The Culling of the Meek
A mirrored pair of sonnets64 total reviews
Comment from jackpeg
Very intricate meter and very consistently iambic pentameter. The first line threw me a bit, The word "family" requires pronouncing with 3 syllables, and should be, but is usually done in two, so that's why I stumbled there. But I wouldn't change it. My main contention is with comprehensibility. The rhymey-ness (is that a word?) of the piece seems to get in the way of clarity. I am really lost after the first couplet and "armageddon's reverie," what is that. I'm sure you can explain it, but shouldn't have to after the fact.
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Very intricate meter and very consistently iambic pentameter. The first line threw me a bit, The word "family" requires pronouncing with 3 syllables, and should be, but is usually done in two, so that's why I stumbled there. But I wouldn't change it. My main contention is with comprehensibility. The rhymey-ness (is that a word?) of the piece seems to get in the way of clarity. I am really lost after the first couplet and "armageddon's reverie," what is that. I'm sure you can explain it, but shouldn't have to after the fact.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
Comment from WilliamDeen
Great poem... very good rhythm ... it flows so easily when reading it.
Love the artwork too! Thanks so much for sharing, Pamela
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Great poem... very good rhythm ... it flows so easily when reading it.
Love the artwork too! Thanks so much for sharing, Pamela
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
Comment from Just2Write
This is very well written. The flow is perfectly excuted and the message is so very strong and you tell your story well. It is said that the meek shall inherit the Earth - but the greedy have spent so much of our inheritance, I wonder what will be left. Rose.
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This is very well written. The flow is perfectly excuted and the message is so very strong and you tell your story well. It is said that the meek shall inherit the Earth - but the greedy have spent so much of our inheritance, I wonder what will be left. Rose.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your poem/story. The rhyming scheme was very good as was the rhythm. This poem was easy to read. I am not sure, but I am wondering if the first sentence isn't a reference to the birth of Jesus, and the story flows down to the the meek shall inherit the Earth. Am I reading too much into this?
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I enjoyed reading your poem/story. The rhyming scheme was very good as was the rhythm. This poem was easy to read. I am not sure, but I am wondering if the first sentence isn't a reference to the birth of Jesus, and the story flows down to the the meek shall inherit the Earth. Am I reading too much into this?
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, fleedleflump, i enjoyed reading this poem that talks of the saying, the meek shall inherit the earth, great job as usual, i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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this is very well written, fleedleflump, i enjoyed reading this poem that talks of the saying, the meek shall inherit the earth, great job as usual, i wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Mike,
These mirrored sonnets are excellent. Writing one is hard enough but two and do them both well is a feat I have yet to accomplish. I love sonnets and the English sonnets are my favorite. Your iambic pentameter is spot on and your word choices are eloquent. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
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Hi Mike,
These mirrored sonnets are excellent. Writing one is hard enough but two and do them both well is a feat I have yet to accomplish. I love sonnets and the English sonnets are my favorite. Your iambic pentameter is spot on and your word choices are eloquent. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
Comment from lola29
Admittedly, this poem is a bit abstract for me. I don't fully understand your fourth stanza: 'Us shepherds of defilement thrive on fears.'
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Admittedly, this poem is a bit abstract for me. I don't fully understand your fourth stanza: 'Us shepherds of defilement thrive on fears.'
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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This one almost wrote itself, so I spent as much time reeling in the creative urges as I did writing it. Essentially it's about the meek family, evil because they bring about the end of the world (shepherd in the defilement) but in fact just a loving, caring group wh obelieve in the love they share. I could have titled it 'how love killed the world', I suppose :-). Thanks for taking the time to read through and share your thoughts with me!
Mike
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Thanks, Mike.
Comment from rchitwood
This is a very good poem it has nice structure and strong emotional images. The description of the poems words are very telling. I love the photo it compliments you poem.Good Luck. Rita
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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This is a very good poem it has nice structure and strong emotional images. The description of the poems words are very telling. I love the photo it compliments you poem.Good Luck. Rita
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Rita. I love writing in iambic meter :-)
Mike
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Sorry. Rita
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
"Feedleflump," I see in this a transcending of the mere glory of temporal power. I think your message triumphs over arrogance, alleged importance and deceit of values.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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"Feedleflump," I see in this a transcending of the mere glory of temporal power. I think your message triumphs over arrogance, alleged importance and deceit of values.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Stumbly, you have it right to a tee. Thank you :-)
Mike
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Hi, Mike. Now here's a timely vision - or is it a warning? Scarey stuff, either way.
One suggestion; grammar related: "us shepherds of defilement thrive on fears."- "we shepherds", please.
An interesting prediction (?) of the near future. :] Nancy
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Hi, Mike. Now here's a timely vision - or is it a warning? Scarey stuff, either way.
One suggestion; grammar related: "us shepherds of defilement thrive on fears."- "we shepherds", please.
An interesting prediction (?) of the near future. :] Nancy
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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lol, thank you, Nancy, for the grammar pointer and the excellent review.
Mike