How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Macro-Critting (The Wrap)"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
91 total reviews
Comment from LittleEmpress
I wasn't aware you had more chapters out until I ran across chapter 5. So, here I am reading this one and will continue to the next. I liked this one, and it is true, I scroll through a story to see how long it is, if it looks like I want to read it, and of course, how much it will give me. I am enjoying your book. I didn't see any typos or errors. Great chapter. *onto the next one*
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2006
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I wasn't aware you had more chapters out until I ran across chapter 5. So, here I am reading this one and will continue to the next. I liked this one, and it is true, I scroll through a story to see how long it is, if it looks like I want to read it, and of course, how much it will give me. I am enjoying your book. I didn't see any typos or errors. Great chapter. *onto the next one*
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2006
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I LOVE IT! Thank you, LittleEmpress for your interest in the back "issues." It does my heart good to find people getting some good out of the series. Bless you...
Jay
Comment from butchiesmom
Again, entertaining and informative. There were soo many places which had me laughing, I'd just have to copy about half of this chapter and go from there, lol. Some examples:
You stopped to look up unfamiliar words and reread difficult concepts. You checked out each footnote and cross-reference. By the time you got to page 10 or 20 you were so bogged down, and the finish line looked so impossibly far away you slammed it shut in frustration. Right?" (ovrerachiever, lol)
Intimate? Yes, friends, intimate! I want you to go down on that scroll button. Got that? I want you to go down on it and to ride it languorously from top to bottom. Slowly ... I want you to enjoy it, to slide down it with senses wide open. (Whew! Is it hot in here or is it me?)
Once I start, it never takes long. I promise. (ROFLMAO)
While I enjoyed watching you scroll, above ...(voyeur)
My discharge papers in hand, I had the goofiest smile that crazed joy could produce pasted to my face, while I was just itching to get to the head of the line. (great imagery)
Chapter(s) two and three explore in a general way
in Charleston(,) South Carolina.
But, with all that(,) I had a nagging concern
You wrote:
above ... now, with some trepidation -
I suggest:
above ... some with trepidation -
I've developed(,) through the years(,) a previewing posture toward what I'm preparing to read.
But I scroll farther down and realize that what I so briefly saw was like an air bubble rising thickly through oatmeal. (Great imagery)
You wrote:
And, then another feeling invades, an image, really.
I suggest:
Then another feeling invades, an image, really.
And, please, let's go further than artistic license. ('And' isn't needed but damned if I know how I'd rewrite it.)
Before continuing on, I need to ask a question: Am I right i(n) assuming that most writers on FanStory want to have their work published? (Not really, but have been twice, lol)
You wrote:
And, with the star rating
I suggest:
With the star rating
sits like a precious, permed head in the center of the (great imagery)
I know the editors are. Editors insist that a manuscript be submitted in size 12 font. They also mandate the style to be Times New Roman - not script! (Good to know!)
Whew! I feel like I've written a chapter just trying to review this, lol. Most of what's here are suggestions, and as such, can be ignored or used. Anyway, I'm off to the next chapter, lol.
Good job, jaysquires.
Gail
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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Again, entertaining and informative. There were soo many places which had me laughing, I'd just have to copy about half of this chapter and go from there, lol. Some examples:
You stopped to look up unfamiliar words and reread difficult concepts. You checked out each footnote and cross-reference. By the time you got to page 10 or 20 you were so bogged down, and the finish line looked so impossibly far away you slammed it shut in frustration. Right?" (ovrerachiever, lol)
Intimate? Yes, friends, intimate! I want you to go down on that scroll button. Got that? I want you to go down on it and to ride it languorously from top to bottom. Slowly ... I want you to enjoy it, to slide down it with senses wide open. (Whew! Is it hot in here or is it me?)
Once I start, it never takes long. I promise. (ROFLMAO)
While I enjoyed watching you scroll, above ...(voyeur)
My discharge papers in hand, I had the goofiest smile that crazed joy could produce pasted to my face, while I was just itching to get to the head of the line. (great imagery)
Chapter(s) two and three explore in a general way
in Charleston(,) South Carolina.
But, with all that(,) I had a nagging concern
You wrote:
above ... now, with some trepidation -
I suggest:
above ... some with trepidation -
I've developed(,) through the years(,) a previewing posture toward what I'm preparing to read.
But I scroll farther down and realize that what I so briefly saw was like an air bubble rising thickly through oatmeal. (Great imagery)
You wrote:
And, then another feeling invades, an image, really.
I suggest:
Then another feeling invades, an image, really.
And, please, let's go further than artistic license. ('And' isn't needed but damned if I know how I'd rewrite it.)
Before continuing on, I need to ask a question: Am I right i(n) assuming that most writers on FanStory want to have their work published? (Not really, but have been twice, lol)
You wrote:
And, with the star rating
I suggest:
With the star rating
sits like a precious, permed head in the center of the (great imagery)
I know the editors are. Editors insist that a manuscript be submitted in size 12 font. They also mandate the style to be Times New Roman - not script! (Good to know!)
Whew! I feel like I've written a chapter just trying to review this, lol. Most of what's here are suggestions, and as such, can be ignored or used. Anyway, I'm off to the next chapter, lol.
Good job, jaysquires.
Gail
Comment Written 11-Dec-2006
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2006
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One more time, thank you, Gail. Your comments are much appreciated. I had distanced myself so much from this chapter that I had forgotten the impact of some of the images. Thanks for pointing them out to me again.
Jay
Comment from sandramarie
Are we still supposed to be naked? ;-) This was funny and informative, Jay.
It took me a while to get through it, but I think it was my fault. First I got distracted by the sex talk and had to go back to remember what we were talking about. Then my cat had to be rounded up so he could up-chuck that hairball outside of the house.
Great job. I like your style, AND I made 10 whole member cents!
Sandy
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2006
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Are we still supposed to be naked? ;-) This was funny and informative, Jay.
It took me a while to get through it, but I think it was my fault. First I got distracted by the sex talk and had to go back to remember what we were talking about. Then my cat had to be rounded up so he could up-chuck that hairball outside of the house.
Great job. I like your style, AND I made 10 whole member cents!
Sandy
Comment Written 11-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2006
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You're one rich broad, aintca? I didn't even know there was money left on it. If you want to be sure to be one of the first to get the big money and pumps on future segments you might want to bookmark it. Now, what's that if it's not shameless self-promotion?!!!
Jay
Comment from Sue-z-Q
Hi Jay:
As always, I find your writing XLNT. You brought up some interesting, salient points.
I have on occasion copied and pasted a writer's work to one of my file pages so I could enlarge it and save my eyesight. Or what's left of it.
I guess it shouln't be too surprising that more good work doesn't get into print (some work that does isn't good), but there are far more writers today than ever before.
On the other side of the coin, thousands of publishing houses have merged or were swallowed up. I read the current estimate of publishers world wide is roughly 55,000 and each of them only intending to bring 3 titles to the market each year.
There are probably a million wannabe writers. This makes it difficult to get beyond that slush pile, especially if your name has no celebrity value. hyped Talk Show interviews, Catchy titles, Get rich quick schemes and celebrity monikers. That's what sells books. Good work? I honestly don't believe the staff of most publishing houses would recognize good writing if it jumped up and whopped them on the kisser.
So you and I among thousands of others who had the dream of becoming a recognized writer are doomed from the start. Sad, but true. Yet, I still find writing my greatest joy and suspect you do, too. Sorry I didn't get to this work sooner, but time flies when writing. It was worth the read even tho your certificates had expired.
Your fan, Sue-z-Q
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2006
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Hi Jay:
As always, I find your writing XLNT. You brought up some interesting, salient points.
I have on occasion copied and pasted a writer's work to one of my file pages so I could enlarge it and save my eyesight. Or what's left of it.
I guess it shouln't be too surprising that more good work doesn't get into print (some work that does isn't good), but there are far more writers today than ever before.
On the other side of the coin, thousands of publishing houses have merged or were swallowed up. I read the current estimate of publishers world wide is roughly 55,000 and each of them only intending to bring 3 titles to the market each year.
There are probably a million wannabe writers. This makes it difficult to get beyond that slush pile, especially if your name has no celebrity value. hyped Talk Show interviews, Catchy titles, Get rich quick schemes and celebrity monikers. That's what sells books. Good work? I honestly don't believe the staff of most publishing houses would recognize good writing if it jumped up and whopped them on the kisser.
So you and I among thousands of others who had the dream of becoming a recognized writer are doomed from the start. Sad, but true. Yet, I still find writing my greatest joy and suspect you do, too. Sorry I didn't get to this work sooner, but time flies when writing. It was worth the read even tho your certificates had expired.
Your fan, Sue-z-Q
Comment Written 07-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2006
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I decided not to write today. I'm going back to bed, perchance to dream...
Thanks, Sue-z-Q for your always right-on-the-butt-on crits. I appreciate your take on my themes, and where they take you. And, yes, I've written for 50 years with little commercial success, and yet I continue. You suppose there's something more to it than financial remuneration? Like, just perhaps, the joy of a of finding that a stringing together the right order of words, makes a pleasing sound that keeps reverberating in your consciousness, or a happy but unexpected slap of truth against the brain. You are always welcome to jump in and sample the rest of the series.
Jay
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Hi Jay:
I do believe I'm all caught up on "How This Critter Crits" and it's always a pleasure to review your writing. Reading your work is something I would do just for the fun of it.
So, you're taking a day off from writing. LOL.
Why I feel so compelled to write is a mystery to me. I'll confess this much: I like creating strong, handsome, virile men, especially frontiersmen around the time of Abe Lincoln because; by the time I'm a thousand words into the story, I'm in love with my character (again) and that makes me feel good. Hanged if I care if anyone else likes my work. I'm writing for my own pleasure.
I also have 50 years of slapping it against publishers walls where damn little of it stuck, but meanwhile, I enjoyed every one of my journeys into the realm of fiction. If you're getting the impression I'm dissatisfied with reality, you're right on. Escape is never more than a few keystrokes away.
Keep writing, Jay. It's the best way I know to salve the savage beast within us and you're among the best of the writers I've reviewed on Fan Story.
Now I've got to knuckle down and read a bunch of poems this evening, those that offer a buck or more of Fan Story play money because I'm down to 48 little pennies and didn't even have enough to promote my latest effort, "Turning the Tables" past page 3. It's for a member created contest and is the first time I've entered one of those.
I received a few reviews, but only two of them were actually helpful. I took their advice and fixed the spags. It's always hard to believe I don't see those things before I post it.
I don't suppose, since you're not writing today (ha ha) that you'd give me your crit on it.
Now I must get busy earning play money.
Catch you later, Sue-z-Q
Comment from OldMan
I can always tell great writing when I read it because I learn from it. Whether it is fiction or non-fiction, it matters not. If I learn from it, and my life is better for the reading of it, then I know.
You have taught me well with this chapter, as well as with your other chapters. I look forward, keenly, to learning more about 'critting' from you. You are very entertaining and instructive.
Where can I find more of your works?
OldMan
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2006
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I can always tell great writing when I read it because I learn from it. Whether it is fiction or non-fiction, it matters not. If I learn from it, and my life is better for the reading of it, then I know.
You have taught me well with this chapter, as well as with your other chapters. I look forward, keenly, to learning more about 'critting' from you. You are very entertaining and instructive.
Where can I find more of your works?
OldMan
Comment Written 06-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2006
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Don't want you to know where you can find more. You'll find out what a fake I am. Seriously, thanks for your ongoing support of this series. Your comments are priceless to me (better than MasterCard). You should find a wide variety of my stuff in my portfolio, most of it longish. Enjoy!
Comment from nora arjuna
You know the right way to crit, that is the humorous way. I admit to be particular about my presentation. Perhaps more paticular that what I'm writing, LOL. I can't even stand jagged right margin. Mine will be full justified most of the time. Some reviewer commented on the extra spaces in between words I have, not realising thet're automatically inserted by the editor to adjust the margin. Of course published books have fully justified.
You were right about the scroll bar. I did that too, except when I'm reading the work from my favourite authors. Well, I did that to yours at times, but it was because I needed to know how much time it took for me to read and whether I had enough at hand, or should I read later.
I bet the next scuffing elbows and knuckles would be more interesting!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2006
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You know the right way to crit, that is the humorous way. I admit to be particular about my presentation. Perhaps more paticular that what I'm writing, LOL. I can't even stand jagged right margin. Mine will be full justified most of the time. Some reviewer commented on the extra spaces in between words I have, not realising thet're automatically inserted by the editor to adjust the margin. Of course published books have fully justified.
You were right about the scroll bar. I did that too, except when I'm reading the work from my favourite authors. Well, I did that to yours at times, but it was because I needed to know how much time it took for me to read and whether I had enough at hand, or should I read later.
I bet the next scuffing elbows and knuckles would be more interesting!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2006
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Let's hope the next one will be more interesting, Arjuna! I'm sorry you couldn't get to it sooner. You were reading it for next to nothing. Thank you, though, as always for your input. You are always right on! It'll be two or three weeks before the next one comes out. Hang in there...
Jay
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For some work, I don't review for the money. No doubt it comes handy, but reading satisfaction matters too. Will look forward to the next.
Comment from ooh baby
Very interesting...listen, I even did the scroll down on you! hahaha! No one escapes my scroll downs. Personally, I think Mr. Adler is cracked. Read every Great Story 3 times? Ha! Who in a life time would ever be able to do that? Sorry, but no wonder you didn't get your Pulitzer yet...get busy dude. My High School English Teacher was Sister Mary Helena. I still shake at the mention of her name. She was a demanding lady who actually counted the words in our essays. I learned about Haiku in her class. That was the only time she smiled, was when she talked about those little poems.
I enjoyed your essay, and I think it moved along at a fair pace...I wasn't bored and I enjoy your sense of humor! I also appreciate your offerings of advice. They are definitely well taken and needed. They have come in handy and I remember them as I go along here at FanStory doing my crits.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2006
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Very interesting...listen, I even did the scroll down on you! hahaha! No one escapes my scroll downs. Personally, I think Mr. Adler is cracked. Read every Great Story 3 times? Ha! Who in a life time would ever be able to do that? Sorry, but no wonder you didn't get your Pulitzer yet...get busy dude. My High School English Teacher was Sister Mary Helena. I still shake at the mention of her name. She was a demanding lady who actually counted the words in our essays. I learned about Haiku in her class. That was the only time she smiled, was when she talked about those little poems.
I enjoyed your essay, and I think it moved along at a fair pace...I wasn't bored and I enjoy your sense of humor! I also appreciate your offerings of advice. They are definitely well taken and needed. They have come in handy and I remember them as I go along here at FanStory doing my crits.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2006
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Thank you so much, ooh baby for your kind words and your obvious tight focus on the content of the chapter. It is all appreciated. BTW I remember critting your short story on Sister Mary Helena. She was memorable! Stay on board, ooh, and try to read it a little sooner, when you can be somewhat rewarded for it.
Jay
Comment from Pit Bull Mom
Hey Jay - I sure like the way you get naked! (Smiles). You caught me in a "mood" and Iaughed so hard at the following line (as much for the lines preceding it as the line itself) that my husband came in the room to check on me: "Once I start, it never takes long. I promise. (Ha!, You men and your promises!). I love your analogies and metaphors - you're warnings and ratings at top were great (I was thinking...okay...wait a minute, did I pull up the wrong posting?). Laughter is definitely the best of teachers, or at least in this case. It definitely flows well. No nits or SPAGs noted. Job well done. Anxiously awaiting the next one! Will we get to take off our cloths again?
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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Hey Jay - I sure like the way you get naked! (Smiles). You caught me in a "mood" and Iaughed so hard at the following line (as much for the lines preceding it as the line itself) that my husband came in the room to check on me: "Once I start, it never takes long. I promise. (Ha!, You men and your promises!). I love your analogies and metaphors - you're warnings and ratings at top were great (I was thinking...okay...wait a minute, did I pull up the wrong posting?). Laughter is definitely the best of teachers, or at least in this case. It definitely flows well. No nits or SPAGs noted. Job well done. Anxiously awaiting the next one! Will we get to take off our cloths again?
Comment Written 04-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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Oh, Heather001, you make me feel so good! I mean validated good. Once you start on the sex thing, everything else seems to take on a sex tone. I do appreciate your confindence in me and jump aboard for the next chapter. I'm a slow writer but I'll try to get something together in the next two to three weeks.
Jay
Comment from dalrathki
hahaha! i review short works the same way. this is a very well written, tongue in cheek, how to work. i like it a lot and think that you hit the nail right on the head with this one. especially about the guy who wrote in 10 font.
i conduct reviews where people use obtuse words and small font or weird formats and i address this, typically the response is that this is the way he likes it. for gods sake, you write for the readers!
anyway, nice job!
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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hahaha! i review short works the same way. this is a very well written, tongue in cheek, how to work. i like it a lot and think that you hit the nail right on the head with this one. especially about the guy who wrote in 10 font.
i conduct reviews where people use obtuse words and small font or weird formats and i address this, typically the response is that this is the way he likes it. for gods sake, you write for the readers!
anyway, nice job!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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Thank you so much for your kind words and input from your personal experience. I really appreciate it. Please come back and visit when the next chapter comes out. Thanks again.
Jay
Comment from Adora Bayles
Jay, I love your humor! Your analogies to the readability of the printed page are hilarious! As a new reader, I and my classmates described a book as "hard to read" if the pages were loaded with type in a small enough font to make your eyes swim. At age seven or eight, twelve point was hard. I think we were reading larger fonts at eighteen point on pages that were broken up. I did learn from a techie that I can enlarge the type on a screen by holding the control button while using the little scroll-page button on the mouse. It zooms the type. Or, you could be a toughie and tell your author to edit his story and make the font larger! Happy critting!
Adora
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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Jay, I love your humor! Your analogies to the readability of the printed page are hilarious! As a new reader, I and my classmates described a book as "hard to read" if the pages were loaded with type in a small enough font to make your eyes swim. At age seven or eight, twelve point was hard. I think we were reading larger fonts at eighteen point on pages that were broken up. I did learn from a techie that I can enlarge the type on a screen by holding the control button while using the little scroll-page button on the mouse. It zooms the type. Or, you could be a toughie and tell your author to edit his story and make the font larger! Happy critting!
Adora
Comment Written 04-Nov-2006
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2006
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I was hoping you'd be around, Adora. I need your particular slant on what I'm writing. I'm glad you liked it and hope you come back often. When's your next one coming out?
Jay
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Sometime tomorrow. Maybe tonight. Watch for "Santa Fe Stoway." And keep on critting!
Adora