2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "jisei haiku (chilled to the bone)"A collection of Japanese poetry
45 total reviews
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi friend, if one reads this write literally the chance is that one wont get anything from it, but deeper there is more,specially when one think of someone lying child on the bed and the hears the laughter of children, ...impossible is not it. I take as a reader that the children are the thoughts left behind and which come back before a certain event. Sorry if I am not right.
Danny Jock
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Hi friend, if one reads this write literally the chance is that one wont get anything from it, but deeper there is more,specially when one think of someone lying child on the bed and the hears the laughter of children, ...impossible is not it. I take as a reader that the children are the thoughts left behind and which come back before a certain event. Sorry if I am not right.
Danny Jock
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you, my friend. I was thinking ... the last minutes of my life just before I die, I would think of my children. They are the most important thing in my life.
Gypsy
Comment from Bill Schott
This jisei haiku, Chilled to the Bone, lays out the seventeen syllables to create this last impression of the life as one joins the world of spirits. Nice.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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This jisei haiku, Chilled to the Bone, lays out the seventeen syllables to create this last impression of the life as one joins the world of spirits. Nice.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Bill, you are very kind.
Gypsy
Comment from dragonpoet
I give you the pessimistic and optomistic views of this poem.
This must have been a bad mother if her children are laughing at her death. Or the greatest mother for her children are celebrating her life.
Good luck in thee contest
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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I give you the pessimistic and optomistic views of this poem.
This must have been a bad mother if her children are laughing at her death. Or the greatest mother for her children are celebrating her life.
Good luck in thee contest
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you, my friend, you are very kind.
Gypsy
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No problem, Gypsy.
dragon
Comment from Mustang Patty
Thank you for sharing your poem and artwork. The music went well with the piece. It was inspired to think of your dying breath and write a poem about drifting away.
~patty~
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you for sharing your poem and artwork. The music went well with the piece. It was inspired to think of your dying breath and write a poem about drifting away.
~patty~
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you, my friend, you are very kind.
Gypsy
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello GBR - well written Jisei, farewell to life. A happy one. To think of your children's laughter is surely a good way to leave them. I like that idea. I've not read many of this form of poetry. Well done - warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Hello GBR - well written Jisei, farewell to life. A happy one. To think of your children's laughter is surely a good way to leave them. I like that idea. I've not read many of this form of poetry. Well done - warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you, my friend, you are very kind.
Gypsy
Comment from RGstar
Good to hear where the children's laughter is prominent.
A good strong write for so few words. Death the partner but contrast with the laughter of the child, which makes it bitter sweet.
Nice write.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Good to hear where the children's laughter is prominent.
A good strong write for so few words. Death the partner but contrast with the laughter of the child, which makes it bitter sweet.
Nice write.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Thank you, my friend, you are very kind.
Gypsy
Comment from Dean Kuch
Wow.
I suppose I should simply withdraw my entry before this show even gets started, Gypsy Sensei.
This is gonna be nearly impossible to top!
It's true, I believe, that it will be the "little, simple things" we'll remember when the time comes to take our final breath.
Our newborn baby's first laugh, first steps, the first words they uttered.
It will be memories of our first kiss, our first love, our family and friends, if we're fortunate enough to have them.
Not the beach house in Malibu, or that new Corvette Z06 sports car we bought in 2010. Those things won't matter anymore.
Your 4/7/5 syllable count is well within the limits of seventeen syllables, OR LESS, as required by haiku poetry.
Your haiku is written in present tense--an observance of a moment in nature, captured in time.
Death--the winter or our mortality--is the kigo, although kigo is not required in jisei poetry.
Your kigo really brings the death factor to bear as it relates to our children and how much we'll miss them. And hopefully, how much they'll miss us after we;re gone.
This is simply outstanding. I would wish you luck, but I don't think you'll need it.
Way to go, darlin'!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Wow.
I suppose I should simply withdraw my entry before this show even gets started, Gypsy Sensei.
This is gonna be nearly impossible to top!
It's true, I believe, that it will be the "little, simple things" we'll remember when the time comes to take our final breath.
Our newborn baby's first laugh, first steps, the first words they uttered.
It will be memories of our first kiss, our first love, our family and friends, if we're fortunate enough to have them.
Not the beach house in Malibu, or that new Corvette Z06 sports car we bought in 2010. Those things won't matter anymore.
Your 4/7/5 syllable count is well within the limits of seventeen syllables, OR LESS, as required by haiku poetry.
Your haiku is written in present tense--an observance of a moment in nature, captured in time.
Death--the winter or our mortality--is the kigo, although kigo is not required in jisei poetry.
Your kigo really brings the death factor to bear as it relates to our children and how much we'll miss them. And hopefully, how much they'll miss us after we;re gone.
This is simply outstanding. I would wish you luck, but I don't think you'll need it.
Way to go, darlin'!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Hello, Dean, I adore your stellar review. It's heartfelt and extremely generous. A million thanks from the bottom of my heart. Thank you very much for the six stars :)
Gypsy
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You are more than welcome, the pleasure was entirely mine as usual.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Hi Gypsy, Thanks for your message but it was blank and there was no link. I did however get my haiku posted, and I've worked out how it should be done. I already knew because Doug had told me, just forgot, silly me. Nevertheless I've had terrible trouble today, and though I have posted, it refused to put the number 12, insisting on numbering it prologue. I enjoyed learning about this kind of haiku that you have written here. The music sure puts the reader in the mood. Giddy
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Hi Gypsy, Thanks for your message but it was blank and there was no link. I did however get my haiku posted, and I've worked out how it should be done. I already knew because Doug had told me, just forgot, silly me. Nevertheless I've had terrible trouble today, and though I have posted, it refused to put the number 12, insisting on numbering it prologue. I enjoyed learning about this kind of haiku that you have written here. The music sure puts the reader in the mood. Giddy
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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Hello, Giddy, I read your haiku suite and it's numbered right number 12. Tonight I posted Summer if you would like to write one you may. Thank you for reading me.
Gypsy
Comment from winnona
A very well-written poem. The poem conveys the thought of death well. The words flowed together easily and formed the feeling and essence of death. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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A very well-written poem. The poem conveys the thought of death well. The words flowed together easily and formed the feeling and essence of death. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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I am thankful for your heartfelt review. A million thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Gypsy
Comment from Sis Cat
yes, I am really getting into reading these Jisei poems. I enjoyed your because of the story you told. I imagine a woman has just died and hears her children laughing at her. This would be bone-chilling. It speaks of the sadness and loneliness of death even when you have your children around.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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yes, I am really getting into reading these Jisei poems. I enjoyed your because of the story you told. I imagine a woman has just died and hears her children laughing at her. This would be bone-chilling. It speaks of the sadness and loneliness of death even when you have your children around.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
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oh no... that is not what I meant. I think you read this poem before I added my author notes. I can see where you would come up to this conclusion. My kids would never laugh at me on my dying bed. Or at least I hope they would not... hehehe
I was thinking of what it would be like if I was on my deathbed. My children's laughter would be on my mind because it is the sound I loved the most and because they are the most important thing in my life. I am sorry I confused you.
I always adore your reviews. They are heartfelt and extremely generous. A million thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Gypsy
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Oh, Gypsy, I did not realize I misread your poem. Sorry. Your haunting pictures lend themselves to an interpretation of children laughing over their dead mother. Thanks for the clarification.