Comment from Bryana

Exceptional

Reading your work is such a pleasure
dear David and this poem
is absolutely well written,
it made me smile...

I love these lines...
You'd loaded first and, unrehearsed, dispatched a crooked shot,
A wintry sort of cruel retort, but interjected hot.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thank you so much, my dear friend, for the sixer and the review. As always, I appreciate it...and wish you had that daughter we talk about. ;-)

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

You really shine in this poetic offering, David.
I enjoyed the jaunty feel of the words - each line with its very clever internal rhyming.

Such a hopeful beginning, though the speaker is a tad intimidated, and such a desolate put-down at the end.

Makes one realize how much can be transmitted in just two words.

Rose.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, Rose. I truly appreciate your thoughts and great review.

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

Brilliant title and content with the duet of greetings and goodbyes in two parts.

Clever, witty, fantastically well rhymed (well timed internal rhymes, slant rhymes and assonance--bravo--too many to note as I'd copy the entire poem line by line!)

But my favorite slant rhymes are:

dimmed/condemned
first/unrehearsed


Sounds super read aloud.

Your poem is: verbal sugar-cane!!!!

Kudos

Love,
rd

PS You really should be compiling a book...

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thank you so much, Rama! Your six and your kind words are so encouraging and validating, and I appreciate it very much.

David

reply by rama devi on 06-Feb-2014

:-))

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, marillion, I enjoyed the contract between the sweet words and sour words that can be a part of our lives. I think yesterday was a sour day.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, jax! I appreciate your review, my friend.

Comment from livelylinda

Excellent

David:. . .and you are the drama king! Anything any woman says to you becomes a stage play, an entire scene. Have you noticed that? Anyway, good write once again. You never disappoint me. . .see how easy it is on paper?? livelylinda

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

It's all poetic license, Linda, I promise you that. Thank you very much. David

Comment from American Patriot

Excellent

02/06/2014 Hello! I'm satisfied with this poem because it has capitalization, rhyme, rhythm, beat, and flow. I personally enjoyed the lighter side of this poem. Congratulations on your relationship-based poem! - Jason Robert Van Pelt

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thanks very much, Patriot! I appreciate it!

Comment from A Jesterstear

Excellent

There has got to be one about the fish you caught? I like the metaphor 'book ends' Another of your clever well written poems. I am running out of compliments, so I hope none of my reviews seem patronising, they are not meant to be. I'm known for speaking my mind. And you are very talented. AJ.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

You know, I was wondering the same. I was with the same woman for five years, but I rarely wrote during that period, except for a few poems written for her, but I think I posted those already, so I can't post them. I do need to flip the script a bit, though...but as another Marillion affectionado, perhaps that's our lot, brother.

I really appreciate your kind words, and they're not patronizing in the least. David

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

A unique love poem of from one who was to shy to say hello until it eaked out. Then the demise in the relationship transcended. I liked how you metaphorically likened it to the closing of a play...

That final scene, the drama queen surrendered love to die?
The stage was dimmed, the show condemned, and ended with "Good-bye."

Nicely done... John

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, John. I appreciate your great review and wonderful thoughts about the poem. David

Comment from comanalbert

Excellent

If you don't stop me from reading you, one day just before the ressurection, not only I'll be a poet, I'll be better than you.Yes I have read your resume and still stand by my opinion. Let me just learn English a bit better and give me 'till ressurection and then we can talk.

Btw, you say you have a strong muscle in reviewing; just one quick question: how many writing classes do I need? Be yourself, I don't fancy the sweet "let's be friends" fiver...

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

I have no doubt you can do it, my brother. Keep it up!

When I review you, I promise to be thorough and honest. When I first started back, I got muted several times, despite trying to be helpful, and more or less insulted a few times, so I'll take your invitation to heart, my friend.

Thanks for your kind words. The resurrection is nigh!

reply by comanalbert on 06-Feb-2014

Instead of muting you(not necessary, my thinking organ has thick skin from years of standing on it and many kicks-steps forward), I'd better come up with something to give you the dentist's expression...(AAA!...)

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Damn right, my brother!

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

The rhythm of the ballad format galloping across the page is unmistakable. Great rhythm and rhyme, no accident I'm sure. The embodiment of poetry is the excellent lesson here: a love story from start to finish condensed to a hallmark. Exceptional. Go man go. Kenny

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Kenny. Yes, I decided to cover the beginning and the end without the middle portion, just as an experiment. I appreciate your words, brother.