They saunter....
Shadows past.115 total reviews
Comment from RichardFann
Liked the length. Well structured, same metre as the song "Amazing Grace."
I'd be interested to know what your shadows are, or just one of them. And how it affects you now.
Interesting use of 'saunter' in first line, as this word is normally associated with positive vibes. Maybe you are coming to terms with your shadows, and making a friend of them. This is a more modern idea. We could for example reflect on the paradoxes within King David, Solomon, Peter, and Paul, and ask if they were able to get some closure on their regrettable actions.
Instread of 'ransom me' maybe have something like 'claw me back,' as ransom usually means a payment to get someone out of prison, and is therefore a generous act by a benefactor.
Being a Christian myself, I found the last verse predictable, but maybe others would find it a pleasant surprise.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Liked the length. Well structured, same metre as the song "Amazing Grace."
I'd be interested to know what your shadows are, or just one of them. And how it affects you now.
Interesting use of 'saunter' in first line, as this word is normally associated with positive vibes. Maybe you are coming to terms with your shadows, and making a friend of them. This is a more modern idea. We could for example reflect on the paradoxes within King David, Solomon, Peter, and Paul, and ask if they were able to get some closure on their regrettable actions.
Instread of 'ransom me' maybe have something like 'claw me back,' as ransom usually means a payment to get someone out of prison, and is therefore a generous act by a benefactor.
Being a Christian myself, I found the last verse predictable, but maybe others would find it a pleasant surprise.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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I'd be interested to know why you gave it such a low rating when there was a huge quantity of outstanding stars and the worst was excellent, it seems it was all criticism, you need to make more constructive comments if you do that! Blessings,
Roy.
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Hi Roy,
Thanks for your reply. My original comment was made on my first day on FanStory so I did not realise there is a standard marking procedure.
But I would still be interested in seeing a poem where you take just one of your shadows and explore it as much as possible.
PS: You have inspired me to tackle one of my shadow areas which is taking unwarranted risks. But it's not easy for me to admit to it.
I have updated your poem to 5 star. Hope the FanStory system has updated it correctly.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Roy,
This is a beautiful poem. It's no wonder it's already been recognized and received the All Time Best award. It surely deserves it. I enjoyed the read from beginning to end.
Kat
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Hi Roy,
This is a beautiful poem. It's no wonder it's already been recognized and received the All Time Best award. It surely deserves it. I enjoyed the read from beginning to end.
Kat
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you Kat, for the excellent rating and great comments, blessings, Roy,
Comment from Thamp
That's what we need to read, let the past be be past, today and tomorrow with our Lord. Thank you for your beautiful words of wisdom. Have a great day!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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That's what we need to read, let the past be be past, today and tomorrow with our Lord. Thank you for your beautiful words of wisdom. Have a great day!
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you, for the excellent rating and great comments, blessings, Roy,
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Roy. This is wonderful poetry, my friend. You capture the essence very nicely: Strong verbs and images throughout.
"When haunted by those fetid dreams
and fears my soul would grasp,
repeated visions, open wounds
rubbed raw by horror's rasp.
Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Hi, Roy. This is wonderful poetry, my friend. You capture the essence very nicely: Strong verbs and images throughout.
"When haunted by those fetid dreams
and fears my soul would grasp,
repeated visions, open wounds
rubbed raw by horror's rasp.
Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you Bob, for the excellent rating and great comments, blessings, Roy,
Comment from samsaysagain
Excellent. Good thoughts have out weighed the bad and you've have become your own person again. Unfortunately,the good, the bad and the ugly sometime come hand in hand or so close together we lose site of who and what we are or what we believe. Your positive attitude is contagious in what you have written here. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Excellent. Good thoughts have out weighed the bad and you've have become your own person again. Unfortunately,the good, the bad and the ugly sometime come hand in hand or so close together we lose site of who and what we are or what we believe. Your positive attitude is contagious in what you have written here. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
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You're very welcome. Thanks for the reply.
(Please excuse my goof up at the end of the first line and beginning of the next one.
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, Roy. I want to know why this didn't show up in my inbox. Did you include a special request not to let Jay review this? Weeeeeell it didn't work. LOL.
I thought at first this was one of the contest poems about Ghosts. I've read three of them so far--thought this would be the fourth.
Oh, I too have been haunted by the ghosts of fear, desperation, failure, lonliness, embarrassment, health concerns, old age. And, yes you remain in their grip until you can release them to the Higher Power.
Thank you for your daily reminders.
See, I wasn't so hard on you. God Bless you, Roy.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Hey, Roy. I want to know why this didn't show up in my inbox. Did you include a special request not to let Jay review this? Weeeeeell it didn't work. LOL.
I thought at first this was one of the contest poems about Ghosts. I've read three of them so far--thought this would be the fourth.
Oh, I too have been haunted by the ghosts of fear, desperation, failure, lonliness, embarrassment, health concerns, old age. And, yes you remain in their grip until you can release them to the Higher Power.
Thank you for your daily reminders.
See, I wasn't so hard on you. God Bless you, Roy.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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It was a "blind " entry Jay, that's why, I was disqualified anyway, some minor technicality, so no, I wouldn't do that to you, heh, heh, there are some I would, but don't, great review thanks Jay, blessings, Roy.
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I knew you wouldn't do that. I was just playing with you. LOL, have a good day.
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Heh.....heh...
Comment from c_lucas
Dark thoughts and energies cannot withstand the light. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, which makes for a very good read.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Dark thoughts and energies cannot withstand the light. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, which makes for a very good read.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much Charlie, for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
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You're welcome, Roy. Charlie
Comment from Leineco
Perhaps because of the kyrielle I have been working on all day - this poem struck a cord with me. With it's ghosts of the past, and open wounds it spoke of dealing with life's trials . . . and their mark on us. But it also spoke of the hope, in knowing they only chronicle where we have been - but do not determine our future.
Very nicely done :-)
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Perhaps because of the kyrielle I have been working on all day - this poem struck a cord with me. With it's ghosts of the past, and open wounds it spoke of dealing with life's trials . . . and their mark on us. But it also spoke of the hope, in knowing they only chronicle where we have been - but do not determine our future.
Very nicely done :-)
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Exactly! Thank you so much for the kind review, lovely comments and excellent rating, I appreciate them, blessings, Roy
Comment from bob cullen
This is great poetry. The rhyme is splendid, the meter neat and the message as always one of faith.
Are all the poems posted here new.
How long have you been writing? You must have quite a collection.
They always make for inspirational reading.
What does it cost to post at the top of the first page?
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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This is great poetry. The rhyme is splendid, the meter neat and the message as always one of faith.
Are all the poems posted here new.
How long have you been writing? You must have quite a collection.
They always make for inspirational reading.
What does it cost to post at the top of the first page?
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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About 26 years Bob but only a year and a bit on fanstory, 50% of what I've written have been songs! I have no idea how many! you tend to be interested in the next, depends on the mood really! I'm sure you know what it's like! I think we're all the same, I'm simply a little in bondage to writing! There's always a masterpiece around the corner, I'm not terribly ambitious! With God my focus, I simply just trust! Great review, thank you Bob, make great friends like you, blessings, Roy.
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Have any of the songs been recorded?
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2 CD Albums and numerous singles Bob, I would love just record, can't afford it! but poetry is a good foil, thanks for asking, Roy.
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so you sing. Were you ever in a group?
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Yes, my family and another family group we formed the nucleus, my two daughters, who themselves are fine musicians, and another family, a long time ago now, my daughters have families of their own, thanks Bob, Roy.
Comment from Caroline Yego
Amen! I like your poetry. It is worth reading: the flow, the word choice, the style in itself is nice to read. The message is humbling. I like the last bit;
'in God I trust, my lamp burns strong,
their hold on me is gone.'
May your lamp burn strong always.
Beautiful expression!
Carol
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
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Amen! I like your poetry. It is worth reading: the flow, the word choice, the style in itself is nice to read. The message is humbling. I like the last bit;
'in God I trust, my lamp burns strong,
their hold on me is gone.'
May your lamp burn strong always.
Beautiful expression!
Carol
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2015
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Thank you Caroline, for this most inspiring review, comments and stars, uplifting. Blessings, Roy.
