Comment from venusanblue

Excellent

Haha, I enjoyed this story. Pride before a fall,haha. I would have been in hysterics had I seen this. A well written poem, a good old rib tickling rhyme.
Lovedit, V,xx

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011

Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh!

Comment from Majicman

Excellent

If you don't win this contest we have a bunch of stuck-up nerds among us. Your story is brilliantly told with humour so bold.

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011

Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh! As for the contest - we shall see - I'm not counting any chickens!

Comment from RebelRose

Excellent

THis is indeed a funny story in a poem although I don't guess were doing any laughing. Your rhyming was very good and I enjoyed this tale of woe.

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011

Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh!

Comment from juliaSjames

Excellent

I'm sorry, but I can't help chuckling (in a most sympathetic way, of course) at this entertaining tale. Like the use of hyperbole to create dramatic effect, and I have to say that your rhyming is superlative.

Best of luck in the contest.

Updated Review

Great write, Steve. So sorry for your pain, but the description of the effects of your scream had me in stitches.

Terrific end rhymes. Maybe the meter wobbled a time or two. but you kept the flow going.

Reminds me of one of my cousins who contracted mumps as an adult. His heartless wife being immune to his agony, he apparently wept bitterly for his absent mummy.

Looking forward to browsing your book in due course.

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011

Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh!

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this poem about the family jewels, i enjoyed reading it and wish you the best of luck in the contest

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011

Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh!

Comment from SkyBluePink

Excellent

Holy Tomato Paste! This poor guy!
You did a splendid job with this writing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Although female, it didn't bring on laughter. I hurt for the poor soul!
I was able to pick up just a few misspells:
"All nerve endings are centred here," should read "centered"
"I'm not 100% what "floorwards" means, so that might not be an error on your part, but mine.
"Whining, whinging, whimpering, crying." Did you mean to say, " Whining, whining?" and not "whinging?" I don't know what "whinging" means. So again, this might be an error on my side.
Other than these few areas, this writing screamed "OUTSTANDING!" I absolutely loved it, and...well...maybe I did chuckle, just a tad.
You really had a fantastic way of bringing the reader right into the story, which is a true gift!
I'm sure you had a lot of men readers groaning.
Thanks for writing this for us.
How clever!
Keep Writing!
:)

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011

Thanks for the kind review.
'Centred' is NZ/Aust/UK spelling; 'whinging' also in common use here. Glad you enjoyed the story.

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

It is a very cute poem. I like the playful tone that it has. The word choice is good. The rhyming scheme is nice. You did a good job handling the subject matter.
Barbara

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011

Thanks!

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi kiwisteveh,

This is a delightful poem and I must admit I almost fell off my chair laughing. This is an accomplished poem for the contest and in my opinion it should win hands down. Your rhyming is excellent and carried the lines down the page with ease. Expressive word selection and them make this poem a pleasure to read. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011

Thank you. I have my fingers crossed for the contest, but I know from experience that good reviews don't necessarily mean a good contest outcome :(

Comment from Amicus

Excellent

This one was a real smile maker, kiwisteveh...well rhymed, rhythmic and rollicking, the quick pace and light bawdiness of this funny poem was most enjoyable and I am chuckling still.

Well done.

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011

Thank you - you have picked out the exact features I was trying for!

Comment from Herb

Excellent

Ouchhh! haha. Funny stuff. Thought some of your rhymes and descriptions where brill. I enjoyed this one it made me giggle, which is nice. :)

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2011

Thanks for that.