Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "haiku suite (gills-gasping fish)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
53 total reviews
Comment from Hitcher
I love your choice of artwork, it is perfect for your powerful double haiku poem, now that is a sight that would cause any who saw it to stop dead in their tracks and watch on in awe. Nice!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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I love your choice of artwork, it is perfect for your powerful double haiku poem, now that is a sight that would cause any who saw it to stop dead in their tracks and watch on in awe. Nice!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Yes, Hitcher, I was grilling on my back porch when I saw an eagle fly over with a fish in its talons. I stopped dead in my tracks and watched with awe. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I love birds and anything to do with water and the ocean so you are onto a winner here with me! This is tremendous Haiku, written superbly and boy would I have loved to see that moment you witnessed. The magic of nature resonates here Sis Cat. Very well done, kindest regards Meia :)
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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I love birds and anything to do with water and the ocean so you are onto a winner here with me! This is tremendous Haiku, written superbly and boy would I have loved to see that moment you witnessed. The magic of nature resonates here Sis Cat. Very well done, kindest regards Meia :)
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for your review. I am glad "the magic of nature resonates here."
Comment from mermaids
I love the line "seafood flown daily". It is a true line, Mama is the flying restaurant and provides for her eaglets. Your haiku creates a clear picture of nature that makes the reader feel good.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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I love the line "seafood flown daily". It is a true line, Mama is the flying restaurant and provides for her eaglets. Your haiku creates a clear picture of nature that makes the reader feel good.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Mermaids, for your review. I am glad my haiku provided you with a clear picture.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoyed reading both these related Haiku poems. You say so much in such a few words/syllables. I appreciate you sharing them with us.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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I really enjoyed reading both these related Haiku poems. You say so much in such a few words/syllables. I appreciate you sharing them with us.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Barbara, for your review. I try to say so much in such few words/syllables.
Comment from Douglas Paul
I like both of these,my friend. Can't really say which one I like the best. Great picture and presentation. I would love to see an eagle in flight with a fish in it's talons like you did - quite a sight and worthy of these haiku
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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I like both of these,my friend. Can't really say which one I like the best. Great picture and presentation. I would love to see an eagle in flight with a fish in it's talons like you did - quite a sight and worthy of these haiku
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Yes, Doug, people who live in Alaska see eagles fky with fish all of the time.Thank you for your review.
Comment from Mitchell Brontë
Never seen a bald eagle fly with fish, it must be a wonderful sight, but your words here certainly paints a picture of wonder.
You have captured this image beautifully.
Have a great evening
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Never seen a bald eagle fly with fish, it must be a wonderful sight, but your words here certainly paints a picture of wonder.
You have captured this image beautifully.
Have a great evening
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Yes, YNWA, seeing an eagle fly with fish is a wonderful sight. I am glad I captured this image beautifully. Thank you for your review.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
Indeed you have written two excellent haiku. The lines are very clever. I love the imagery your poem displays. And, how lucky to have found that perfect illustration. And, to have had the actual experience of watching an eagle with a fish flying over your house.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Indeed you have written two excellent haiku. The lines are very clever. I love the imagery your poem displays. And, how lucky to have found that perfect illustration. And, to have had the actual experience of watching an eagle with a fish flying over your house.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Yes, Nancy, I saw this in California, but people who live in Alaska see this all of the time. Thank you for your review of my two excellent haiku.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I love the perfectly done double haiku.
Especially the second part.
eagle flies fish
toward eaglet's gaping beak
great imagery as I have seen this before and it is perfect.
seafood flown daily
Perfect aaaahhhh line
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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I love the perfectly done double haiku.
Especially the second part.
eagle flies fish
toward eaglet's gaping beak
great imagery as I have seen this before and it is perfect.
seafood flown daily
Perfect aaaahhhh line
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Barb, for giving my haiku its second review. I appreciate it.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Andre. and well you should be proud of this haiku. I sincerely hope you do get entered in the book they are putting together. The haiku definitely arrants it. good luck to you in any event. I am surprised they let you post this ma second time without calling it a revived post? Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Hi, Andre. and well you should be proud of this haiku. I sincerely hope you do get entered in the book they are putting together. The haiku definitely arrants it. good luck to you in any event. I am surprised they let you post this ma second time without calling it a revived post? Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Bob, for your second review again. I just learned from the Haiku Club Challenge coordinator, Gypsy, that writers are given only two weeks to post to each challenge. As a result, this haiku may not make the book due to poor, ad hoc information given at the time the haiku challenges were started in which the submission rules changed twice.
Nevertheless, this repost is not at a total loss. I followed your advice and posted with a dollar payoff. It will sustain my poet ranking and buy me time to write reviews to post new work.
Thank you again for your review and support, my friend.
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Revived posts count for zip...nothing...not in rankings or anything else award wise. And if anyone has already reviewed it they cannot review it again. My entire book has not given me any credit in the rankings, but guess what....I really and truly don't care. that's not why I am aboard Fanstory. blessings. Bob
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I hear you, Bob, the reviews and encouragement you are receiving now is more valuable than any credit in the rankings. Soldier on.
Comment from Jay Squires
My dear friend, has there ever been a mind so so brimmed with a harvest of haiku here at FanStory? I'm far from an expert on the form, and were I not drawn in by seeing your name in my queue, I wouldn't have approached this, and I would have lost out on your rare energy exploding into the final panache and wit sparkling in the third line of each haiku (take breath here, LOL). Great fun to read these.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2017
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My dear friend, has there ever been a mind so so brimmed with a harvest of haiku here at FanStory? I'm far from an expert on the form, and were I not drawn in by seeing your name in my queue, I wouldn't have approached this, and I would have lost out on your rare energy exploding into the final panache and wit sparkling in the third line of each haiku (take breath here, LOL). Great fun to read these.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2017
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Oh, thank you, Jay, for your generous, six star review. I am having a lot of fun writing these. My mind brims with ideas because I observe the world around me. All I have to do is harvest them. Thanks again for your support.
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Happy harvest, friend. BTW, I've been meaning to ask if you still have that website for the playwrighting submission in San Francisco? I had saved it, but may have lost it when my computer crashed a couple of weeks ago. Much appreciated.
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Jay, here it is. http://www.playwrightsfoundation.org/index.php?p=101
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Ahhhhh, thank you Andre. Still not entirely happy with the emotionality of Act II, but I'm afraid it will go stale with any more revising. Wish me luck ... and thanks again, for all your support on this.
Jay
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Don't submit yet. I still must get additional comments to you.
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You got it, Andre. Couldn't if I wanted to. The site is closed for submissions until July 1st. I feel guilty having you spend any more of your productive time on my play--though your comments are sterling and always treasured!
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Jay, you have said that you are worried about the emotionality of Act II. Based upon recent plays I have seen like "Hand to God," the most produced play in America right now with thirteen productions, and Tom Stoppard's "The Real Thing," you may want to increase emotions in this act instead of decrease. It all comes down to the tone and temperature you want for your play. Sometimes we do not know what our works are capable of. While I am not a Vulcan like Spock, sometimes I fear expressing emotions in my writing, but my stories and poems which resonate with people the most are those in which I am honest and raw with a whole range of emotions. People want to see verbal fireworks on stage, if you decrease the emotions, it gives the audience less to grasp and hold onto. As the playwright Robert Askins said, "The well-ordered stories of the past are insufficient to explain the now!"
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Oh! Really? I must say, I wasn't expecting that, LOL. Yet I have so much respect for your dramatic acumen that I'll put it through yet more scrutiny. There is a density of NEW information given in Act II, to the end that I fear the reader (audience) will be left scratching their collective heads. The emotionality I referred to seems to skitter along the surface of the act, seeming whiny and intrusive, not inducing a deep level of empathy from the reader.
I have some rethinking to do. Your words will be at my elbow, though, as I rework the scene. As always, THANK YOU, ANDRE!
