Another Wild Night
Youth getting wild.64 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
I remember those days, they greatly influenced the man I became. Some of the things I did now fill me with shame, but at the time I did not care. I was young and on Uncle Sam's dime, doing him the favor of my dutiful service. In reflection, if I could I would go back and recover some of the excessive time I wasted on pleasure to enlarge my education so that my life outside of the uniform might have been better served.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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I remember those days, they greatly influenced the man I became. Some of the things I did now fill me with shame, but at the time I did not care. I was young and on Uncle Sam's dime, doing him the favor of my dutiful service. In reflection, if I could I would go back and recover some of the excessive time I wasted on pleasure to enlarge my education so that my life outside of the uniform might have been better served.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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LOL! Yes, nomi338. I think we would all do something like that. I really appreciate your review!
Comment from Barry Penfold
Oh if only I was young again. Like the topic and rhymes well. Certainly, brings back memories. Still sort of young mind you. Thanks for sharing and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Oh if only I was young again. Like the topic and rhymes well. Certainly, brings back memories. Still sort of young mind you. Thanks for sharing and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment Written 23-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Barry for the great review! I really appreciate that!
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I wouldn't encourage the young to get wild on a Saturday night since that is a quick way for the woman to become pregnant and the man to have to lay down his money for the rest of his life to a woman he just met who will now become his wife and they will raise this lovechild even though the both of them had other plans. So you see, the dreams of the youth are spoiled when they don't think first before acting irrationally and losing their plans for their future.
Jesse
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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I wouldn't encourage the young to get wild on a Saturday night since that is a quick way for the woman to become pregnant and the man to have to lay down his money for the rest of his life to a woman he just met who will now become his wife and they will raise this lovechild even though the both of them had other plans. So you see, the dreams of the youth are spoiled when they don't think first before acting irrationally and losing their plans for their future.
Jesse
Comment Written 23-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Lol! Yes, it is Jesse. Thank you for your review. I really appreciate that!
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I do not see the humor in that fact.
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O.k...
Comment from Aussie
This is typical of our young people these days. In my teenage years we had to be 21 to get in the door. Of course we were much more reserved. Today it's wham bam, thank you ma'am and then they go home.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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This is typical of our young people these days. In my teenage years we had to be 21 to get in the door. Of course we were much more reserved. Today it's wham bam, thank you ma'am and then they go home.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Lol! Yes, Aussie. You are so right! Thank you for your review. I really appreciate that!
Comment from ESOSTINE
This poem expresses the euphoria of weekend night out especially among the young people. Many are blinded by the excitement of the night and never see the dangers of uncontrolled pleasure. Well done, dear Harry. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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This poem expresses the euphoria of weekend night out especially among the young people. Many are blinded by the excitement of the night and never see the dangers of uncontrolled pleasure. Well done, dear Harry. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Esostine. I really appreciate the kind review!
Comment from SimianSavant
[rating revised up after edits made by author]
This poem attempts to capture the energy of a weekend night out with young friends. The picture is effective and the words are direct to their purpose. For it to capture that feeling for the typical reader, this poem would benefit from some proofreading to eliminate distractions. Please message me back after attending to the following edits and I will add a star.
your minds as foggy <= missing a possessive apostrophe -- should be: mind's
cause you ain't got no pain <= just pointing out that young folks in this environment tend to be unaware that others live with pain, and the absence of pain is probably the last thing on their mind. Rather, they are thinking of the prospect of something exciting happening.
you feel like getting' <= this has an apostrophe to indicate an abbreviation, but there is no letter missing. Guessing you meant to write: gettin'
she's gonna' love you tonight <= gonna is a changed spelling of "going to", so it does not require an apostrophe
cause you know she
is going to expose her charm <= this reads oddly in English. I'm not sure what you mean? It sounds a bit too similar to "expose herself", that is, show you her private parts. I would stay away from that implication, and write something different, especially since this is the last line. For example, something like:
she takes you by the arm
enchanting you with her charm
Hope this is helpful, and again, message me if you make edits so I can re-review. Thanks for the read,
🦍
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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[rating revised up after edits made by author]
This poem attempts to capture the energy of a weekend night out with young friends. The picture is effective and the words are direct to their purpose. For it to capture that feeling for the typical reader, this poem would benefit from some proofreading to eliminate distractions. Please message me back after attending to the following edits and I will add a star.
your minds as foggy <= missing a possessive apostrophe -- should be: mind's
cause you ain't got no pain <= just pointing out that young folks in this environment tend to be unaware that others live with pain, and the absence of pain is probably the last thing on their mind. Rather, they are thinking of the prospect of something exciting happening.
you feel like getting' <= this has an apostrophe to indicate an abbreviation, but there is no letter missing. Guessing you meant to write: gettin'
she's gonna' love you tonight <= gonna is a changed spelling of "going to", so it does not require an apostrophe
cause you know she
is going to expose her charm <= this reads oddly in English. I'm not sure what you mean? It sounds a bit too similar to "expose herself", that is, show you her private parts. I would stay away from that implication, and write something different, especially since this is the last line. For example, something like:
she takes you by the arm
enchanting you with her charm
Hope this is helpful, and again, message me if you make edits so I can re-review. Thanks for the read,
🦍
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Simian! I really appreciate your review and insight. Yes, I did miss a few things and thank you for catching those. The end though is spot on. After a night of partying she is going to expose something to you lol!
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Got it! I see you made edits, and I have revised up the rating.
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Thank you again Simian!
Comment from Gunner Lil
Minds should be: mind is or mind's
That sexy wink maybe should be a sexy wink.
An easy read and a good picture.
I would delete the last verse.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Minds should be: mind is or mind's
That sexy wink maybe should be a sexy wink.
An easy read and a good picture.
I would delete the last verse.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Roger that!
Comment from Brenda Strauser
This poem beings back memories of my younger years. Long time ago. A very nice poem with good rhyming. You described tge wild night vert good.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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This poem beings back memories of my younger years. Long time ago. A very nice poem with good rhyming. You described tge wild night vert good.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Brenda. I think we have all been there lol!
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Those kinds of Saturday nights were a lot of fun when I was young enough to enjoy them lol Now, I get tired just reading about them. Your poem describes one of those night perfectly. thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Those kinds of Saturday nights were a lot of fun when I was young enough to enjoy them lol Now, I get tired just reading about them. Your poem describes one of those night perfectly. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Marilyn for your review!
Comment from Jacob1395
I think you expressed the feelings that come with drinking alcohol really well in your piece. We definitely all feel more confident when we've had a few to drink and you conveyed that well here. I really liked the smooth flow of your writing. I really enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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I think you expressed the feelings that come with drinking alcohol really well in your piece. We definitely all feel more confident when we've had a few to drink and you conveyed that well here. I really liked the smooth flow of your writing. I really enjoyed it.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Jacob. I really appreciate your review!