There's A Spider in My Bathtub
When I stepped into the shower, I had a visitor45 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Ah, yes, the old itchy pants syndrome, lol!
I applaud your foray into poetry, Tom. I'm no expert on meter, but hopefully some poetic wizard will step in and help where needed.
I did enjoy your bath time dilemma, and your rhymes put a smile on my face.
In Florida our main concern is roaches - even the nicest, cleanest house has them unless there is monthly extermination.
Good luck with those guys:-)
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Ah, yes, the old itchy pants syndrome, lol!
I applaud your foray into poetry, Tom. I'm no expert on meter, but hopefully some poetic wizard will step in and help where needed.
I did enjoy your bath time dilemma, and your rhymes put a smile on my face.
In Florida our main concern is roaches - even the nicest, cleanest house has them unless there is monthly extermination.
Good luck with those guys:-)
xo
Pam
Comment Written 02-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Hi Pam,
I well remember the abundance of bugs from my time in Florida. I was visiting my folks in Sarasota once, and there was a steady stream of ants hanging out on the porch. I hate ants. I don't care how much good they do cleaning up everything. They also had fire ants, my favorite. When we lived in Key West, the Palmetto bugs would cover the ground until the porch light came on, and then they'd scatter. We had one small lizard that made it's home in our kitchen at the time, but I wish he'd been fruitful and multiplied. I would have welcomed a multitude of them in if they ate bugs by the dozens. Thanks for the delightful review gal. Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment from Begin Again
i live in the country so bugs and spiders are a part of the neighborhood, but I still don't like them to come into my house. I too would have washed him down the drain. Cute poem and I enjoyed it. Glad you are all squeaky clean now.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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i live in the country so bugs and spiders are a part of the neighborhood, but I still don't like them to come into my house. I too would have washed him down the drain. Cute poem and I enjoyed it. Glad you are all squeaky clean now.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 02-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Hi Carol,
yep, squeaky clean until next time. Fortunately the spiders we have here in South Central Alaska aren't very big. In Southeast where I used to live I think they were on steroids. People talk about them being shy, but I don't think they got the message. When I see them inside, I deal with them, and feel no regrets. Thanks for the wonderful review gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment from Nicki.B
I rally enjoyed this poem. It was very funny. I feel the same way about spiders and bugs etc. The funniest part for me was that he went to spider hell, poor little guy didn't get the chance to Potter into the gates of heaven of you've anything to do with anyway haha! Well done, very nicely put together a light and entertaining read.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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I rally enjoyed this poem. It was very funny. I feel the same way about spiders and bugs etc. The funniest part for me was that he went to spider hell, poor little guy didn't get the chance to Potter into the gates of heaven of you've anything to do with anyway haha! Well done, very nicely put together a light and entertaining read.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Hello Nicki,
thanks so much for the encouraging review gal. I absolutely hate bugs. I know we couldn't survive without them, but there is a place they belong and it isn't in my house, and especially in my tub. Nothing like being naked as a Jaybird and having to encounter a spider in your tub.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
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Hilarious Tom! You too have a good one.
Comment from lyenochka
LoL ! I enjoyed your spider poem and I have to admit that I feel the same way! I feel especially put out when they invade my private space especially in the bathroom. But I do feel guilty when I dispatch them. Well done!
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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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LoL ! I enjoyed your spider poem and I have to admit that I feel the same way! I feel especially put out when they invade my private space especially in the bathroom. But I do feel guilty when I dispatch them. Well done!
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Comment Written 02-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Hello Helen,
Several of the folks have spoken in defense of the spiders, but the majority seem to feel like we do. Unlike you though, I feel no sense of guilt or shame when I dispatch one. I mean I don't do a dance or anything, but I do feel a sense of relief, like I've eliminated a possible threat before it could do bodily harm to me. Plus they just look creepy. Thanks so much for the delightful review gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
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Of course - no dancing in the shower! That could be more dangerous than spiders. 😂
Comment from Michele Harber
Your poem is adorable and, of course, very relatable. Who hasn't been frightened by an insect in the shower? I like your sense of humor ("but when I stepped into the tub, I felt the need to pray"), and your rhymes are very well chosen.
The one thing I did have a bit of a problem with, though, was the meter. The lines didn't always have the same beats, i.e., stressing the same syllables. For instance, the beats in your fourth verse look like this:
I DON'T like SPIders or BEEtle BUGS
Or FLIES or GNATS or ANTS,
WHEN I SEE them IN my HOUSE
They GIVE me ITCHy PANTS
With a few minor edits, you could give it a consistent de DUM de DUM de DUM de DUM beat.
For instance, it could read:
I DON'T like SPIders, BEES or BUGS
Or FLIES or GNATS or ANTS,
and WHEN I SEE them IN my HOUSE
They GIVE me ITCHy PANTS.
I hope this is helpful.
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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Your poem is adorable and, of course, very relatable. Who hasn't been frightened by an insect in the shower? I like your sense of humor ("but when I stepped into the tub, I felt the need to pray"), and your rhymes are very well chosen.
The one thing I did have a bit of a problem with, though, was the meter. The lines didn't always have the same beats, i.e., stressing the same syllables. For instance, the beats in your fourth verse look like this:
I DON'T like SPIders or BEEtle BUGS
Or FLIES or GNATS or ANTS,
WHEN I SEE them IN my HOUSE
They GIVE me ITCHy PANTS
With a few minor edits, you could give it a consistent de DUM de DUM de DUM de DUM beat.
For instance, it could read:
I DON'T like SPIders, BEES or BUGS
Or FLIES or GNATS or ANTS,
and WHEN I SEE them IN my HOUSE
They GIVE me ITCHy PANTS.
I hope this is helpful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Hello Michele,
that does read better, thank you. I don't do poetry very often, because I don't understand all the ins and outs of it. This particular story though I felt was best told in a poem. Thanks for the suggestion gal. Have a blessed evening.
Tom
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I'm so glad my suggestion was helpful. I find rhythm one of the most important parts of poetry--and one of the hardest to achieve. A couple of very kind FanStorians have helped me improve the rhythm in my poetry so, if I can do that for others, I'm very happy to.
I think you're right, by the way, that your subject matter was better suited to poetry and, for the most part, you did handle it well.