Broken Promise
The realization of the Greatest Gift of All.62 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Such a sad story, but a great flourish at the end, it doesn't matter who loves us, but only that we're loved. A very touching, poignantly sad, but the fact that a little boy is so appreciative of the love he does have. That love will be his strength and example, well done, good characters, excellent plot, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo There are (surly) less dangerous places...surely?
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
  |
Such a sad story, but a great flourish at the end, it doesn't matter who loves us, but only that we're loved. A very touching, poignantly sad, but the fact that a little boy is so appreciative of the love he does have. That love will be his strength and example, well done, good characters, excellent plot, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo There are (surly) less dangerous places...surely?
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much, Roy, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Yes, one sad, forgotten child or person is too many. Fortunately, Timmy has someone to love him. Sadly, many others aren't so lucky. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
-
Most welcome
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is such a touching, delightful story and so well presented --- to be loved certainly is the greatest gift of all.
It's okay(,) Nanny
"What? Timmy."
"What, Timmy?"
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
This is such a touching, delightful story and so well presented --- to be loved certainly is the greatest gift of all.
It's okay(,) Nanny
"What? Timmy."
"What, Timmy?"
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much, Margaret Snowdon, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Also, Congratulations, I just noticed you are the writer or story of the month again. You are outstanding and I enjoy everything of yours that I read. One of these days I'm going to catch one of your books so that I can start from the beginning and follow it through. Thanks a million, my friend. :-)
Comment from Teri7
This is a very sweet story for this Greatest Gift of All contest. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery and dialogue in it as well. Best wishes in the contest! Teri
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
This is a very sweet story for this Greatest Gift of All contest. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery and dialogue in it as well. Best wishes in the contest! Teri
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much, Teri7, my sweet friend, for taking time to read my story. It's only the second post I've managed this year. But thankfully, I've got one hand back to working, and the second isn't far off. LOL! Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Bill O'Bier
My grandmother taught me that happiness is both a skill and a decision, and you are responsible for the outcome. Thanks for the memorable poem. All the best to you...
Bill~
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
My grandmother taught me that happiness is both a skill and a decision, and you are responsible for the outcome. Thanks for the memorable poem. All the best to you...
Bill~
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
It's amazing how people in so many different parts of the world learn the same teachings. My grandmother taught the same lesson. It's hard to imagine where I would be without the foundation she helped me build. Thank you so much, Bill O'Bier, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from E J Howell
What a great story, and unfortunately only too common: parents who aren't in a position to love and care for their children, and what that does to the children. The woman across the street is the perfect point of view, and I think the story would be better if her point of view was maintained throughout. She starts out telling the story, but then her husband George becomes the narrator, and then back to Helen, and then, toward the end, the boy's Nanny takes over. I think the story would be stronger if Helen could narrate from beginning to end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
 |
What a great story, and unfortunately only too common: parents who aren't in a position to love and care for their children, and what that does to the children. The woman across the street is the perfect point of view, and I think the story would be better if her point of view was maintained throughout. She starts out telling the story, but then her husband George becomes the narrator, and then back to Helen, and then, toward the end, the boy's Nanny takes over. I think the story would be stronger if Helen could narrate from beginning to end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
I'm sorry you didn't like the story. Helen was a narrator from beginning to end. Other people talked, but the narrator never changed. I wish I had done something to make you like it better. It's just confounds me when I get nothing but fives and sixes from talented and knowledgeable writers for three days, and then I get a three? Thanks for reading.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really lovely, but, oh so sad. How many children in the world there must be who are waiting for their mum and dad to come and they don't. It's not a fair world, is it? I really enjoyed this one, it's a great contest entry. Good luck. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
That was really lovely, but, oh so sad. How many children in the world there must be who are waiting for their mum and dad to come and they don't. It's not a fair world, is it? I really enjoyed this one, it's a great contest entry. Good luck. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much, Sandra Mitchel, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
-
I was just so sorry you were the only entry. It would have won even had there been loads of entries.
-
Well, I would like to think you are right, but truthfully, we'll never know. LOL! But who cares? For as long as I have a wonderful person like you saying such nice things, the ribbon doesn't seem that important anyway. Thanks a million. You are a sweetheart of a person! Your friend, Ric. :-)
-
Aww, Ric, I didn't know it was you, blind contest, you are an amazing poet my friend. Much love and a big hug. xxx
Comment from sunnilicious
Well written story. The details and visual imagery are so life-like and believable. The story unfolded well with good narrative and dialogue. That is a wonderful ending. Nice work. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
Well written story. The details and visual imagery are so life-like and believable. The story unfolded well with good narrative and dialogue. That is a wonderful ending. Nice work. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much, Sunnilicious, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I always want to tell you, but so far haven't, that you have the greatest Fan Story name! One that's brightens fellow writer's mood just by reading it. :-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
What a wonderful ending to a sad story. Timmy seems to deal with his parents' rejection fairly well since his grandmother gives him the love he needs.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
What a wonderful ending to a sad story. Timmy seems to deal with his parents' rejection fairly well since his grandmother gives him the love he needs.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Yes, Timmy, has the love of his grandmother. I wish everyone could pick up on that part and understand that the ending isn't all that sad. Timmy's lucky, not everyone has some to love them. Now that's sad. LOL! Thank you so much, Phyllis Stewart, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A nice piece for the competition you've crafted here,
to watch the little neighbor boy - this is a little awkward.
Whew! You could see the fire building inside her - be careful of using phrases containing you as you're giving a voice to the narrator which can sometimes lift the reader out of the story you're telling a creat something of a disconnection.
is anything but--quietly happy and satisfied herself--the definition of content - I don't think you need the clarification description between the dashes here.
and there are surly less dangerous places - surely (surly means grumpy).
"How often would you say they visit you? - need closing speech marks here.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
Hi there,
A nice piece for the competition you've crafted here,
to watch the little neighbor boy - this is a little awkward.
Whew! You could see the fire building inside her - be careful of using phrases containing you as you're giving a voice to the narrator which can sometimes lift the reader out of the story you're telling a creat something of a disconnection.
is anything but--quietly happy and satisfied herself--the definition of content - I don't think you need the clarification description between the dashes here.
and there are surly less dangerous places - surely (surly means grumpy).
"How often would you say they visit you? - need closing speech marks here.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much, G, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. I will get right after the changes. However, I'm undecided about "Surely." Written as "Surely," which I have, and meaning -- "sure·ly" SHo͝orlē/adverb adverb: surely 1. used to emphasize the speaker's firm belief that what they are saying is true and often their surprise that there is any doubt of this. Sometimes I know that words have different meaning in different parts of the world, which can screw us all up. Of course, it doesn't take much to get me on the wrong track, for sure, or surely, or "Whatever." Always appreciate you and the time you spend helping us all erase our nits. LOL! :-)
Comment from Winslow
Dear Writer,
This is well written and a sad, poignant tale. Timmy must be living in a foster home. It is sad when parents neglect their own children. The reader can feel Timmy's and Helen's pain.
One thing you will have to correct. You mix present and past tenses. Choose one or the other.
For example if you choose past tense here is a suggested edit for this section.
Her eyes widened in surprise, with the look of "Who me!" Then, she blurted, "Mind your own damn business, George. I can watch whatever-n-the-hell I want. Besides, somebody needs to show the boy some concern."
"About what ... a little boy playing with his army men? Jesus Christ, woman, leave the peewee-tyke alone and let him play."
"Well, if you must know, this is the third day in a row that he has spent the whole day playing in that exact place ... I don't even think he's gone in to pee that I've witnessed."
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
 |
Dear Writer,
This is well written and a sad, poignant tale. Timmy must be living in a foster home. It is sad when parents neglect their own children. The reader can feel Timmy's and Helen's pain.
One thing you will have to correct. You mix present and past tenses. Choose one or the other.
For example if you choose past tense here is a suggested edit for this section.
Her eyes widened in surprise, with the look of "Who me!" Then, she blurted, "Mind your own damn business, George. I can watch whatever-n-the-hell I want. Besides, somebody needs to show the boy some concern."
"About what ... a little boy playing with his army men? Jesus Christ, woman, leave the peewee-tyke alone and let him play."
"Well, if you must know, this is the third day in a row that he has spent the whole day playing in that exact place ... I don't even think he's gone in to pee that I've witnessed."
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much, Winslow, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and extra-special six-star review are greatly appreciated. I see where I used "blurted" when it should have been "blurts." I must be blind or just plain stupid, but I don't see anything wrong with the sentence ("About what ... a little boy playing with his army mean? Jesus Christ, woman, leave the peewee tyke alone and let him play.") That is unless you were meaning to remove the hypen between peewee and tyke. I hope in the next sentence that you are meaning not to use has before spent or he spends. Otherwise, I don't understand what needs changing there either. I can't think you enough, and hope I can get my tenses corrected. :-)
-
I went in and tried to make your suggested changes. I hope I got them right. LOL! Thanks!