is your first attempt, lol (^_^)

That aside, first, second, or your fiftieth attempt, I find this poem inane. "Testing testing, speak into the microphone, Jim." A piece of toast. "No, no, you have to say more than that, we're testing." Two pieces of toast. hehehehe That's what it made me feel. hehehehe

Best of luck in the competition, cheers, Rebekah.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Well Rebekah...it`s` about my breakfast thoughts and it`s not for a competition but my fist attempt at free form and I thought it was rather good...which is what you`v`e given me and thats about it,

    Thanks much...
reply by rivki1111 on 18-Oct-2011
    I was being generous with the four, :)
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    I really dont see why you thought that it was being generous at all as as far as I can make out it is what it`s supposed to be without any corrections...and deserves a five...or is that just my opinion.
reply by rivki1111 on 18-Oct-2011
    just your opinion
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    no worries...
Comment from RADIO
Excellent
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I really like the free flow of thought
and the freedom of your actions to do
as one will. I'll have another egg with
you. Enjoyed your poem dear poet.
Radio

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Excellent...many thanks.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Average
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Maybe I just don't get it. Is this supposed to be like Seinfeld-a poem about nothing? Please keep writing, but maybe with a bit more substance next time~Debbie

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Debbie the title suggests something...it`s about...guess what...my breakfast !

    It do`nt need anymore susbstance as that is all I eat, sometimes.

    Many thanks...
Comment from J. P. Egry
Excellent
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Hey! First attempt! Excellent! Emphasis is always made when discussing free verse, that it doesn't mean there should be no form to it. And you have a great form--looks well on the page, easy to read and comprehend. The beauty of free verse is that you can make it into whatever form inspires you. Here I like the way you came full circle from beginning to end, just like in a good short story--egg to egg. It gives a feeling of completion--even in a very short poem. You've even incorporated subtle humor. This poem is very nice and it appeals to me very much.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Excellent...I`d say you were a bit of an egghead on free verse and Im glad you enjoyed it...pardon the pun.
reply by J. P. Egry on 18-Oct-2011
    I love the pun! Puns are fun, son-of-gun!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Excellent...many thanks...
Comment from Cheryl In Minnesota
Excellent
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What a cool photo! So unique and sharp. Captured my attention right away, along with the nice blue color. I like the concept of taking a simple topic, such as breakfast and examining it from the standpoint of a poem. There is a sense of freedom in the speaker's voice... I'll do whatever I want about my breakfast, and that provides a relaxed feeling that I enjoyed while reading this poem.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Top notch review...liberate breakfast eaters everywhere...lets have a party!
reply by Cheryl In Minnesota on 18-Oct-2011
    Breakfast any time of day - hooray!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Thank you...
Comment from nadine jordane
Average
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bicpen u make me want to have breakfast. u are a writer in the making all u need do is concentrate and don't mind if u don't get it at the first try. write and keep and come back there next time and see how u will develop the piece

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    I did`nt intend to develop it much other than some helpful hints as to enhance what is already there.

    Many thanks.
Comment from justjo66
Excellent
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Nice picture to go with your free verse poem. I don't know it you meant your poem to be tongue in cheek but this
is how I took it. It's kind of amusing and your title
fits because it is about your breakfast. :o)

I would make a suggestion and it is just my opionion but I think I would break up the following line and make the "I sometimes have" the second line. I think this would put more emphasis on the rest of the stanza.

When I feel like it I sometimes
have

It would look like:
When I feel like it
I sometimes have
another
egg.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2011


reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
    Quality, cheers justjo66.