Comment from Warren Rodgers

Excellent

Steve,
This is a wonderful story poem very well written and rhymed. The cadence is very good, very smooth making your poem easy to read. You have conveyed the lesson of this poem skillfully and touched this reader's emotions. Congratulations to you.
Best regards, Warren

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2011

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2011

Thanks - glad you liked it. For a bit of fun you could check out the alternative ending which is posted separately as 'Who's Smiling Now?'
Steve

Comment from Nomar Chagrin

Excellent

Veddy good, Kiwi, veddy good. It was witty and sentimental all in one, which is hard to do. Happy ending worked well too. I wish my father were alive to show this to. He was in the marines against Japan, but would never talk about the war. Too many bad memories of losing buddies.

And thanks for including those author's notes. We should never forget atrocities like this.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2011

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2011

Thanks for taking a peek - the altenative ending has the wife saying 'You must be bloody joking, I think you've lost the plot!' - which is possibly more likely...
It is posted separately as 'Who's Smiling Now?'

You are right - apparently the depiction in 'Bridge on the River Kwai' was nowhere near as bad as the real thing.

Steve

Comment from Louise Willard

Excellent

I really liked this. Your attention to detail was great. That is no small amount of words and you handled them beautifully all the way through. And I love a happy ending! Well done and very deserving of the recognition it received.

 Comment Written 30-May-2011

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reply by the author on 30-May-2011

Thanks, Louise.
This is me being serious for a change. I couldn't resist, however, writing a funny version as well - I have posted the alternate ending as 'Who's Smiling Now?' if you want to take a lokk - warning - NOT a happy ending!
Steve

Comment from LadyCosgrove

Exceptional

I read this again and I stand by my original response. I still think it should have won. It's Brilliant!
.......................................................

What a wonderful tale. This is certainly your forte - you do them so well.
Are you going to put them together and publish them? I think you would do really well.

 Comment Written 30-May-2011

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reply by the author on 30-May-2011

Thanks for your kind words. I would like to publish at some stage, but I feel I need to get more of a kind written first - and then work out how to do the whole 'getting published' thing...
Steve

Comment from WilliamDeen

Excellent

GREAT POEM... however, I read the other poem already that you wrote about Smiler Jack and it is hilarious!!! I think I lean towards liking the other one better! LOL... This one makes you really think though... Pamela

 Comment Written 30-May-2011

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reply by the author on 30-May-2011

Thanks again!
Steve

Comment from sweetthanesue

Excellent

having now read both poems it is quite clever the two different endings however I must admit the rhyme rhythm and story in both poems sure kept the reader interested. Of course I prefer the happy ending however life is not always so. Appreciate "author's notes' and glad you referred me back to the original. well expressed.

 Comment Written 30-May-2011

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reply by the author on 30-May-2011

Thank you!
Someone has suggested a contest with the aim being a poem with two contrasting endings. What do you think?

reply by sweetthanesue on 30-May-2011

great idea we need some more challaging and varied contests especially in poetry not that I'm complaining but member comps are ours to inspire so why not sue

Comment from Janie King

Excellent

This is very well-written and I truly enjoyed it. It was easy to understand and read smoothly. It is full of many historical facts I did not know. The Bible tells us that we may be entertaining angels unaware. We never know. This wasvery enjoyable. God bless.

 Comment Written 29-May-2011

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reply by the author on 30-May-2011

Thanks, Janie.
I don't know if the Smiler could be counted as an Angel, but he did have a message that helped get the narrator back on track.
Glad you enjoyed.
Steve

Comment from Inge_Meldgaard

Exceptional

What a great story! You're a genius at writing these yarns in traditional style...truly! Moving, vivid, and a story worth telling - I've read that in Japan, they tend to deny their own history.
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He said "Son, I see you're hurtin', I can read it in your eyes.
* A question: why no comma after 'said' ?
and also here:
and he said "Mate, that's quite alright."

 Comment Written 29-May-2011

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reply by the author on 29-May-2011

Thanks again - off to fix those commas.

Comment from Melspoems

Excellent

Wow this is really good.
It gave me goosebumps when it got to the part about Jack being dead.
I very motivation story in a great poem.
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 29-May-2011

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reply by the author on 29-May-2011

Thank you for the great review - goosebumps, eh? I hate to think what you're like if you watch a ghost movie!!
Steve

Comment from Amicus

Excellent

Good poem, Steve...a story within a story within a poem! It held my interest from beginning to ending and flowed smoothly with satisfying rhymes and rhythms. The talking to a ghost trick is an old one but you do it well here and make it your own. I ended up really caring about this troubled young man and his family...that's quite an accomplishment for a short narrative poem. Good luck in the competition.

 Comment Written 29-May-2011

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reply by the author on 29-May-2011

Thank you! yes, there's nothing particularly new about the little ghost trick, but it still works well.
Glad to hear you got drawn in - it is a bit of a balancing act getting it right without being too soppy...