Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Chapter 3 Part three"Can love survive small town gossip?
87 total reviews
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
The natural flare between the characters, and the prompt way of writing the dialogues is awesome technique.i enjoyed the powerful characterization as well.
On the whole, great read
K
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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The natural flare between the characters, and the prompt way of writing the dialogues is awesome technique.i enjoyed the powerful characterization as well.
On the whole, great read
K
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rama devi
This is a sweet chapter---a deepening intimacy and trust unfolds in a tender, natural manner in spite of the tension in the air with Roy and the 'scene' around them.
Good flow and dialog as always,
A few tiny nits and suggestions-
*
Joe put his arm around Sara's waist. "To start with(,) I'm not slumming."
*
"Joe, he's not worth it," whispered Sara. "I feel like dancing, please?"
Consider: "I feel like dancing. Please?"
*Holding her, he asked, (the comma after HER is not mandatory--I suggest trimming it out)
*
Sunday, after church(,) I was walking to the car, he drove up, rolled down the window and handed me my panties.
this might be best as two sentences-or using a semicolon instead of comma-
Sunday, after church, I was walking to the car; he drove up, rolled down the window and handed me my panties.
Good work...just a few fine tunings needed.
Warmest Wishes,
rd
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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This is a sweet chapter---a deepening intimacy and trust unfolds in a tender, natural manner in spite of the tension in the air with Roy and the 'scene' around them.
Good flow and dialog as always,
A few tiny nits and suggestions-
*
Joe put his arm around Sara's waist. "To start with(,) I'm not slumming."
*
"Joe, he's not worth it," whispered Sara. "I feel like dancing, please?"
Consider: "I feel like dancing. Please?"
*Holding her, he asked, (the comma after HER is not mandatory--I suggest trimming it out)
*
Sunday, after church(,) I was walking to the car, he drove up, rolled down the window and handed me my panties.
this might be best as two sentences-or using a semicolon instead of comma-
Sunday, after church, I was walking to the car; he drove up, rolled down the window and handed me my panties.
Good work...just a few fine tunings needed.
Warmest Wishes,
rd
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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I made a copy so I can make the corrections without missing any. Thank you for catching those little problem areas. I appreciate it.
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:)
Comment from JoAnna77
I enjoyed the previous chapter of this book and I have enjoyed this one too - the story continues to hold my interest, as you uncover more of Sara's past. There is conflict, romance, and drama in this well told story. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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I enjoyed the previous chapter of this book and I have enjoyed this one too - the story continues to hold my interest, as you uncover more of Sara's past. There is conflict, romance, and drama in this well told story. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from BPL76
I need no want to read from the beginning!! This is good
The conversations are worded well
I like the plot it has just enough detail that it keeps you guessing
Good Job
BPL
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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I need no want to read from the beginning!! This is good
The conversations are worded well
I like the plot it has just enough detail that it keeps you guessing
Good Job
BPL
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
that picture was a clue about what was going to happen in this chapter. two bucks fighting over a doe, great job on this chapter, as usual, looking forward to your next post
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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that picture was a clue about what was going to happen in this chapter. two bucks fighting over a doe, great job on this chapter, as usual, looking forward to your next post
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your comment about the bucks. When I was choosing artwork that one seemed perfect for this chapter.
Comment from Monte Carbolic
Another fine, very engrossing chapter. Again, I found myself enjoying your book. I have no criticisms to offer here. This is fine as it stands. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Another fine, very engrossing chapter. Again, I found myself enjoying your book. I have no criticisms to offer here. This is fine as it stands. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jmdg1954
Everything to me still seems to perfect, I don't know what you have planned, but I'll wait. Ithought Joe was going to crack Roy when talked about " her slumming and her reputation"... but the gentleman he is, you did a good job with that. Maybe to lengthen (not the right word) the story, the entrance into the hotels ballroom could have been more detailed... the evening, hotel name or description, what were they wearing, did the eyes turn towards them.. just an opinion to grab the readers attention, especially for those who have not been keeping up with each chapter, does that make sense?
Still, good dialogue between Joe and Sara and nice tender moments...
John
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Everything to me still seems to perfect, I don't know what you have planned, but I'll wait. Ithought Joe was going to crack Roy when talked about " her slumming and her reputation"... but the gentleman he is, you did a good job with that. Maybe to lengthen (not the right word) the story, the entrance into the hotels ballroom could have been more detailed... the evening, hotel name or description, what were they wearing, did the eyes turn towards them.. just an opinion to grab the readers attention, especially for those who have not been keeping up with each chapter, does that make sense?
Still, good dialogue between Joe and Sara and nice tender moments...
John
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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I desribed Sara's dress in the previous chapter, I hate to bore my readers by repeating that, but I could go into more detail about the dinning room and the ball room. Thank you for your suggestions. I will consider them.
Comment from marcellawachtel
OK, so true love doesn't run smoothly- so long as it comes out all right in the end, it's fine. I liked the confrontation scene where Joe put Roy in his place, and the predictable, (although sweet) choice Sarah made at the end.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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OK, so true love doesn't run smoothly- so long as it comes out all right in the end, it's fine. I liked the confrontation scene where Joe put Roy in his place, and the predictable, (although sweet) choice Sarah made at the end.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from BeautifulLie
Ok. I am in love with this character xD He's everything you would want. He's sweet and caring and protective, but not obsessive.. You're doing a wonderful job. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Ok. I am in love with this character xD He's everything you would want. He's sweet and caring and protective, but not obsessive.. You're doing a wonderful job. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Black-Saphire
great job! i love reading your stories, and I cant wait to see the next one! Improvements: None, dont change a thing! Good job and keep up the great work!!
-Jade
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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great job! i love reading your stories, and I cant wait to see the next one! Improvements: None, dont change a thing! Good job and keep up the great work!!
-Jade
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
