Geoffrey's Musings.
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Creepy Neighbours"A book of Stories, Essays and Poetry.
58 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
I seriously think you've wrecked your poem by adding on the second half.
The first half was funny, it flowed, it told a story and gave a message.
It is true that the second half added to the story but the flow stopped, the message became confused and the thing just fell to bits.... I would save this up for a sequel and try to make the rhyme and meter more consistent.
Steve
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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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I seriously think you've wrecked your poem by adding on the second half.
The first half was funny, it flowed, it told a story and gave a message.
It is true that the second half added to the story but the flow stopped, the message became confused and the thing just fell to bits.... I would save this up for a sequel and try to make the rhyme and meter more consistent.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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Thanks for that. I have had some excellent reviews but your point is valid. I did also write about these in my book. I am guessing we won'[t see these anymore after the new fence goes up and that probably is best for both of us.
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Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from Selina Stambi
Sankey, you made me smile. We had creepy neighbours too, many years ago, and I prayed for the day we could move. We finally did - all because of them. I remember you wrote about these folks in your biography, didn't you?
May I suggest that you make the font a little larger and lessen the space between the lines of each stanza? - may be a bit easier on the eye.
Happy New Year, friend. I was away for several weeks over the Christmas break and have missed a lot - there's some catching up to do!
God bless you and the dear missus.
Sonali
we can't get no sense ... should be .. we can get no sense ... or .. we can't get any sense
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Sankey, you made me smile. We had creepy neighbours too, many years ago, and I prayed for the day we could move. We finally did - all because of them. I remember you wrote about these folks in your biography, didn't you?
May I suggest that you make the font a little larger and lessen the space between the lines of each stanza? - may be a bit easier on the eye.
Happy New Year, friend. I was away for several weeks over the Christmas break and have missed a lot - there's some catching up to do!
God bless you and the dear missus.
Sonali
we can't get no sense ... should be .. we can get no sense ... or .. we can't get any sense
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Ok will look into it. The only reason I put this up again was the last verses just added yesterday. As it says we are getting some sense from them now. Thanks again.
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Hey I did as you suggested have another look ok!
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Well done, sir - I checked it out - looks GOOD! :)
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Thanks just put the Medical Chapter (ch 4) of my Autobiography up again for some more reviews of edits and changes boring chapter I know but well ahhh. Thanks anyway.
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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I did - looks much better. Like the new verse! Well done .. mate! :)
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Thanks Sister Sonali right? Like the new picture and new fence?
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Ah ha .. to both questions. Good night - midnight here - off to bed. Church tomorrow.
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Didn't get to church today had a bad fall on Wednesday (Tuesday for you) and still had a lot of pain in my tummy from stretching tummy muscles in the fall I think from vertigo.
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So sorry to hear this, Geoff. Take care and don't overdo things till you feel really well.
Comment from Cragler
The short lines work well in this poem and your images are well developed maybe a little editing of the longer lines for eg "something at home just not right" could be "something not right" this fits better with the poem and doesn't detract from what you are saying just a thought some editing and this poem would read better the poem is taking shape nicely now have a look into the opening stanzas when you get a chance. cheers Craig
Some good editing work has paid of well greta effort cheers Craig
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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The short lines work well in this poem and your images are well developed maybe a little editing of the longer lines for eg "something at home just not right" could be "something not right" this fits better with the poem and doesn't detract from what you are saying just a thought some editing and this poem would read better the poem is taking shape nicely now have a look into the opening stanzas when you get a chance. cheers Craig
Some good editing work has paid of well greta effort cheers Craig
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Hi Craig don't think we have met before. Thanks for the suggestions. Always up to suggestions here. Did wonder about the longer lines. I mainly put this up again as I only did the last verse today as the creepy defacto came over a couple of days ago to finally ask about helping with the fence replacement. If you are interested I also did another edit to the Medical Chapter of my book(autobiography "The Little Dog That Wouldn't let Go" I made the mistake of putting it up in the break between Christmas and New Year and not many looked at it Duh! Will look for you and see what you have written and see what I can find to read. happy New year and thanks again for the help.
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Just did that edit you mentioned have a look ok and let me know if anymore needs changing.
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It looks good I had a similar problem with filler words early on when writing eg and, but, the, etc if you trim those out it really helps with flow without distracting from what you want to say I have posted a few on here and have a website at www.craiglincolpoetry.com please have a look if you like and email me from the contacts page it has a link to my facebook page as well cheers Craig
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yeah I am on Facer Book too as I probably said was how I found FS any chance of upping that "Four' now?
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Hey I made some more changes have another look ok!
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from Keturah Martin
This has really been spruced up and improved. Great work of restoration. Thanks for telling me about the update. Keep up the great work, friend.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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This has really been spruced up and improved. Great work of restoration. Thanks for telling me about the update. Keep up the great work, friend.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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thanks very much I put the poem up especially to exhibit the last verse which I only added this morning. Have also done an edit to my Medical Chapter of my autobiography "The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go" if you care to look at that for get if it is chapter 3 or 4. Happy New Year to you too.
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Sorry more than one new verse added and I just did another edit if you'd like to look.
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from goompa
A very nice job with this humorous piece of work. It has been said that a bad literary agent is worse than no agent at all. Such is also the case with neighbors.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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A very nice job with this humorous piece of work. It has been said that a bad literary agent is worse than no agent at all. Such is also the case with neighbors.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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yeah right I put this up to exhibit the very last verse I added this morning. I should have explained that more. I also did an edit to my Medical Chapter of my book (autobiography "The little Dog that Wouldn't Let Go" ..if interested Happy New year.
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Sorry more than one new verse added and I just did another edit if you'd like to look.
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from Gladness
This is a fun little poem. It gave me a couple cuckles.The first stanza is good, but the last line of the second could be tweaked. Something like, "does nothing but sob" might work.
I like the "lesser than few" manners and the last stanza sums things up quite well. Thanks for sharing, Anita
I really like the first seven stanzas. I would leave out 8,9 and 10. I understand them because I have read your other stories, otherwise I don't think I would get it.
I also like the last two stanzas. Thanks again, enjoyed the read. Anita
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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This is a fun little poem. It gave me a couple cuckles.The first stanza is good, but the last line of the second could be tweaked. Something like, "does nothing but sob" might work.
I like the "lesser than few" manners and the last stanza sums things up quite well. Thanks for sharing, Anita
I really like the first seven stanzas. I would leave out 8,9 and 10. I understand them because I have read your other stories, otherwise I don't think I would get it.
I also like the last two stanzas. Thanks again, enjoyed the read. Anita
Comment Written 29-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Thanks Anite might give that a look. Funny how we all have a different angle on things you are the first one with that suggestion. Give it some thought.
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Did an edit to that line not what you said may go back later just added some more to my Creepy Neighbours poem
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Sorry more than one new verse added and I just did another edit if you'd like to look.
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from rouskin
Very well penned poem about terrible neighbors.
Straight from the heart.
I'd like to believe that they will leave soon.
I long for the day,
they tire of surroundings
and soon move away.
Thank you for sharing and have a great Thanksgiving.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Very well penned poem about terrible neighbors.
Straight from the heart.
I'd like to believe that they will leave soon.
I long for the day,
they tire of surroundings
and soon move away.
Thank you for sharing and have a great Thanksgiving.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Hi mate wish we were a thanksgiving nation sadly we were a penal colony hehe Thanks for the great review.
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just added some more to my Creepy Neighbours poem
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Sorry more than one new verse added and I just did another edit if you'd like to look.
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from kiwijenny
Ooh creepy neighbors....I hope they aren't not fanstorians...and review a poem and say....isn't that our fence? I doubt it if they are truly creepy.....though some of the poems on here delight in the creepy....:o)
God bless
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Ooh creepy neighbors....I hope they aren't not fanstorians...and review a poem and say....isn't that our fence? I doubt it if they are truly creepy.....though some of the poems on here delight in the creepy....:o)
God bless
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2013
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Thanks for dropping by. These are creepy I assure you.
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just added some more to my Creepy Neighbours poem
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Sorry more than one new verse added and I just did another edit if you'd like to look.
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
-
Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from livelylinda
Sankey: thanks for this fun poem. People so weird don't usually get very friendly with others because they know that they are weird and don't fit in anywhere. Protect yourself from them and leave them alone. A good write. livelylinda
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
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Sankey: thanks for this fun poem. People so weird don't usually get very friendly with others because they know that they are weird and don't fit in anywhere. Protect yourself from them and leave them alone. A good write. livelylinda
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
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Hi Linda have we met before? Thanks for a light-hearted review.Might have some more verses to add soon
Hope you will check my other stuff out and I will watch for yours. Backed up quite a bit with reviews waiting atm.
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just added some more to my Creepy Neighbours poem
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Sorry more than one new verse added and I just did another edit if you'd like to look.
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New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
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Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!
Comment from L.A.Matthies
Well, I'd certainly be looking forward to seeing them move away also ...they certainly seem to be creepy ...nice work on this one.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
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Well, I'd certainly be looking forward to seeing them move away also ...they certainly seem to be creepy ...nice work on this one.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
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Thanks very much don't think we have met before.Might have some more verses to add soon Hope you will check my other stuff as I said to other new friend bit backed up with reviews to be done atm. Thanks
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just added some more to my Creepy Neighbours poem
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Sorry more than one new verse added and I just did another edit if you'd like to look.
-
New verse added and just fixed the set up of poem if you would like to check
-
Creepy's paid for the fence yesterday! Yippee!!