All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Pull Up a Blue Chair"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
87 total reviews
Comment from Rembrandt
Successfully put onto paper your goal to go from rap to thinking.
Tempted here to respond to the statements but have a responsibility to "review" your very effective free verse.
You've stirred my emotions, touched my sensory control panel with words like finger, rough, swimming, leaking, cracking, numb, howl, and inspiring perfumed blooms.
Your slowing mechanics of agreeing with the angry fault-finder (build your wall, yes,) followed by the one word steps down to a more peaceful mental image is brilliant.
So here's a bunch of red "stuff" for your upper left corner.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
  |
Successfully put onto paper your goal to go from rap to thinking.
Tempted here to respond to the statements but have a responsibility to "review" your very effective free verse.
You've stirred my emotions, touched my sensory control panel with words like finger, rough, swimming, leaking, cracking, numb, howl, and inspiring perfumed blooms.
Your slowing mechanics of agreeing with the angry fault-finder (build your wall, yes,) followed by the one word steps down to a more peaceful mental image is brilliant.
So here's a bunch of red "stuff" for your upper left corner.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx Rembrandt! appreciate the red "stuff" dear!
Comment from Cleo Belle
There was so much in this poem that was very well written - from the word choice to the structure - both visually and tonally. Really good, well done.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
There was so much in this poem that was very well written - from the word choice to the structure - both visually and tonally. Really good, well done.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx Cleo!
Comment from rtoddwatts22
Sharyn, This is a refreshing commentary on the political scene and society in general. The rapid-fire delivery of the piece is perfect for the subject. I do love a good scathing rant and this is the best one I've read in a long time.
Awesome Poem! Best Wishes, Todd
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
Sharyn, This is a refreshing commentary on the political scene and society in general. The rapid-fire delivery of the piece is perfect for the subject. I do love a good scathing rant and this is the best one I've read in a long time.
Awesome Poem! Best Wishes, Todd
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx Todd!
Comment from snemes
Wow! I liked your angry and in your face poem. You are not afraid to speak the ugly truth. I have a perverse desire to disinfect the perimeter. That line is genius. This is such an accurate description of what is going on in the world. This reminded me of a story called The Mask of the Red Death. They tried to separate themselves from the disease, but it got to them anyway. Violence and poverty affect all of society, although we try to hide from it.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
Wow! I liked your angry and in your face poem. You are not afraid to speak the ugly truth. I have a perverse desire to disinfect the perimeter. That line is genius. This is such an accurate description of what is going on in the world. This reminded me of a story called The Mask of the Red Death. They tried to separate themselves from the disease, but it got to them anyway. Violence and poverty affect all of society, although we try to hide from it.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx sn! this was a good write for me! :) Sharyn
Comment from Cornelius2000
Wow, that's some mood that descended upon you after the Republican Convention.....dark! But the sun came out in that last verse and it looks as if good sense will prevail. I think I've told you that I know nothing about poetry, so will not attempt to critique it. I skip over poetry as I'm deciding what to review.
I did admire the format, with the black type on blue background and the sculptured blocks of type. You are so versatile!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
Wow, that's some mood that descended upon you after the Republican Convention.....dark! But the sun came out in that last verse and it looks as if good sense will prevail. I think I've told you that I know nothing about poetry, so will not attempt to critique it. I skip over poetry as I'm deciding what to review.
I did admire the format, with the black type on blue background and the sculptured blocks of type. You are so versatile!
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
hey Dave ... lovely to hear from you dear - I usually write scripts, but I'm having a little fun with poetry as this site seems so oriented that way :)
Comment from sibhus
Excellent thoughts that are so on the mark. I can see this being shout from a stage with a rel power and intensity followed by a slow thought provoking ending. This is some relly powerful stuff. Great poem.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
Excellent thoughts that are so on the mark. I can see this being shout from a stage with a rel power and intensity followed by a slow thought provoking ending. This is some relly powerful stuff. Great poem.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
you've got it! thx sib!
Comment from Glasstruth
Like a constant stream with rhymes flowing down the page, and the way it's structured makes for a quick read. Love those blue chairs and the green surrounding it. We all should maske our own paradise. Wonderfully executed. Superb! Les
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
Like a constant stream with rhymes flowing down the page, and the way it's structured makes for a quick read. Love those blue chairs and the green surrounding it. We all should maske our own paradise. Wonderfully executed. Superb! Les
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx my dear! :)
Comment from kashmayank
although I beleive that this was a bit long but I liked it.THE opening few stanzas were very well written all the best for future enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
although I beleive that this was a bit long but I liked it.THE opening few stanzas were very well written all the best for future enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx Kasha!
Comment from Hollyhock
Don't know Slam Poetry, but it works for me.
This is an effective appeal to thinking folk to try and make a difference, not just make sure they're all right "Jack", but attempt to make a difference. Even starting in a small way can be the beginning of a sweeping change.
Enjoyed the shape of this , the "incidental" rhyming couplets, usually initiating an important point, and the monosyllabic lines yelling intention/result.
You are stamping your own style on the free verse form and it is very exciting and readable.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
Don't know Slam Poetry, but it works for me.
This is an effective appeal to thinking folk to try and make a difference, not just make sure they're all right "Jack", but attempt to make a difference. Even starting in a small way can be the beginning of a sweeping change.
Enjoyed the shape of this , the "incidental" rhyming couplets, usually initiating an important point, and the monosyllabic lines yelling intention/result.
You are stamping your own style on the free verse form and it is very exciting and readable.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx Holly! this was rather a fun write for me! :) S
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Sharyn, this is good - really good. Your rhythms and explosive consonants add to the implied violence of your POV. Excellent. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
|
Sharyn, this is good - really good. Your rhythms and explosive consonants add to the implied violence of your POV. Excellent. :) Nancy
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
-
thx Nancy!