Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Mother Dust"An extended story in poem form
118 total reviews
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello Fleedleflump,
You really nailed this one. I love it. As I read each verse it seemed I'd come across T. S. Eliot's famous line: "This is the way the world ends...not with a bang, but a whimper."
Favorite of many good verses:
As lust became our currency
and testing was a virtue,
poor Mother Nature bled upon
altars of profit's nurture.
Excellent.
Ray
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
  |
Hello Fleedleflump,
You really nailed this one. I love it. As I read each verse it seemed I'd come across T. S. Eliot's famous line: "This is the way the world ends...not with a bang, but a whimper."
Favorite of many good verses:
As lust became our currency
and testing was a virtue,
poor Mother Nature bled upon
altars of profit's nurture.
Excellent.
Ray
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, Ray :-). Some have stumbled a little at my partial rhymes and inconsistent meter, but in this one I felt the structure was less important than the atmosphere, so meter became slave to expression rather than the other way around (as it should be, in my mind!).
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I was very pleased with it and have been working away on chapters two and three, so they'll be posted shortly.
Mike
Comment from Razz
Very, very dark.
Seems so without any life.
Not a very pleasant read....at all.
Imagery is very disheartening.
Seems very hopeless.
Nothing in ever that hopeless.
Razz
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
 |
Very, very dark.
Seems so without any life.
Not a very pleasant read....at all.
Imagery is very disheartening.
Seems very hopeless.
Nothing in ever that hopeless.
Razz
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, Razz. This is a very low/depressing opening, but the Wandering Man is seeking something light and freeing, and we can only hope that he will find it, and be rescued from his terribly desolate state.
Mike
Comment from wierdgrace
what a awesome well written poem, flowed smoothly, and said it all, the adventures followed in your words, thank you so much for sharing, no errors I could see, no revisions, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
what a awesome well written poem, flowed smoothly, and said it all, the adventures followed in your words, thank you so much for sharing, no errors I could see, no revisions, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, Grace. What a wonderful review :-)
Mike
Comment from christopherjl
Oh this poem is very interesting. I don't have any suggestions for it but I must say I enjoyed it and I like the three parts. Well done!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
Oh this poem is very interesting. I don't have any suggestions for it but I must say I enjoyed it and I like the three parts. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thanks for the great comments! I'll be posting part 2 very shortly.
Mike
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Well.. I enjoyed this very thought provoking, and very well written sonnets? Have read it 3 times now, and get something new each time! Great picture you chose! Thanks for sharing this. Betty
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
Well.. I enjoyed this very thought provoking, and very well written sonnets? Have read it 3 times now, and get something new each time! Great picture you chose! Thanks for sharing this. Betty
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, Betty :-). I was so happy when I found that picture; I was expecting to end up with a generic desert or something, but that one was perfect. I'm not putting the poems under any form category because my even numbered lines are of varying syllable length and some of the rhymes are partial. I wrote it this way because it felt right, but I didn't want to get in any arguments over form rules!
Thank you for a lovely review!
Mike
Comment from AmorGentil
"I only know that I must seek
a purpose where I can.
Through desolation's aftermath,
I am the Wand'ring Man."
The purpose is inside you if you care to listen,
but to do that, you have to be still and remain silent...
There's Gold at the end of the rainbow
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
"I only know that I must seek
a purpose where I can.
Through desolation's aftermath,
I am the Wand'ring Man."
The purpose is inside you if you care to listen,
but to do that, you have to be still and remain silent...
There's Gold at the end of the rainbow
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful review.
Mike
Comment from jahees
I am a fan of meter so even though I enjoyed reading this poem it was a little off-kilter for me but with the theme it seemed to work pretty well. I think this is the first work of yours that I have read and it makes one think deeply. I am encouraged to see where the wandering man's adventures go. It is a great photo that you have chosen for this work...it adds alot to your poem.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
I am a fan of meter so even though I enjoyed reading this poem it was a little off-kilter for me but with the theme it seemed to work pretty well. I think this is the first work of yours that I have read and it makes one think deeply. I am encouraged to see where the wandering man's adventures go. It is a great photo that you have chosen for this work...it adds alot to your poem.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, jahees! I've been writing a lot of strictly metered poetry recently, so with this one (although there's a general gist of iambic flow) I decided to let the content drive the structure rather than vice versa. I'm glad you enjoyed the read :-)
Mike
Comment from Zoe Yates
Well honestly your poem made me immediately go to my browser and start to look into the plans to build more nuclear power plants here in the US which I am vehemently against...it is so wrong, just the most stupid thing we could do...that's how I see if we keep being so irresponsible there will be no safe place on earth to live in years to come. It horrifies me to think of all the destruction we are causing to the planet on a daily basis..I think you've captured the spirit of that sentiment well. Good Job. Zoe Yates
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
Well honestly your poem made me immediately go to my browser and start to look into the plans to build more nuclear power plants here in the US which I am vehemently against...it is so wrong, just the most stupid thing we could do...that's how I see if we keep being so irresponsible there will be no safe place on earth to live in years to come. It horrifies me to think of all the destruction we are causing to the planet on a daily basis..I think you've captured the spirit of that sentiment well. Good Job. Zoe Yates
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, Zoe. I'm glad my poem was food for thought. As humans, we do like to play with fire. One day we'll go too far if we're not careful :-/
Mike
Comment from minopavlic
Mike what a unique idea, I see this moving in many directions with a highly favored response. Illnesses have and will continue to plaque mankind, which I think we bring on ourselves.
Looking forward to the continuation here.
no_obstacle
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
Mike what a unique idea, I see this moving in many directions with a highly favored response. Illnesses have and will continue to plaque mankind, which I think we bring on ourselves.
Looking forward to the continuation here.
no_obstacle
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, NO :-). I was torn between writing a new story in this setting and writing more poetry, so the end result was this combination of the two. So glad you enjoyed it! Part 2 very soon.
Mike
Comment from Thilophian
It is a philosophical poem. Which animal that I have become now is a fundamental question. It is a search for meaning and existence. It find a pessimistic overtone in the poem although there is a 'seeking element' in it. One who decides to look for a purpose without losing focus will definitely find it. But it seems that the poet is obcessed with the gloomy side of life.Nevertheless he is well aware of the limitaton of man in space and time.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
|
It is a philosophical poem. Which animal that I have become now is a fundamental question. It is a search for meaning and existence. It find a pessimistic overtone in the poem although there is a 'seeking element' in it. One who decides to look for a purpose without losing focus will definitely find it. But it seems that the poet is obcessed with the gloomy side of life.Nevertheless he is well aware of the limitaton of man in space and time.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
-
Thank you, Thilophian. This is indeed a very dark, pessimistic opening to the Wandering Man's tale. However, he is seeking a light, and something to believe in. That will prove his salvation ... we hope ;-)
Mike