Faces of the City
A make believe essay.52 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Absolutely well written.
Descriptions are easy to read and puts the reader in the piece
I can see everything you write about.
Flow is good and keeps moving from new thing to another
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Absolutely well written.
Descriptions are easy to read and puts the reader in the piece
I can see everything you write about.
Flow is good and keeps moving from new thing to another
Comment Written 04-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much, Barb, for taking time to read my story and your comments. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from jpduck
I thoroughly enjoyed each hand-picked word of this unusual combination of a guide to Manhattan and biography of a fascinating man. And yet, no mention of the ubiquitous New York cabby!
A few typos/SPAGs:
'out-of-place rebel flag hanging in its window.' (Insert blank line after 'window.' to mark the paragraph).
'small family-owned spice shop.' (Insert comma after 'small').
'glowing turquoise eyes.' (Insert comma after 'glowing').
'Two of he and his wife's three children' ('Two of his wife's and his'
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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I thoroughly enjoyed each hand-picked word of this unusual combination of a guide to Manhattan and biography of a fascinating man. And yet, no mention of the ubiquitous New York cabby!
A few typos/SPAGs:
'out-of-place rebel flag hanging in its window.' (Insert blank line after 'window.' to mark the paragraph).
'small family-owned spice shop.' (Insert comma after 'small').
'glowing turquoise eyes.' (Insert comma after 'glowing').
'Two of he and his wife's three children' ('Two of his wife's and his'
Comment Written 04-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Dag nab it. You are so right. I completely left out the cabbies, driving so fast, with barely room to pass the rows of cars parked against the curbs on both sides of the streets. The drivers all speed, racing against time, for the next fare. Petrified with fear, I tremble and shake with my butt so tight that it's stuck to the seat, like a suction cup. Lord! If you'll let me out of here safely, I'll never ride in a New York cab again. Lucky for me and my wallet, I soon grew accustom to just closing my eyes until I reached my destinations. Thank you so much for taking time to read my story, your comments and suggestions. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi ric my world,
Thanks for a glimpse of a place I have only visited once, I found New York fascinating, but not very friendly, but then, I guess I was on my own in a strange place, only there briefly and so didn't get much more than a glimpse of its best and worst. There are a lot of folk like the little chap you met on the train in every society I think. He did well to rise from selling papers to whatever he found so absorbing by the time you met him.
Patrick
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Hi ric my world,
Thanks for a glimpse of a place I have only visited once, I found New York fascinating, but not very friendly, but then, I guess I was on my own in a strange place, only there briefly and so didn't get much more than a glimpse of its best and worst. There are a lot of folk like the little chap you met on the train in every society I think. He did well to rise from selling papers to whatever he found so absorbing by the time you met him.
Patrick
Comment Written 04-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Yes, New York is not one of the most friendly places in the world, and not somewhere many of us would like to live, but it has everything a mind can imagine. However, in my case, it doesn't take long for me to realize how unimportant they are in the big scheme of things. Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment on my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Drew Delaney
This is so interesting and amusing at the same time. I could have been sitting right there for you made me smell every scent, and explained the guys talkative story so well. I would like to go one day to New York, but I am a country person. If I've been to London, I imagine it is much the same. Nice write. Drew
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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This is so interesting and amusing at the same time. I could have been sitting right there for you made me smell every scent, and explained the guys talkative story so well. I would like to go one day to New York, but I am a country person. If I've been to London, I imagine it is much the same. Nice write. Drew
Comment Written 04-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much, Drew, for taking time to read and comment on my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-0
Comment from Gloria ....
Buddy in the white Speedo should get a job cheerleading with the Dallas Cowboys. He's got the legs for it.
What a lovely pastoral of New York City. All those soothing teeth shattering and eye popping sounds and sights. I must admit to loving the smell of the food and there's something very pleasant about cherry pipe tobacco.
You caught me. I've never been to Manhattan except at the movies.
One small typo: Lynyrd Skynyrd. Personally, I don't think anyone in that band knows how to spell correctly but they sure play some fine music.
LOL. Very cute about the guy croaking like a burping frog he was so nervous about the girl of his dreams.
It is true, the strongest memory is that of smell. I guess it's the residual animal in us.
This is a delightful story, Ric. I think you've taken us there with your vivid imagery and gentle tug at the heart strings.
Very well written.
Gloria
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Buddy in the white Speedo should get a job cheerleading with the Dallas Cowboys. He's got the legs for it.
What a lovely pastoral of New York City. All those soothing teeth shattering and eye popping sounds and sights. I must admit to loving the smell of the food and there's something very pleasant about cherry pipe tobacco.
You caught me. I've never been to Manhattan except at the movies.
One small typo: Lynyrd Skynyrd. Personally, I don't think anyone in that band knows how to spell correctly but they sure play some fine music.
LOL. Very cute about the guy croaking like a burping frog he was so nervous about the girl of his dreams.
It is true, the strongest memory is that of smell. I guess it's the residual animal in us.
This is a delightful story, Ric. I think you've taken us there with your vivid imagery and gentle tug at the heart strings.
Very well written.
Gloria
Comment Written 04-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much, Gloria, for taking time to read and comment on my story. As always, your kinds words and generous review are greatly appreciated. It was brought to my attention that I hadn't said a word about the cabbies and the rides. So, dag nab it, the cabbies, driving so fast, with barely room to pass the rows of cars parked at the curbs on both sides of the streets. The drivers all speed, racing against time, for the next fare. Petrified with fear, I tremble and shake with my butt so tight that it's stuck to the seat, like a suction cup. Lord! If you'll let me out of there safely, I'll never ride in a New York cab again. Lucky for my wallet and me, I soon grew accustom to just closing my eyes until I reached my destinations. Have a Wonderful Day, Sweet Lady! :-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Ric, you did a nice job on the assignment, taking the reader into the scene so that we, too, could see, hear, and smell what you did. You had an awful lot of comma errors, however, and if you intend to continue writing prose, you really need to learn some rules. Here is an excellent place to do it: CLICK HERE.
These first examples all share the same serious error. NEVER put a single comma between a subject and its predicate. Find the subject noun/pronoun and the verb, and do not separate them with a single comma. Sometimes a pair of commas may be there, isolating an extra phrase thrown in, but never just ONE comma. Look at these from your story.
1. Slower commuters, often draw angry glares
2. The rat-tat-tats of a jackhammer in the background, jar(s) the sidewalk
3. Fumes from vehicles stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, had not moved in ten minutes
4. A bunch of old guys with nothing to do and nowhere to be, hang around the newspaper stands
In sentence 1, COMMUTERS is the subject, and DRAW is the verb. Remove that comma!
In #2, subject noun is RAT-TAT-TATS; predicate verb is JAR (not jars, since the subject is plural). Remove that comma.
In #3, subject noun is FUMES; predicate verb is MOVED. Remove that comma.
In #4, subject noun is BUNCH; predicate verb is HANG. Remove that comma. ----OR---- You may set off the long phrase by adding a second comma in front of "nothing to do and nowhere to be," setting that off from the sentence as something extra.
Each of these below has a different error.
5. Barely seated, the train began rolling over the joints
from hot dogs, to nuts, and every imaginable Asian food.
You have written this to mean that the train is barely seated. You need to add some words to make it mean that you or others are barely seated when the train moves away.
6. they named their youngest daughter, Cinnamon
Remove that comma. There is no reason for it here. If you were to write, "My name is Ric." You would not use a comma. Same situation here.
However, you used the comma correctly later when you said "they call their daughter, Cinnamon." There you meant they called her on the phone, not named her, and there her name explains who their daughter is.
7. Two of he and his wife's three children
The word you want is HIS, not HE. Two of his and his wife's three children
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Ric, you did a nice job on the assignment, taking the reader into the scene so that we, too, could see, hear, and smell what you did. You had an awful lot of comma errors, however, and if you intend to continue writing prose, you really need to learn some rules. Here is an excellent place to do it: CLICK HERE.
These first examples all share the same serious error. NEVER put a single comma between a subject and its predicate. Find the subject noun/pronoun and the verb, and do not separate them with a single comma. Sometimes a pair of commas may be there, isolating an extra phrase thrown in, but never just ONE comma. Look at these from your story.
1. Slower commuters, often draw angry glares
2. The rat-tat-tats of a jackhammer in the background, jar(s) the sidewalk
3. Fumes from vehicles stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, had not moved in ten minutes
4. A bunch of old guys with nothing to do and nowhere to be, hang around the newspaper stands
In sentence 1, COMMUTERS is the subject, and DRAW is the verb. Remove that comma!
In #2, subject noun is RAT-TAT-TATS; predicate verb is JAR (not jars, since the subject is plural). Remove that comma.
In #3, subject noun is FUMES; predicate verb is MOVED. Remove that comma.
In #4, subject noun is BUNCH; predicate verb is HANG. Remove that comma. ----OR---- You may set off the long phrase by adding a second comma in front of "nothing to do and nowhere to be," setting that off from the sentence as something extra.
Each of these below has a different error.
5. Barely seated, the train began rolling over the joints
from hot dogs, to nuts, and every imaginable Asian food.
You have written this to mean that the train is barely seated. You need to add some words to make it mean that you or others are barely seated when the train moves away.
6. they named their youngest daughter, Cinnamon
Remove that comma. There is no reason for it here. If you were to write, "My name is Ric." You would not use a comma. Same situation here.
However, you used the comma correctly later when you said "they call their daughter, Cinnamon." There you meant they called her on the phone, not named her, and there her name explains who their daughter is.
7. Two of he and his wife's three children
The word you want is HIS, not HE. Two of his and his wife's three children
Comment Written 04-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Yes, I'm still just scribbling words on a page like some so called artists splashes paint on a canvas and rolls in it. It doesn't look so good to the trained eye. I've broken the rules my whole life and been able to win, but this writing thing isn't something I can sell without first learning something about it. Thanks so much for taking time to read and comment on my story. The extra time you have given to offer suggestions and make corrections are greatly appreciated, as is the generous review. Thanks again. :-)
Comment from country ranch writer
people all like the hustle and bustle of New York it is a city that never sleeps some one said it is the sister city to Las Vages give me the good old country for this country gal
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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people all like the hustle and bustle of New York it is a city that never sleeps some one said it is the sister city to Las Vages give me the good old country for this country gal
Comment Written 03-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2015
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Yes, I'm an old country boy too, and I can't take Manhattan or Vegas for very long at a time. Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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COUNTRY IS MY GAME
Comment from chasennov
"Faces of the City" I enjoyed very much this incredibly descriptive, and very aromatic insight into New York. This is a good story you have created here. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2015
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"Faces of the City" I enjoyed very much this incredibly descriptive, and very aromatic insight into New York. This is a good story you have created here. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hey, Ric,
Well, heck, that dude has a 'Glamour Shot' in the making there, and right downtown, no less!
Was in New York once, and that was one time toooo many, thank you, very much! (*:*) Case in point, 'Glamour Shot Dude!' LOL
Well written, smooth, and a very interesting read. I think your writing reflects the qualifications of the lesson.
Well penned and presented.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2015
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Hey, Ric,
Well, heck, that dude has a 'Glamour Shot' in the making there, and right downtown, no less!
Was in New York once, and that was one time toooo many, thank you, very much! (*:*) Case in point, 'Glamour Shot Dude!' LOL
Well written, smooth, and a very interesting read. I think your writing reflects the qualifications of the lesson.
Well penned and presented.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 03-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much, Jax, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I don't know what kind of person is willing to run around almost naked in front of three million people, but one thing is for sure, he wouldn't last long with the kind of ole boys that I grew up with. :-)
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~!
Wow! This is a really well-written work. I loved the way to used the elements you were asked to include. For me, more than the story of the two characters, the description of the place was a winner. I enjoyed reading the description and could actually see the busy streets of Manhattan. Unfortunately, I believe, that wont be the place for me. My! Such a busy, electrifying lifestyle! Goodness!
Anyway, I enjoyed this work very much! Had I a six star left, I would give it to this work! :)
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2015
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Hello there~!
Wow! This is a really well-written work. I loved the way to used the elements you were asked to include. For me, more than the story of the two characters, the description of the place was a winner. I enjoyed reading the description and could actually see the busy streets of Manhattan. Unfortunately, I believe, that wont be the place for me. My! Such a busy, electrifying lifestyle! Goodness!
Anyway, I enjoyed this work very much! Had I a six star left, I would give it to this work! :)
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
Comment Written 03-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Yes, New York is a nice place to visit, but like you, I really wouldn't want to live there. God Bless! :-)