Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Mother Dust"An extended story in poem form
118 total reviews
Comment from Zolag
It was a good thing you stopped tossing around and ran with it this was awesome I thought. The three part story interesting and well told. If you toss around another one of these don't wait, go for it!
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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It was a good thing you stopped tossing around and ran with it this was awesome I thought. The three part story interesting and well told. If you toss around another one of these don't wait, go for it!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you,, Zolag! What wonderful encouragement :-). I have another part drafted and have set to work on a third. They just need a bit of fiddling with I think. I'm so glad you enjoyed the read and blown away by the special rating. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy future installments as much :-)
Mike
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Hello FF.
Your "Wandering Man" is starting off on the right foot. This poem is very interesting and entertaining. Your word choice is descriptive and the storyline is great too.
Well done.
Cheers, W &-^
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Hello FF.
Your "Wandering Man" is starting off on the right foot. This poem is very interesting and entertaining. Your word choice is descriptive and the storyline is great too.
Well done.
Cheers, W &-^
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Whizpurr :-). I'm really glad yopu enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from Eternal Muse
Wow, how exotic, esoteric, eccentric, eclectic and enormously ecclesiastic! (lol). Great creation, Mike, wow, what a picture! I love it. Your imagination hits the roof on this one, and we are running with you. Loved your skeleton man and the very worthy words describing the phenomenon. I wouldn't want him near me at dusk! (lol).
Very much enjoyed, love, Y.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Wow, how exotic, esoteric, eccentric, eclectic and enormously ecclesiastic! (lol). Great creation, Mike, wow, what a picture! I love it. Your imagination hits the roof on this one, and we are running with you. Loved your skeleton man and the very worthy words describing the phenomenon. I wouldn't want him near me at dusk! (lol).
Very much enjoyed, love, Y.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Yelena :-). When I found that picture and realised how well it suited my poem, I was so happy! THanks for your wonderful comments and encouragement :-). More from the Wandering Man very soon.
Mike
Comment from Nicki_Mist
I think this is a great idea of yours to do a series of these. This one is heading in a good start already and very interesting and good imagery Keep them coming.
Nicole
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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I think this is a great idea of yours to do a series of these. This one is heading in a good start already and very interesting and good imagery Keep them coming.
Nicole
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Nicole :-). I'm grateful for the encouragement. I guess the danger of doing a series is that you'll lose people in later poems, but I hope to keep them fairly standalone as well as telling an ongoing story. We shall see!
Mike :-)
Comment from Ash Madox
I'm sorry I can't comment on the technical merits of this (a novice), but I can certainly comment on how much it effected me. It's a song, story, movie and poem all rolled into one. The linguistics are outstanding and the metaphors more so. A desolate place of struggle, wonderfully expressed. Thoroughly admired this visual, feeling poetry. Very well done. Ash.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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I'm sorry I can't comment on the technical merits of this (a novice), but I can certainly comment on how much it effected me. It's a song, story, movie and poem all rolled into one. The linguistics are outstanding and the metaphors more so. A desolate place of struggle, wonderfully expressed. Thoroughly admired this visual, feeling poetry. Very well done. Ash.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Ash. To be honest, I'm far more interested in what people think of the poem than whether they agree with my technical decisions, so yours is exactly the kind of review I like to receive. I'm glad the visdual worked for you; I do so love being descriptive! Thanks for the wonderful review :-)
Mike
Comment from Joan E.
I like both titles (and your new picture in your profile!). I especially admired your play between "strangled" and "choke" and your "forever night" image. I also enjoyed your many metaphors like "legacy" and "ant" and hyperbole like "bleached grey" and "atoms tortured" along with personifications of "hate" and "horror." I obviously liked your rhymes and the persona you took on so strongly.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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I like both titles (and your new picture in your profile!). I especially admired your play between "strangled" and "choke" and your "forever night" image. I also enjoyed your many metaphors like "legacy" and "ant" and hyperbole like "bleached grey" and "atoms tortured" along with personifications of "hate" and "horror." I obviously liked your rhymes and the persona you took on so strongly.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Joan :-). I'm glad you liked my pairings and images; it's something not all readers pick up on, or at least not many of them tell me about it! My new profile pic is my cat Ozzy in an image we call "The Codfather" :-)
Mike
Comment from sgalletti
Ah, darling...I am so looking forward to following the posts of the Wand'ring Man. I have a great deal of love and empathy for him! Loved your choice of words and the vivid imagery. My favorite lines:
"Now radiation suckles me
upon a nuclear teat,
the fallout fuels my apathy
and no day is discreet."
One question: Should "become" have an "s" at the end?
Love...Sue
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Ah, darling...I am so looking forward to following the posts of the Wand'ring Man. I have a great deal of love and empathy for him! Loved your choice of words and the vivid imagery. My favorite lines:
"Now radiation suckles me
upon a nuclear teat,
the fallout fuels my apathy
and no day is discreet."
One question: Should "become" have an "s" at the end?
Love...Sue
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Sue :-). Rama Devi asked about become/s too, but I'm not sure. I was going for the 'today I am become death' style of voice, but it may not be coming across very clearly. I shall think further on it!
So glad you enjoyed the start of my series. I'm not sure where the Wandering Man will take us, but I intend to find out!
I'm not very happy with chapter two, which I have ready, because it's a lot simpler than this one, but I needed to get the story moving and that meant letting go some of the pretensions... Ah well, I'm not going to post it yet, so I have time to mull it over!
Thanks again.
Mike
Comment from RazberryBullet
This is certainly different . . . and gloomy!
Liked these lines: the fallout fuels my apathy and no day is discreet. Although I breathe, I live in death, a zombie all alone, Through desolation's aftermath, I am the Wand'ring Man.
If he's lucky, he'll find a wand'ring Hag ;p
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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This is certainly different . . . and gloomy!
Liked these lines: the fallout fuels my apathy and no day is discreet. Although I breathe, I live in death, a zombie all alone, Through desolation's aftermath, I am the Wand'ring Man.
If he's lucky, he'll find a wand'ring Hag ;p
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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lol, I love the idea of a Wandering Hag, the perfect partner for my jaded, tired character! Must ... resist ... comedy ...
Thanks for the wonderful review :-)
Mike
Comment from Arkine
I loved it. I couldn't help but think of a spirit lost in the shadowlands, viewing the world after the devistation of WWIII. Then again, it could just be someone viewing the world presently, seeing all the problems that we refuse to address. Either way, great job!
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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I loved it. I couldn't help but think of a spirit lost in the shadowlands, viewing the world after the devistation of WWIII. Then again, it could just be someone viewing the world presently, seeing all the problems that we refuse to address. Either way, great job!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Arkine :-). I'm glad you took a more meaningful view of the poem, rather than seeing just the literal descriptions.
Mike
Comment from dportwood
Fleedleflump,
Great start for a book about 'Chronicles of the Wandering Man'. I like the quatrain format and also the breaking of the poem into three divisions. Technically the rythm and rhyme stutter somewhat, but the message is pertinent and clearly stated. Well done.
Duane
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Fleedleflump,
Great start for a book about 'Chronicles of the Wandering Man'. I like the quatrain format and also the breaking of the poem into three divisions. Technically the rythm and rhyme stutter somewhat, but the message is pertinent and clearly stated. Well done.
Duane
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Duane. You're right that the rhyme isn't always loyal to its pattern, and not all the even-numbered lines have the same syllable or foot count, but that's something I consciously left in there, and also why I didn't label it as Quatrains, or list my form details. I did consider 'fixing' it, but I was happy with the way it was.
Anyway, justifications aside, thanks for the encouraging review. I have several more chapters in the pipeline for this tale.
Mike