2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "haiku suite (on a warm day)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
55 total reviews
Comment from Glasstruth
Haiku suites are a gas to read especially when written well as this is. Like how you combined warmth with a cool brook. The second haiku has spring, a rebirth of life, and the third ends cleverly with "birth control." Superbly written. Les
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Haiku suites are a gas to read especially when written well as this is. Like how you combined warmth with a cool brook. The second haiku has spring, a rebirth of life, and the third ends cleverly with "birth control." Superbly written. Les
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much Les, I really appreciate your feedback and great review. :)
Comment from vapros
This is a clever and interesting entry in the water suite prompt, and should be a strong contender. The third haiku shows great imagination and a fine satori. Good work.
v
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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This is a clever and interesting entry in the water suite prompt, and should be a strong contender. The third haiku shows great imagination and a fine satori. Good work.
v
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank you Vapros :)
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
These haiku have good concrete imagery. Some suggestions that might sharpen them up (in my opinion): change "April's rain" just to APRIL RAIN"; change "bird of paradise's" just to BIRD OF PARADISE; change "waterfall deafens" to WATERFALL DEADENS(it is not the waterfall that was deafened). I really like the satori in the last haiku: "birth control". Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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These haiku have good concrete imagery. Some suggestions that might sharpen them up (in my opinion): change "April's rain" just to APRIL RAIN"; change "bird of paradise's" just to BIRD OF PARADISE; change "waterfall deafens" to WATERFALL DEADENS(it is not the waterfall that was deafened). I really like the satori in the last haiku: "birth control". Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Hello Jeanie, I like your suggestions, thank you for the feed back and review. :)
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I looked back, and the changes look great.
(Note: If you're going to keep the
"deafened," you probably should say "deafens" - in order to keep it in present tense as mentioned in the rules.)
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You are right
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This just gets better and better. "Drowns" is a good word choice.
Comment from Judvan2
I loved the twists of ideas in this. I don't know much about this form but the ideas were great. I love anything with double or hidden meanings and this did it. Thanks good luck in the contest,
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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I loved the twists of ideas in this. I don't know much about this form but the ideas were great. I love anything with double or hidden meanings and this did it. Thanks good luck in the contest,
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank you Judvan :)
Comment from RGstar
You nailed the humorous aspect in all three. I applaud you on the final with the mention of 'birth control'
A very well done, and all though a difficult comptition, I expect this to be up there.
Best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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You nailed the humorous aspect in all three. I applaud you on the final with the mention of 'birth control'
A very well done, and all though a difficult comptition, I expect this to be up there.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank RGstar, I really appreciate the review and kind words :)
Comment from lightink
This is absolutely fantastic! The images are clear - including the sound description :) - and the satori lines are poignant! The third one made me laugh out loud! Birth control, heh? :D
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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This is absolutely fantastic! The images are clear - including the sound description :) - and the satori lines are poignant! The third one made me laugh out loud! Birth control, heh? :D
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank lightink, I really appreciate the review and kind words :)
Comment from poetadeu
Each of these have powerful imagery.
It is always amazing the information that can
be claimed in such few words.
I am betting if you ask some, if not most, men
if they would like to pass a law that women
should speak in Japanese Haiku that it would
be passed...
Much luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Each of these have powerful imagery.
It is always amazing the information that can
be claimed in such few words.
I am betting if you ask some, if not most, men
if they would like to pass a law that women
should speak in Japanese Haiku that it would
be passed...
Much luck with the contest!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank poetadeu I really appreciate the review and kind words :)
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Was my pleasure...Joyce
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Was my pleasure...Joyce
Comment from paperwait
These are three great haiku. You have created good mental imagery. I especially like the humor in the last one. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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These are three great haiku. You have created good mental imagery. I especially like the humor in the last one. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank paperwait I really appreciate the review and kind words :)
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Each of the three haiku in your haiku suite is a clean deep piece of imaginative. I specially like the last one, so real and true. Great work of creativity.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Each of the three haiku in your haiku suite is a clean deep piece of imaginative. I specially like the last one, so real and true. Great work of creativity.
ola thomas
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank Ola, I really appreciate the review and kind words :)
Comment from Leineco
I like the three aspects you have chosen (the 'clear' running brook, the 'drought easing' rain and the accidental consequences) :-)
Nicely done :-) :-) :-)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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I like the three aspects you have chosen (the 'clear' running brook, the 'drought easing' rain and the accidental consequences) :-)
Nicely done :-) :-) :-)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thank Leineco I really appreciate the review and kind words :)