As Petals Fall
A Sonnet45 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a really fine sonnet in the best romantic tradition of the Bard himself. The couplet is one of the finest I have seen. It sums up the entire poem so effectively.
I does look as though at line nine we have a volta. There is the "but" that normally heralds its advent, but in fact we have already seen both sides of this coin. The first quatrain hints at hard times to come, the second reminisces on the good times past, then the third returns us to the times foretold in the first stanza.
The real "turn" is the realization, of what the treachery means which doesn't happen until line 12. There is no hard and fast rule as to where the volta should appear and Shakespeare often left his to the couplet so you should not be penalized in any way for leaving yours to line 12. I have no hesitation in awarding this my last six of the week.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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This is a really fine sonnet in the best romantic tradition of the Bard himself. The couplet is one of the finest I have seen. It sums up the entire poem so effectively.
I does look as though at line nine we have a volta. There is the "but" that normally heralds its advent, but in fact we have already seen both sides of this coin. The first quatrain hints at hard times to come, the second reminisces on the good times past, then the third returns us to the times foretold in the first stanza.
The real "turn" is the realization, of what the treachery means which doesn't happen until line 12. There is no hard and fast rule as to where the volta should appear and Shakespeare often left his to the couplet so you should not be penalized in any way for leaving yours to line 12. I have no hesitation in awarding this my last six of the week.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for this fantastic review and for the 6 rating. I appreciate your taking the time to review it thoroughly.
It was most helpful. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again, Nancy
Comment from djsaxon
Gorgeous. The look of it, the sound of it , the way it reads. Ticks all my boxes. Faultless iamb, rich in metaphor, terrific volta and a beautiful couplet. Happy to burn a six pack. cheers - DJ
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Gorgeous. The look of it, the sound of it , the way it reads. Ticks all my boxes. Faultless iamb, rich in metaphor, terrific volta and a beautiful couplet. Happy to burn a six pack. cheers - DJ
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for the 6 and for you wonderful comments.
Glad you enjoyed it. Nancy
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Sonnet. A love relationship can go wrong any time in many ways.
Sometimes we cannot figure out what went wrong, but everything just is not the same.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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A very well-written Sonnet. A love relationship can go wrong any time in many ways.
Sometimes we cannot figure out what went wrong, but everything just is not the same.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thanks for reading Sandra and for your nice review. Glad you liked it. Nancy
Comment from TAB_that's me
I don't know much about sonnets but your rhyme is good and so is your meter. It is very lovely and I wish you well in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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I don't know much about sonnets but your rhyme is good and so is your meter. It is very lovely and I wish you well in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thanks so much for your positive review. Glad you enjoyed it. Nancy
Comment from Margaret Ford
Lovely, nancyjam, just lovely.
And thanks for the pretty picture, too.
Most of all -- and this important to me --
good on you for keeping your meter straight.
There is nothing more important than strict meter --
except unforced, perfect rhyme, and you have that, too.
A beautiful sonnet for a beautiful summer's day.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Lovely, nancyjam, just lovely.
And thanks for the pretty picture, too.
Most of all -- and this important to me --
good on you for keeping your meter straight.
There is nothing more important than strict meter --
except unforced, perfect rhyme, and you have that, too.
A beautiful sonnet for a beautiful summer's day.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thank you Margaret for this lovely review. I'm so pleased yu enjoyed it. Nancy
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Excellent sonnet Nancy. I love sonnets that tell of a summer love that faded in the fall, for that was what happened with my first love. Totally broke my heart. My mom didn't think O would make it. I don't see a thing wrong with it, Love the picture. xxx Nancy
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Excellent sonnet Nancy. I love sonnets that tell of a summer love that faded in the fall, for that was what happened with my first love. Totally broke my heart. My mom didn't think O would make it. I don't see a thing wrong with it, Love the picture. xxx Nancy
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thanks so much Nancy for the 6 rating and your wonderful review. Glad you could relate. Nancy
Comment from write hand blue
Well presented, this poem is displayed with a timeless quality.
Rose petals that fade and fall are compared to the disappointment of a failed love affair.
Beautifully written, a joy to read...
~Mel~
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Well presented, this poem is displayed with a timeless quality.
Rose petals that fade and fall are compared to the disappointment of a failed love affair.
Beautifully written, a joy to read...
~Mel~
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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So glad you liked it. Thanks for your great review. Nancy
Comment from rama devi
Poignant and eloquent. Love promises love but can be fickle. This well penned sonnet captures that message with finesse. Flawless meter, smooth flow, fine phonetics, fine rhymes and strong composition style with effective volta and a most effective closing couplet.
I like the paradox and personification of the opening two lines:
The dying petals fall without a sound,
and yet they speak to me of seasons past.
Fine phonetics in phrasing here, especially the S, F and B sounds:
The tender buds of roses, as they grew -
so like our love that blossomed fair and sweet -
by summer, burst full-bloom and kissed with dew,
were flourishing despite the summer heat.
Great volta stanza...I enjoyed the rhyme pair of oled and fooled. Fine alliteration of F , B and P as well:
But when the autumn winds began to blow,
the roses faded while your passion cooled.
The love I thought we had, would never grow.
You promised me forever. I was fooled.
Love the meaning and delivery of your closing couplet. The consonance plus alliteration of B between robust and betrayed and becomes is superb.
Just one optional suggestion (how I hear it):
but(,) when betrayed, becomes a fragile thing!
Clever irony in the closing too.
Bravo
Superb presentation with apt artwork.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Poignant and eloquent. Love promises love but can be fickle. This well penned sonnet captures that message with finesse. Flawless meter, smooth flow, fine phonetics, fine rhymes and strong composition style with effective volta and a most effective closing couplet.
I like the paradox and personification of the opening two lines:
The dying petals fall without a sound,
and yet they speak to me of seasons past.
Fine phonetics in phrasing here, especially the S, F and B sounds:
The tender buds of roses, as they grew -
so like our love that blossomed fair and sweet -
by summer, burst full-bloom and kissed with dew,
were flourishing despite the summer heat.
Great volta stanza...I enjoyed the rhyme pair of oled and fooled. Fine alliteration of F , B and P as well:
But when the autumn winds began to blow,
the roses faded while your passion cooled.
The love I thought we had, would never grow.
You promised me forever. I was fooled.
Love the meaning and delivery of your closing couplet. The consonance plus alliteration of B between robust and betrayed and becomes is superb.
Just one optional suggestion (how I hear it):
but(,) when betrayed, becomes a fragile thing!
Clever irony in the closing too.
Bravo
Superb presentation with apt artwork.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review, rd. Thanks for letting me know what you enjoyed. As always, I appreciate
your input. :) Nancy
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:-))))
Comment from Marykelly
Love lost is the theme of this poem and the rose with its falling petals becomes a metaphor for love falling away. The sonnet is the form for this poem and the quatrains and couplet present the theme and sum up the message of betrayal.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Love lost is the theme of this poem and the rose with its falling petals becomes a metaphor for love falling away. The sonnet is the form for this poem and the quatrains and couplet present the theme and sum up the message of betrayal.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thanks for this great review. I'm glad you liked i. Nancy
Comment from angelface2
This is so very nice, Nancyjam. I love it. The meter is excellent. The poem is very refreshing, even though it is sad. I love the picture, it is so beautiful. Perfect for your nice poem. Hugs. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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This is so very nice, Nancyjam. I love it. The meter is excellent. The poem is very refreshing, even though it is sad. I love the picture, it is so beautiful. Perfect for your nice poem. Hugs. Miss Sally
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, Miss Sally for this lovely review. Nancy
