Reviews from

All Those Puzzling Pieces

Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Sugared Stars"
What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?

105 total reviews 
Comment from isurp
Excellent
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This was a very fun read for a love poem. I usually avoid them like the plague. I really liked how you created a bit of anticipation with "she knows he's watching" and "he knows she's waiting". Plus all the ice cream talk made this deliciously delightful. - Steve

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    I hate mushy love poems, too, Steve - but ... I don't mind a SLURPY one if it involves chocolate! :))Sharyn
reply by isurp on 28-Mar-2013
    Agreed! :)
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
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This was a gorgeous poem. Teasing and tantalizing with magnificent S alliterations throughout. Beautiful imagery created for your reader. A very entertaining story being told here. So wish that I had a six to give you for this one .... it is just great! Fave line "she knows he's watching".

Well done ~ Sharyn

bichonfrisegirl aka Connie

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    Bless you Connie - glad you enjoyed the little tease and the touch of chocolate! :)S
Comment from emjaihammond
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This is a very nice writing. It captures the imagination completely from beginning to the end. Very sweet, romantic setting. I liked it very much.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    thank you so much emjai!! :)S
Comment from Deborah Marie
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Lovely poem, photo choice and color scheme. Clever descriptive wording for impressive imagery. And, nice progression, rhythm and flow for excellent read. Good luck in the contest, Deb

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    bless you Deb - thank you so much! :)Sharyn
Comment from GWinterwin
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Oh yes this is a sexy one. Very true that summertime is the time for love. I still remember those days of sunshine ice cream and how beautiful and sweet my love was and still is as a matter of fact. Great flow of words tell your story here that bring back many good memories. This is a great writing.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    thx so much GW - glad you enjoyed some naughty chocolate drips! :)S
Comment from Robert Lee Brown
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

WOW! This is a great write that stimulates the mind of memories, senses and emotions. With well chosen words, alliterations and other poetic devices, you pull the reader in to the experiences being described. Thanks for sharing. Your admirer, Bob

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    Aren't you a sweetie! thank you so much bob - can you tell I'm feel chocolate deprived today? Bless you for your lovely six on this one my dear - so much appreciated!
    :)Sharyn
Comment from ravenblack
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no pun intended ( well, maybe)- a sweet love poem smouldering w/sensuality. love how everything, even the gulls with nested heads tucked warm beneath their wings leads to " the first sugared stars showering the dark". oh, to live in a universe of chocolate sprinkles

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    haw haw haw :) :) :)
Comment from adewpearl
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lovely alliteration in silver smooth by sea and salt
I love the assonance in drips/skips/kisses
great sensory detail with strong appeal to the senses
nice alliteration in burnished beach
good consonance of L sound in slides a little closer
love the hyphenate in double-dappled
great closing - this is delightfully exuberant and cheery and smile inducing :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
    thx so much Brooke! :)Sharyn
Comment from words
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You brought back delicious memories with this one.

Love your ending lines:he'll hold out his arm
and she'll offer him
chocolate double-dappled kisses
sweet lips, and
the first sugared stars
showering the dark of
summer's
lambent
loving

There is nothing like those first innocent kisses.

Hugs, d

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
    thx d! :))S
Comment from Titanx9
Excellent
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This one's so smooth and seamless. I like the almost run-on descriptions of chocolate ice cream drips, kisses and sugar cones. Overall, it's am an exceptional piece of writing. Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2013


reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
    thx Dossie! :)S