Chip's Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Timeless"FanStory Collection
66 total reviews
Comment from Heather Knight
Very beautiful... but I'm afraid time stops for no man. The older we get, the faster it goes by.
Thanks so much for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Very beautiful... but I'm afraid time stops for no man. The older we get, the faster it goes by.
Thanks so much for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Maria.
Comment from estory
I liked it. it had that perfect balance of haiku, and yet it was a very contemporary, actually man made image at the heart of it, this sand castle. Yet the sand in the castle is natural, so it has that connection to traditional Japanese poetry. And the element of time, slowing down, we see in the grains of sand, like sand running through an hour glass. So it is a complicated, deep image you have there. Very conversational language makes it very approachable. A very familiar image too works for that as well. estory
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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I liked it. it had that perfect balance of haiku, and yet it was a very contemporary, actually man made image at the heart of it, this sand castle. Yet the sand in the castle is natural, so it has that connection to traditional Japanese poetry. And the element of time, slowing down, we see in the grains of sand, like sand running through an hour glass. So it is a complicated, deep image you have there. Very conversational language makes it very approachable. A very familiar image too works for that as well. estory
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to read and consider this, estory!
Comment from DeborahWrite
Dear Author,
This is an excellent 5-7-5 Haiku poem! I, too, wish to capture time, even for a moment; however, it is difficult! Although, you did capture time--until the tide.... I wish you my best in winning the contest! Deborah
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Dear Author,
This is an excellent 5-7-5 Haiku poem! I, too, wish to capture time, even for a moment; however, it is difficult! Although, you did capture time--until the tide.... I wish you my best in winning the contest! Deborah
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Many thanks, Deborah!
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My pleasure!
Comment from phil nelson
I have no idea what you did in the corporate world but your sabbatical definitely shows the artistic world your talent. This poem is so seemingly simple yet so evocative--beautiful message and certainly nothing to be critical of.
Good Luck and All the Best!
Phil
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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I have no idea what you did in the corporate world but your sabbatical definitely shows the artistic world your talent. This poem is so seemingly simple yet so evocative--beautiful message and certainly nothing to be critical of.
Good Luck and All the Best!
Phil
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Phil, that's one the most emboldening, motivating things I've heard recently in my writing orbit- and people have been very kind and generous here. I'm still not sure where writing fits into my life at this point, though it's what I truly enjoy and when I feel most authentic (selling software feels fraudulent but it pays...in empirical ways, anyway). Thank you...
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Phil, that's one the most emboldening, motivating things I've heard recently in my writing orbit- and people have been very kind and generous here. I'm still not sure where writing fits into my life at this point, though it's what I truly enjoy and when I feel most authentic (selling software feels fraudulent but it pays...in empirical ways, anyway). Thank you...
Comment from Hitcher
If only, alas they slow for no one and those castles often turn to dust and get washed away before many have had the pleasure of finishing them. A creative little 5-7-5 poem Chip, good luck!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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If only, alas they slow for no one and those castles often turn to dust and get washed away before many have had the pleasure of finishing them. A creative little 5-7-5 poem Chip, good luck!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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As always, thanks, Hitcher!
Comment from misscookie
I love the photo you choose to go-with your poem
You captured my attention from the start I love to see the sand art that man has created then the wind slowly increase or the sand goes back to its deep cool place there is a reason and time for everything in life
thanks you for sharing
cookie
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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I love the photo you choose to go-with your poem
You captured my attention from the start I love to see the sand art that man has created then the wind slowly increase or the sand goes back to its deep cool place there is a reason and time for everything in life
thanks you for sharing
cookie
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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And thanks for reading/reviewing. Cookie!
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my pleasure
cookie
Comment from rjuselius
this is a lovely piece of poetry dear chip! I do undersrand the ocean's tides washing a way the brief moment of love. I don't quite understand the meaning of building sandcastles but I guess it's reaching for something unattainable.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings and a super squeeze!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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this is a lovely piece of poetry dear chip! I do undersrand the ocean's tides washing a way the brief moment of love. I don't quite understand the meaning of building sandcastles but I guess it's reaching for something unattainable.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings and a super squeeze!
rebekka x
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Rebekka! Just a symbolic way of holding time in your hands, building something fantastical yet short-lived with it, and making it stand still for a brief yet exhilarating few moments.
Comment from Six-Star Writer
Yeah, you could be a sandcastle realtor. Maybe sell turret timeshares to crustaceans. Or they could be crab orphanages. I wouldn't want a sandcastle. I'd end up getting sand on my nutsack . . . or in my hair. I'd hate sandcastles in my hair.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Yeah, you could be a sandcastle realtor. Maybe sell turret timeshares to crustaceans. Or they could be crab orphanages. I wouldn't want a sandcastle. I'd end up getting sand on my nutsack . . . or in my hair. I'd hate sandcastles in my hair.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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It's said that you shouldn't drink beer on a nude beach, since you might get sand in your Schlitz;^)
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Then I guess a woman would get sand in her Bud.
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Or Heiny.
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If she's really thin, it could be a Bud Light.
Comment from Ava Wilson
Such a great poem to be so few words. I, too, wish that time would slow down enough for me to enjoy the small pleasures in life. I really enjoying reading this and love the artwork you chose to pair it with.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Such a great poem to be so few words. I, too, wish that time would slow down enough for me to enjoy the small pleasures in life. I really enjoying reading this and love the artwork you chose to pair it with.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thanks so much, Ava!
Comment from Brenda Henderson
I love this! How many times do we all wish time would be more accommodating than it appears. I also found the artwork here the perfect complement for this offering. Good job!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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I love this! How many times do we all wish time would be more accommodating than it appears. I also found the artwork here the perfect complement for this offering. Good job!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Brenda!
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You're Welcome!