Comment from Tessa Kay

Excellent

Well, mobile phones can be a pain, but they do have their uses. How good that they found the documents. That'll tell that lawyer!

-I told her as quick as I could - quickly

-I apologised and explained it all in not so many words. - sounds a bit wordy. How about just 'in a few words'?

-I would like to try to get hold of her before - cut 'to try'

-"We didn't know that your mother had died. - just 'died' not 'had died'

-At the other end, Otto was laughing. - laughed

-and I go find the number for you." - and I'll go...

-I thanked him,( no comma) and promised that I would,

-I quickly hung up, (no comma) and turned toward her

- I gathered your next port of call will be a lawyer. - I gather

-The time told me that I still had two and half hour. - hours

-I grinned,(no comma. The sentences that follows is not a stand-alone sentence. If you say 'and I asked', then you put a comma because the sentence can stand on its own) and asked whether I could

-The time told me that I still had two and half hour - cut 'The time told me'.

- I grinned, and asked whether I could make the second call I still hadn't managed to make, - cut 'I still hadn't managed to make'. You are very detailed in your writing, but too much can drag the reading down. Cut anything non-essential for tighter writing

:)

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016

Hi Tessa, Thank you very much. Only got back to you now but made the corrections the minute I saw this. The commas are my downfall. I am reading on websites now trying to learn. At times it's so logic when a comma is needed, but at other times it's just down right baffling. I'm battling on though. All the best. Ulla

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

I cried as it brought back memories that jerk at my heart strings. Another fine job you have done here again. You are so very good my dear, really.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016

Thanks a lot Angie. Didn't mean to hurt you with this story. All the best. Ulla

reply by foxangie123 on 15-Mar-2016

That is okay. You provoked emotion and that is wha each poem or story is to do. You rock dear.

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Was she there? Things are surely going well for you and I expect old Murphy will put a stop to it anytime now. (You do know about Murphy's Law, don't you?) So who ever that man at the funeral was , he is in for a big surprise. Good job Ulla. Nancy

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016

Hi Nancy, thank you so much for this great review. Oh, yes I do know about Murphy's Law. More to follow soon. All the best. Ulla

Comment from Helen Bach

Exceptional

I am hooked and gripped by your unfolding story Ulla. You have a knack of ending it just at 'that' moment. It makes me want to look out for your next instalment. There isn't any other writing on here I look forward to so you must be given those extra stars. Helen x

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016

Oh, Helen, Thank you so much. You can't imagine how pleased I am. You made my day. I will fan you as I really do want to follow your writing. All the best. Ullaxx

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

I continue to enjoyed your story, and I am curious as to how everything will work out. I found one minor thing for you.

"That is so kind of you." I said and meant it.' Speech tag, use comma instead of period after you.

Take care,
Russell

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016

Hi Russel, thank you so much. Made the correction. So glad that you liked it. All best. Ulla.