Cornbread Without Butter
I sure made a mistake in your sister's Easy-Bake.71 total reviews
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a delightful Western song, only requiring the melody. With your creative talent, Andre, this will be a breeze for you, and I'm certain this is a Blake Shelton song...
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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In my opinion, a delightful Western song, only requiring the melody. With your creative talent, Andre, this will be a breeze for you, and I'm certain this is a Blake Shelton song...
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Ah, Evesayshi, I must check out Blake Shelton to find out ho he is. Thank you for your encouraging review.
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He is a talented country singer, Andre, currently a judge on The Voice, Channel 4, Monday and Tuesday evenings at 8PM, and you are so welcome indeed, my pleasure...Eve
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Thank you, Eve, I made a note of Shelton.
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You are very welcome, Andre, again, my pleasure...Eve
Comment from Mark Valentine
I lived in Kentucky for a short while (2 years), but it was long enough to appreciate the importance of corn bread. This is old school country (following in the footsteps of such great food-inspired works as "Poke Salad Annie" and "Jambalay") A great title. I love the reference to the Piggly Wiggly.
I must admit the line "I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake." has me a bit puzzled (She left him because he fooled around with her sister?). At any rate, it sounds cool.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I lived in Kentucky for a short while (2 years), but it was long enough to appreciate the importance of corn bread. This is old school country (following in the footsteps of such great food-inspired works as "Poke Salad Annie" and "Jambalay") A great title. I love the reference to the Piggly Wiggly.
I must admit the line "I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake." has me a bit puzzled (She left him because he fooled around with her sister?). At any rate, it sounds cool.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Mark, BINGO. He fooled around with her sister. Thank you for your delicious review.
Comment from estory
It's a down home, humorous take on relationships; people who need each other, and love each other, are very much like cornbread and butter, and to be without the other, is to take the butter out of it. its just not the same. Nice treatment of the rhythms and musical elements of this poem. I think you succeeded in your aim estroy
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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It's a down home, humorous take on relationships; people who need each other, and love each other, are very much like cornbread and butter, and to be without the other, is to take the butter out of it. its just not the same. Nice treatment of the rhythms and musical elements of this poem. I think you succeeded in your aim estroy
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Thank you, estory, for your generous review of my humorous song on relationshions. I appreciate it.
Comment from krys123
Bravo!
Bravo and Cheers, Andre';
-this reminds me of the song I like cornbread in the morning. It's too bad you're not out there acting this poem out? For I can visualize it happening while I was reading this is just one of those things that has to be heard along with a body performing the descriptive nuances of the palatable parts of this integrated poem.
-It definitely has substance in the pauses which can be acted out.
-Shares that aloof emptiness but with a crying desire that a loved one is not there with you is expressed in a way as being aloof but sincere.
-I also like the humor of writing the simple poetry that is almost like roses are red violets are blue. This seems to make the reader show the lightheartedness of his emptiness of the way the poet perceives it.
-Thanks for sharing this, Andre', and take care and have a go to my dear friend of wait for your call we have much to talk.
Alex
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Bravo!
Bravo and Cheers, Andre';
-this reminds me of the song I like cornbread in the morning. It's too bad you're not out there acting this poem out? For I can visualize it happening while I was reading this is just one of those things that has to be heard along with a body performing the descriptive nuances of the palatable parts of this integrated poem.
-It definitely has substance in the pauses which can be acted out.
-Shares that aloof emptiness but with a crying desire that a loved one is not there with you is expressed in a way as being aloof but sincere.
-I also like the humor of writing the simple poetry that is almost like roses are red violets are blue. This seems to make the reader show the lightheartedness of his emptiness of the way the poet perceives it.
-Thanks for sharing this, Andre', and take care and have a go to my dear friend of wait for your call we have much to talk.
Alex
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Alex, I wouldn't say it's too bad I'm not out there acting this poem out, because I'm planning to perform it. You know me. I can't read a note or play an instrument, but if I have a song in my heart, I sing it. This is about my eighth song posted on FanStory and people are clamoring to hear me sing it with musical accompaniment. I'm beginning to have enough material for an album. That is the direction I must go. I may have to return to the Freight & Salvage Open Mic Night and hang out with musicians with whom I could collaborate.
Thank you for your generous six star review and for noting my lighthearted humor and aloof emptiness. We'll talk soon. I hope your infection healed.
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Ah, Alex, I was so stunned to win Poem of the Month for this that I rushed to memorize and rehearse it so I could perform it at the San Francisco Free Folk Festival, replacing my "Emancipation Day" song. Enjoy and thank you for your support.
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Enduringly fabulous I enjoyed every minute of it. What I perceive, looking through my psychological?background?eyes and awareness of physical breathing, So you start your program struggling for you breath and take her breathing to wear it I think were setting your timing off, just think tad, like he was struggling. Then within 20 seconds or 25 seconds (I timed it) of your brilliant
presentation. It's like you were kind of stage stage wary? But then you would took off like a rocket and it was just blatantly fun, to keep up, with this comical rhetoric. Take care my friend and have a good one and thanks I'll copy this down to my notebook.
Alex
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Yes, I started my song struggling for breath because I had just performed "Don't Let My Dog Be Left Behind" beforehand where I barked all over the stage. That "Dog" song took a lot of energy out of me. I will change the song order next time. I have an open mic coming up this week in Pinole at the East Bay Coffee Company Open Mic. I am curious to how I would perform if I did the "Cornbread" song alone in front of an audience comprised mostly of a hundred teens. I'm also eyeing the Freight & Salvage Open Mic in Berkeley which has some of the best microphones and the best concert hall in our region. I'll let you know how that goes. Thanks for the tip.
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Andre
=>I can imagine. knowing that you could TWO in a row! Now that your professional comic entertainer!
=>That's fantastic I wish you all the strength and calmness in your up-and-coming open mics.
=>I'm so excited for you you're so busy you better take care of your health. Don't forget about yourself now!
=> Take care yourself, Andre', and good luck and Godspeed. but mostly take care and have a good one especially because you just deserve it.
Alex
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My wife and I were listening to this Andre', Sunday morning, And I think we noticed that your zipper was slightly showing. Chuckle!
=>But the real reason is the volume was really low civil burnout listen to it again in my Recording Studio, where I have large monitors and I can adjust sound. So, we listen to it For just halfway and then were going to listen to it in my Studio as I get dressed, which takes me a while, because I still and that infection in my foot and can't walk.
=>So, How wheelchair myself over to my studio, later and we will listen to it louder and I can enhance the ambiance.
=>You're amazing, Andre and I wish you all the luck, happiness and stamina in all your endeavors as a standup and justly great person.
=>Take care and have a good one, Andre', especially because you just DESERVE it.
Alex
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Thanks, Alex, for the tip about the zipper. I remember passing the body length mirror in the bathroom and thinking "You should look at yourself in that mirror." Instead, I passed it and looked at the shoulder high mirror. Won't do that again! : )
Yes, I was caught off guard by my event being unmiked because I had rehearsed for a mic. I did the best I could with the iPhone I have and the projection my voice made. The sound quality was challenged by the music coming through the open door from a folk music jam across the hall.
I had a great time at the Folk Music Festival of which the storytelling was a part. I enjoyed going to the Open Mic and studying musicians and their guitar playing. I want to be at that mic next year, and committed myself to practicing my guitar more.
As I bid farewell to the Folk Festival, I look forward to my next performance this week with tweaks to my "Cornbread Without Butter" song.
For what it's worth, here is my video of my entire set at the Folk Festival. Notice the music coming down the hall. Enjoy and thank you for your tips and encouragements.
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Thank you so much, Andre', and it seems like you've taking on a full plate, But it sounds like so much fun
and I just hope your voice can hold up. God willing!
So bless you, Andre', and good luck and I will listen to this other video you sent but I'm going to listen to it in my studio where I can really here the ambiance. Take care again, my friend, Especially when you're playing the Apollo. Yeah... Does it even exist anymore! Chuckle!
Take care
Alex
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Yes, the Apollo still exists. I have a picture taped in my closet because I would like to perform at the Apollo someday. Spent the evening practicing guitar. You are right?I have a lot of my plate . . . I perform, practice guitar, and I must keep writing. I miss you all here on FS, but you?ll see me again when I have another song. Take care.
Comment from Ben Colder
Yea, but I like mine in buttermilk too. Hard to find that right person who can make good cornbread, I like the Mexican too. Now that is a treat. You must try it sometimes. LOL.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yea, but I like mine in buttermilk too. Hard to find that right person who can make good cornbread, I like the Mexican too. Now that is a treat. You must try it sometimes. LOL.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Ben, I started baking cornbread with buttermilk. It's moist and tastes betteer. Thank you for your delicious review.
Comment from ameen786
Andre my friend, this is a unique and rib-tickling poem/song you penned; a touch of melancholy but, still tasty; thanks for sharing this delightful treat.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Andre my friend, this is a unique and rib-tickling poem/song you penned; a touch of melancholy but, still tasty; thanks for sharing this delightful treat.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Thank you, ameen786, for your tasty review of my melancholy, rib-tickling song.
Comment from MercurySeven
I enjoyed this one a lot, Andre. It's different from anything I've seen from you--Country song lyrics, yee-haw--but it has some identifiable traits that are packaged differently. The genuine introspection, the tongue-in-cheek playfulness with language and tone, the outside-the-box creative flourishes, and the clarity of voice. I love the central metaphor; I think it sustains the song/poem all on its own.
Cornbread and butter,
the two need each other.
Luckily, the rest is very good too:
Now I'm cornbread without butter without you. -- excellent lyrics, a lovely and fun end to the refrains
You're not afraid to try for some unlikely inner rhymes and slant rhymes, that, IMO, work a treat throughout. The third one below is my favourite:
And now it's three a.m. (1) and I'm hungry again. (1)
I went to the kitchen (2) to check for some fixins. (2)
I found your cold skillet (3) with no cornpones in it. (3)
The Country feel really comes across in the following verse - the slang phrasing and suggestiveness left me grinning:
You had squealed at the deal on corn to grind to meal. -- nice triple rhyme
Now you've got up and gone. Woman, I did you wrong. -- classic Country lyrics
I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake. -- rofl! But also kinda sad (regret)
There's nothing I'd personally change. Not that I know a great deal about writing song lyrics, but I'd love to hear this one sung. It's great fun!
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I enjoyed this one a lot, Andre. It's different from anything I've seen from you--Country song lyrics, yee-haw--but it has some identifiable traits that are packaged differently. The genuine introspection, the tongue-in-cheek playfulness with language and tone, the outside-the-box creative flourishes, and the clarity of voice. I love the central metaphor; I think it sustains the song/poem all on its own.
Cornbread and butter,
the two need each other.
Luckily, the rest is very good too:
Now I'm cornbread without butter without you. -- excellent lyrics, a lovely and fun end to the refrains
You're not afraid to try for some unlikely inner rhymes and slant rhymes, that, IMO, work a treat throughout. The third one below is my favourite:
And now it's three a.m. (1) and I'm hungry again. (1)
I went to the kitchen (2) to check for some fixins. (2)
I found your cold skillet (3) with no cornpones in it. (3)
The Country feel really comes across in the following verse - the slang phrasing and suggestiveness left me grinning:
You had squealed at the deal on corn to grind to meal. -- nice triple rhyme
Now you've got up and gone. Woman, I did you wrong. -- classic Country lyrics
I sure made a mistake in your sis' Easy-Bake. -- rofl! But also kinda sad (regret)
There's nothing I'd personally change. Not that I know a great deal about writing song lyrics, but I'd love to hear this one sung. It's great fun!
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, MercurySeven, this Country Western song caught me off guard. I used to listen to it a lot when I was younger, but seldom now. I let the song dictate to me how it should be written or sung. I do not shoe horn it into my comfort zone. I let the song take me wherever it needs to go, regardless of whether or not I have any experience in writing in that genre. If the next song says "Jazz", I will write a jazz song even though I have no experience. Working from outside the tradition is why my song has "identifiable traits that are packaged differently."
Aside from the chorus, I wrote this song in one day on my Mexican vacation. Thanks for pointing the qualities you liked in the various verses. Many reviewers would like to hear this one sung, so that is my next step.
Thank you for your enthusiastic six star review and encouragement.
Comment from Sugarray77
I wholeheartedly agree that cornbread and butter go together. What a cute song and thanks for sharing. I would love to hear it put to music. Please let us know if that happens. Good job on this.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I wholeheartedly agree that cornbread and butter go together. What a cute song and thanks for sharing. I would love to hear it put to music. Please let us know if that happens. Good job on this.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, Sugarray77, reviewers are clamouring to hear my song put to music. I'll let you know. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Air Spirit
I really enjoyed your poem.. First of all, I LOVE cornbread.. and it certainly has to have butter on it for me to fully enjoy.. Your prose poem was written with a tasty tone of simplicity and sincerity. Your poem is one that I feel almost everyone could relate to and appreciate.. my favorite line of yours is your the theme that permeates your poem "...cornbread and butter - the two need each other..." you aptly point out that we all need love to feed us and give our being sustenance. I enjoy the way your poem has an innocent, old-fashioned tone of love and longing, yet you have slipped in a few slices of spicy rhetoric that heat things up, like "...I can't find another who bakes it hot like you.." and "you left me alone while my love for you groans.. this poem is a tasty treat that truly whets and wets the appetite. ):
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I really enjoyed your poem.. First of all, I LOVE cornbread.. and it certainly has to have butter on it for me to fully enjoy.. Your prose poem was written with a tasty tone of simplicity and sincerity. Your poem is one that I feel almost everyone could relate to and appreciate.. my favorite line of yours is your the theme that permeates your poem "...cornbread and butter - the two need each other..." you aptly point out that we all need love to feed us and give our being sustenance. I enjoy the way your poem has an innocent, old-fashioned tone of love and longing, yet you have slipped in a few slices of spicy rhetoric that heat things up, like "...I can't find another who bakes it hot like you.." and "you left me alone while my love for you groans.. this poem is a tasty treat that truly whets and wets the appetite. ):
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Thank you, Air Spirit, for your delicious review. After I had amassed a FanStory war chest of $60.00 and 37 Member Cent Pumps, I took a one day break from FanStory reviewing to finish writing this song as I was on my last days of my Mexican vacation. First, I wrote out my story synopsis in prose. Once I knew what the story was, I wrote the lyrics one stanza at a time. Yes, I wanted it to sound innocent and old-fashioned but have a little spice to it. I wrote a poem about chocolate addiction and another about tortilla obsession, but I nailed it in this foodie song equating food with love and sustenance. Thanks for pointing out your favorite lines. I'm glad my song whets your appetite.
Comment from RGstar
They're is a reggae song with similar undertones. Love this, Sis Cat. Great humor and charm with a little touch of culture. Tongue in cheek and well worth my six stars.
Love the read.
My very best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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They're is a reggae song with similar undertones. Love this, Sis Cat. Great humor and charm with a little touch of culture. Tongue in cheek and well worth my six stars.
Love the read.
My very best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Oh, thank you, RG, for your generous, six star review. Only after I began writing my song did I recall a similar song by the Newbeats called "Bread and Butter." I'm glad you enjoyed the tongue in cheek humor and charm of my song.