Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "To Cherish Thorns"selections for seal submission
58 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Lovely mesmerising kind of a write, mate. Wish you well. No spags shock horror, definitely not your style, hehe. Lay out is well done as well. Getting a bit ticked off with this place.
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Lovely mesmerising kind of a write, mate. Wish you well. No spags shock horror, definitely not your style, hehe. Lay out is well done as well. Getting a bit ticked off with this place.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from ByeByeBirdie
"yes, the moon shimmers
and the glimmer is indeed
a dance reminding that chance
kicked a stone rippling
a perfect pattern of circles
carrying dreams to smiling shores"
I love this stanza. It is so powerful and deep. Thank for sharing
Be blessed -ERC
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"yes, the moon shimmers
and the glimmer is indeed
a dance reminding that chance
kicked a stone rippling
a perfect pattern of circles
carrying dreams to smiling shores"
I love this stanza. It is so powerful and deep. Thank for sharing
Be blessed -ERC
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Nicely done! I like your potpourri of styles and metaphor. Good alliteration and free verse form. Love....> a perfect flower midst a thorny tower.... Well done!
gypsy
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Hello :)
Nicely done! I like your potpourri of styles and metaphor. Good alliteration and free verse form. Love....> a perfect flower midst a thorny tower.... Well done!
gypsy
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Bryana
Hi Michael,
I love your poem, beautifully written,
an excellent entry to the contest. It's really about
life, very profound, it certainly makes you think.
I enjoyed it very much.
I wish you luck in the contest.
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Hi Michael,
I love your poem, beautifully written,
an excellent entry to the contest. It's really about
life, very profound, it certainly makes you think.
I enjoyed it very much.
I wish you luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from c_lucas
Sounds like a good evening stroll filled with observations and thoughts. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read.
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Sounds like a good evening stroll filled with observations and thoughts. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from livelylinda
Michael: WOW! So many styles of writing within one poem. And, all those words (so loooonnnngggg) which are summed up neatly and succinctly at the end, "it is time to go home, this wondering and pondering leads me nowhere". Take time to stop and smell those roses, feel the tenderness of their petals. Linda
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Michael: WOW! So many styles of writing within one poem. And, all those words (so loooonnnngggg) which are summed up neatly and succinctly at the end, "it is time to go home, this wondering and pondering leads me nowhere". Take time to stop and smell those roses, feel the tenderness of their petals. Linda
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Sasha
I found this to be absolutely marvelous. Superb presentation and awesome artistic presentation. I read this several times and came away each time with more visualizations of the terrific imagery you convey with this. Terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
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I found this to be absolutely marvelous. Superb presentation and awesome artistic presentation. I read this several times and came away each time with more visualizations of the terrific imagery you convey with this. Terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is just gorgeous Mikey - Mykie? whatever - full of excellent metaphor and alliteration of which I'm sure you're aware, and is intentional, so I wont waste words on what you already know. It's what you have written overall. I loved your thoughts as you meandered. References to the wonders of the universe and your use of metaphor in these instances I have to comment. Orion, the Dipper, the Bear..... and I like in particular 'I count stars each unaware of the other failing math' - brilliant! Dying stars, some we view, already dead, how well you put it and you have written an exceptional poem - no 'moon in June' kind of stuff. I have a feeling you will not need it but, Good Luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy x
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This is just gorgeous Mikey - Mykie? whatever - full of excellent metaphor and alliteration of which I'm sure you're aware, and is intentional, so I wont waste words on what you already know. It's what you have written overall. I loved your thoughts as you meandered. References to the wonders of the universe and your use of metaphor in these instances I have to comment. Orion, the Dipper, the Bear..... and I like in particular 'I count stars each unaware of the other failing math' - brilliant! Dying stars, some we view, already dead, how well you put it and you have written an exceptional poem - no 'moon in June' kind of stuff. I have a feeling you will not need it but, Good Luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Donna G. (aka Sam Duck)
"Wandering and pondering". The thoughts and imaginings that happen in our minds as we see the world around us, it's vastness and it's microscopic beauty, well written and explored in this lovely free-verse poem. A worthy contest entry! Good luck!
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"Wandering and pondering". The thoughts and imaginings that happen in our minds as we see the world around us, it's vastness and it's microscopic beauty, well written and explored in this lovely free-verse poem. A worthy contest entry! Good luck!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from I am Cat
Well Mikey... *smiles*
THIS is so... telling.
I've read through at least six times so far... and each time a new thought arises...
Yet, always, it's here where I am drawn in the most:
'The night slips into reverie as do I. Dreams of nondescript meaning ride dots behind my eyelids. Sleep befalls unacknowledged. The sun ascends unappreciated and behind my back. I recall it sneaking away ... over there, at last glance ... clever yellow girl.'
(clever yellow girl, indeed... such tender, appreciative words for 'her'... started my skin to tingle. ;) and it was as if the fact that your mention of her being 'unappreciated' as she slipped behind our back, was completely forgotten with those three little words (and the ellipses...) ....'clever little girl'.) for WE know better, don't we?
'Oh my the glitter of glancing light upon the newly sequined squalls
that pound the castles long abandoned by their fickle kings
endless ocean, ever aware that the longer the journey
the more poignant seems the metaphor ... yet
though we are nearly the same thing
to consume you would kill me
you laugh splendidly and
beckon me forth
to join with
you
(THIS is just.... well... DELICIOUS, comes to mind. I can't think of another word that would suit it more... and yet, titillating, mesmerizing, wooing, "Who was bested? Who was bettered?..." those sorts of things)
'The rosebush in my garden once was grand
a million roses red beyond what red could be
years passed by and a thousand grew
still glorious and red a joy to view
then just a few
and finally one
a perfect flower amidst a thorny tower
worth every wound and drop of blood
that caring drew
till finally a stem I still embraced
all that was left of you
a thorn to leave a wound to heal
and what that came to reveal
to me
(this is so beautiful... and yes, brings to mind the saying, "I'm not ever as good as I once was, but I'm as good once, as I ever was." ;) )
I once had grandparents
and parents too
(a past... a family... youth)
it is time to go home
this wandering and pondering
leads me
nowhere
(yet... what is life, if without your dreams?)
yes, I must go home
where I once had a rosebush
(now only thorns?... what a sad, lamenting, and yet, consolable, thought provoking poem of wanting, longing to be, to have, to hold, to know... and yet... knowing, that IN the knowing... might be the downfall of the dream itself. A truly awe-inspiring free verse which leaves all others, undoubtedly reeling. You are SO good at this.
impressive beyond words...were I not a poet. ;)
I'd give it a galaxy of stars, if they were mine to give.
Well done, Mikey...
Cat
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Well Mikey... *smiles*
THIS is so... telling.
I've read through at least six times so far... and each time a new thought arises...
Yet, always, it's here where I am drawn in the most:
'The night slips into reverie as do I. Dreams of nondescript meaning ride dots behind my eyelids. Sleep befalls unacknowledged. The sun ascends unappreciated and behind my back. I recall it sneaking away ... over there, at last glance ... clever yellow girl.'
(clever yellow girl, indeed... such tender, appreciative words for 'her'... started my skin to tingle. ;) and it was as if the fact that your mention of her being 'unappreciated' as she slipped behind our back, was completely forgotten with those three little words (and the ellipses...) ....'clever little girl'.) for WE know better, don't we?
'Oh my the glitter of glancing light upon the newly sequined squalls
that pound the castles long abandoned by their fickle kings
endless ocean, ever aware that the longer the journey
the more poignant seems the metaphor ... yet
though we are nearly the same thing
to consume you would kill me
you laugh splendidly and
beckon me forth
to join with
you
(THIS is just.... well... DELICIOUS, comes to mind. I can't think of another word that would suit it more... and yet, titillating, mesmerizing, wooing, "Who was bested? Who was bettered?..." those sorts of things)
'The rosebush in my garden once was grand
a million roses red beyond what red could be
years passed by and a thousand grew
still glorious and red a joy to view
then just a few
and finally one
a perfect flower amidst a thorny tower
worth every wound and drop of blood
that caring drew
till finally a stem I still embraced
all that was left of you
a thorn to leave a wound to heal
and what that came to reveal
to me
(this is so beautiful... and yes, brings to mind the saying, "I'm not ever as good as I once was, but I'm as good once, as I ever was." ;) )
I once had grandparents
and parents too
(a past... a family... youth)
it is time to go home
this wandering and pondering
leads me
nowhere
(yet... what is life, if without your dreams?)
yes, I must go home
where I once had a rosebush
(now only thorns?... what a sad, lamenting, and yet, consolable, thought provoking poem of wanting, longing to be, to have, to hold, to know... and yet... knowing, that IN the knowing... might be the downfall of the dream itself. A truly awe-inspiring free verse which leaves all others, undoubtedly reeling. You are SO good at this.
impressive beyond words...were I not a poet. ;)
I'd give it a galaxy of stars, if they were mine to give.
Well done, Mikey...
Cat
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015