Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Again a different triolet with the different line and yet the same but a different meaning. Very well done, And makes perfect sense as it does but at the same time adds more to the piece with the different line

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Thanks, Barb.

I am quite pleased with myself for remembering the trick with these things!

Steve

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Yes, Steve, you have most certainly achieved what you set out to do here. This is an excellent entry for the Triolet contest. Fave part: "he crafts a cloth" ... love that!

Well done ... best wishes for the contest, Steve!

Connie

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Thanks, Connie.

Another reviewer has pointed out the appropriateness of the comparison as the weaver transforms thread into cloth, manufacturing something much greater than the original, just as a poet does with words.

Steve

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This is one of the best entries to the contest because of how you accomplished, deftly, the technique described in your author notes. Bravo! I think this should win. Great theme. Great shifting of context for the repeating line and SUPERB flow and smooth enjambment. Additionally, I love the alliteration of W in the weaving line, the alliteration of L in the life-love-laughter line and furled and world are a great rhyme pair. Those phonetics plus the flow make it Delicious to read aloud. But even more impressive is the alliteration and consonance of C plus the internal proximal rhyme (cloth and unlock) assonance in these lines:


he crafts a cloth, where all can see

he can unlock the mystery


Kudos and good luck.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Thanks, Rama. I always appreciate your reviews and the detail of aural devices which sometimes go unnoticed.

Steve

reply by rama devi on 14-May-2016

Thanks, Steve. Poetry is the music of words... "-)))

Comment from Lisa Deverick

Excellent

Bravo! Very clever indeed. You are teaching me by way of your Triolet poem. I am studying some of you seasoned writers to learn how to write some of these new -to-me poems. Well done.

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Seasoned, huh. There's certainly more than a little salt and pepper in the hair these days.

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

reply by Lisa Deverick on 14-May-2016

haha me too- only I cover it up!

Comment from Serendipity!

Excellent

I love it, and I enjoyed it. Does that mean the same thing? I agree you certainly do get more value out of repeating lines by altering their meaning.

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from tony bronk

Excellent

As long as anyone is reading the poems? Poetry is not the most popular sport in the world, except for here on FS. A good poem though. Tony Bronk wisconsin

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Thank you.

Yes, once a piece disappears from the listings, it is seldom seen again, unless we do something to bring it before more readers.

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

Weaving words is an ideal topic for your toilet. Weaving involves a repetitive
pattern, and so does the triolet--and many other form-conscious poems.
That you've woven in subtle changes only enhances the similarity of the two
crafts.

I'm often disappointed when poets proudly proclaim 'no punctuation' in their notes. As you state, punctuation is a valuable poetic tool, and when used cleverly, just as important as words.

Best of luck, Steve.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Now is that an intentional typo in your first sentence?!

A couple of reviewers have commented on the aptness of the weaving metaphor - perhaps more so than I thought myself!

Thanks for the sixer.

Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 14-May-2016

Yipes! I need to pay more attention to my proofreader!

reply by Anonymous Member on 16-May-2016

Yipes! I need to pay more attention to my proofreader!

Comment from Mark Valentine

Excellent

It's always exciting to see a "New Writing Online" message with your name next to it. This one flows so smoothly, it took me a while to recognize that it was a triolet. The sentence breaks are brilliant. "Weaving words" is a great phrase, not only for its alliteration, but as a creative metaphor for what writers (particularly poets) do.

A six for sure, if I had one.

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Mark, thank you for the very kind words. BTW congratulations on your Recognised Writer Award

I am glad you enjoyed this.

Steve

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Hi Steve,

Your triolet is in fine form, fully complaint with the contest rules and poetic form. I particularly liked the changed nuances of line 1's repetition in line 8. This keeps the poem from sounding and feeling so repeated. The end rhymes are strong and I liked the approximate rhyme of world / furled.

I do have one thought to share with you. It seems to me that "in life, and love, ...." would read better "of life, and love....." Just an idea for you to consider.

Good luck to you in the contest.

Ray

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Thanks, Ray. I appreciate you casting your knowledgeable eye over this, and the suggestion of a subtle change.

Steve

Comment from Chrissy710

Excellent

Yes Steve, This is very good and I read it several times first time just through and then paused at the punctuation and it changed to whole concept and I thought yes I can see why it is so important to have the punctuation in the right places and then your cascading lines all made sense. a great entry for the contest good luck Cheers Christine

 Comment Written 12-May-2016

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reply by the author on 14-May-2016

Thanks, Chrissy.

I do see that techniques as being the key to a successful triolet. It will be interesting to see if the judging recognises that.

Steve