Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "A Hoka Moon, Pt. 1"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from Nefarioushibachi
I really enjoyed this chapter. I want to go back and reread the rest of the story. I love that it kept my attention and intrigued me. If I was going to be picky I would say that the line "He was driving like a maniac as it was" seems a little repetitive (and the as it was feels a bit tacked on). I feel like Skeets also jumped very quickly to "this guy may be in danger because he saw a car, I should offer him a place to say" but that is really me being picky. I feel like this is really polished.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
  |
I really enjoyed this chapter. I want to go back and reread the rest of the story. I love that it kept my attention and intrigued me. If I was going to be picky I would say that the line "He was driving like a maniac as it was" seems a little repetitive (and the as it was feels a bit tacked on). I feel like Skeets also jumped very quickly to "this guy may be in danger because he saw a car, I should offer him a place to say" but that is really me being picky. I feel like this is really polished.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Thank you for the great review and for sharing your insights. I appreciate the suggestions and will definitely check out the areas in question as they make sense. Take care, Bev
Comment from cherryyogurt
love the magnifying effect of his lenses gave the impression his eyelashes were flapping wings
Th person responsible for her death is passing==should be himself rather than themselves. Singular
great characterization and movement of story
Don't know what happened but when I was done with my notes, the entire comment deleted. Anyway, I will re-create. I loved this segment. Part of the reason is that you are funny. I see how well you tied together images of softness--the cat, the fat, the tiredness and juxtapose those images to ones of metal, harshness, chain link, which is great, but what makes this very special to me is that I keep smiling. The first image I loved was the haggard bush. That was just funny. Also I love the attempt to repress rolling the eyes--that's a fresh image. I know everything about Durbin when he describes the car as made for midgets. You have a fine touch, and this is great writing and I don't want to lose this again, so I will send.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
love the magnifying effect of his lenses gave the impression his eyelashes were flapping wings
Th person responsible for her death is passing==should be himself rather than themselves. Singular
great characterization and movement of story
Don't know what happened but when I was done with my notes, the entire comment deleted. Anyway, I will re-create. I loved this segment. Part of the reason is that you are funny. I see how well you tied together images of softness--the cat, the fat, the tiredness and juxtapose those images to ones of metal, harshness, chain link, which is great, but what makes this very special to me is that I keep smiling. The first image I loved was the haggard bush. That was just funny. Also I love the attempt to repress rolling the eyes--that's a fresh image. I know everything about Durbin when he describes the car as made for midgets. You have a fine touch, and this is great writing and I don't want to lose this again, so I will send.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Thank you much, cherryyogurt. I think you've made an excellent point. Thanks for the generosity and support! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from pbroussard209
I would give you six stars but I'm out at the moment. I loved this chapter. Your characters are fun and have so much personality. I love the part about the cat as it sounds just like mine. And naming to gun Sally cracked me up. Very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
I would give you six stars but I'm out at the moment. I loved this chapter. Your characters are fun and have so much personality. I love the part about the cat as it sounds just like mine. And naming to gun Sally cracked me up. Very enjoyable.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Hello, pb. What a delightful review! Thank you so much for sharing your insights into what you liked about the chapter. I always find that so helpful. And your wish for a six is icing on the cake of your encouragement. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Cornelius2000
A delightful read, with colorful dalogue, well written, between Skeets and Frankie. You've created a couple of entertaining, believable characters, and the story moves right along. Nice job.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
A delightful read, with colorful dalogue, well written, between Skeets and Frankie. You've created a couple of entertaining, believable characters, and the story moves right along. Nice job.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Dave. Thanks so much for this delightful review. I really appreciate you taking out to read the chapter. Your support means a lot! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
Having a gun in the house has added responsibilities. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Writing two books at once, is a challenge.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
Having a gun in the house has added responsibilities. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Writing two books at once, is a challenge.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Charlie. Yes, jumping back and forth can get a little hairy at times. Thanks for your wonderful review. I always enjoy getting your insights. Warm regards, Bev
-
Be careful, Bev.
-
:o) Yes, I don't want to overextend and create crap.
Comment from Adri7enne
Your writing is so 'spot on'. I could see Epstein coming to the door, buttoning his jacket over his belly. Wonderful! Even the cat was a great touch.
The dialogue was totally believable. I could see the inside of that messy house as the scene unfolded. Damn, that's fine writing, Bev. And the way you pulled us in again at the end. Lots of tension building here. Good chapter, girl.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
Your writing is so 'spot on'. I could see Epstein coming to the door, buttoning his jacket over his belly. Wonderful! Even the cat was a great touch.
The dialogue was totally believable. I could see the inside of that messy house as the scene unfolded. Damn, that's fine writing, Bev. And the way you pulled us in again at the end. Lots of tension building here. Good chapter, girl.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Adrienne. Thank you so much for this awesome review, my friend. I worked this chapter over pretty good before posting, so your insights mean a lot to me. I always appreciate your generosity and support, buddy. Hugs, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
So they finally have a clue, Bev. Wonder if this help the case. Hopefully, they piece this together soon. I'm anxious to find out who is killing these people. The detective should be glad he didn't offer him any coffee. The place didn't sound very sanitary. :o)
April
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
So they finally have a clue, Bev. Wonder if this help the case. Hopefully, they piece this together soon. I'm anxious to find out who is killing these people. The detective should be glad he didn't offer him any coffee. The place didn't sound very sanitary. :o)
April
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Good point about the coffee, April LOL. I really appreciate your delightful review. We're getting there, I promise! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Righteous Riter
You did a very good job leading the reader to thinking this was a dead end interview and then you revived the hope just when the reader thought it was over. Good job of raising the suspense going into the next chapter. Good work.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
You did a very good job leading the reader to thinking this was a dead end interview and then you revived the hope just when the reader thought it was over. Good job of raising the suspense going into the next chapter. Good work.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Righteous Riter. Thank you much for this very encouraging and generous review. I really appreciate you taking time to read. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
As always this is great. Glad to see another chapter. It's driving me crazy not knowing who the murder is. =} As usual I have no need to correct anything as it is all perfect.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
As always this is great. Glad to see another chapter. It's driving me crazy not knowing who the murder is. =} As usual I have no need to correct anything as it is all perfect.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Rox. I'm sorry to put you through this torture LOL. We're getting there. Unlike television shows portray, police work is slow and methodical. That's the one thing I'm hoping to convey in a realistic manner.
I sure appreciate the great review and encouragement, Rox.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Annalise B.
Excellent! What a delight to read so far. I like how you give us an insight into Skeet's thoughts as he's interviewing Mr. Durbin; I believe you're a seasoned writer who writes professionally...your grammar and spelling are perfect. I would not change a thing. On to part II
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
|
Excellent! What a delight to read so far. I like how you give us an insight into Skeet's thoughts as he's interviewing Mr. Durbin; I believe you're a seasoned writer who writes professionally...your grammar and spelling are perfect. I would not change a thing. On to part II
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Annalise. I really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter. Thanks for the very generous and encouraging review. Warm regards, Bev
-
It was a pleasure, Bev. And I enjoyed reading it. Take care and enjoy the rest of the weekend!
-
And you as well, Annalise. :0) Bev