Comment from Petriesan

Excellent

no comma needed after flashlight. . .

good story told with just enough suspense to keep us going to the source of the bug problem.

Not sure why the termite data was listed, but it did not detract from the story

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thanks, Petriesan, I really appreciate it. The termite data? That was just put into the author's notes to ground the story in a bit of reality. I've found it beneficial, especially when writing in the horror genre, if you include actual fact about some particulars concerning your story, it helps allow the reader to associate with it. It's been pretty successful over my career.
Thanks again!

reply by Petriesan on 18-Nov-2013

ok

Comment from L.A.Matthies

Excellent

What a treat! I enjoyed the way you drew me into the story so effectively. It was very realistic for the man to think he would just handle it without a professional. Excellent job ...good luck!

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thanks very much, L.A. Matthies, I sincerely appreciate that, my friend!

Comment from pensee

Excellent

Gory, funny, with great visual images. I loved the use of alliteration. And you tell a whole story, and develop two characters, with so few words. Well done.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thanks, pensee. I really appreciate that, and I'm even more grateful that you liked it!

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

Your format is so identifiable, even without the music. Also, your dark style. An everyday fellow goes to kill some bugs in his basement and ends up impaled and probably dinner.
Nice way to take an everyday problem and turn it into a horror story.

Congratulations on you win. Awesome post. Another for your book.

Squeaky stairs would sound nice.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thanks, BD. Yeah, somehow, even simply by just reading, people readily pick up that it's me. I don't know how it happens, but it happens all of the time. I guess that's a good thing, to have a style all your own?

Thanks for reading and reviewing this for me, I really appreciate it.

Comment from elchupakabra

Excellent

This was an excellent flash fiction piece. I usually dislike alliterated character names but got over it quickly. The other alliterations you used served the prose well. I thought the dialogue was perfect and the ending was solid. Great work on this piece, Dean, and congrats on the win. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thanks very much, 'Chup! I'm really glad you enjoyed this crazy piece, LOL...

Comment from nelliesellie

Excellent

I love the picture. I love the story. I was not able to vote on this. It did not come up on the voting scene. I find this story really scary. I am glad I do not have a basement. Great work. I am glad you won.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Hah ha, thanks very much, nelliesllie. I'm really glad you liked it!

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Congratulations on your win. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a frightening read. Your poem has good imagery.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thank you, Charlie. I really appreciate that!

Comment from Millibrad

Excellent

It's only a little bug problem, I can handle it. Right. You did a great job within the word limitation; foreshadowing in paragraph one, showing concern in paragraph 2, building suspense in paragraph 3 and finally the climax. Very well done.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thanks very much, Millibrad, I really appreciate that. I force myself to do flash fiction sometimes because it's so hard for me. It's really good practice on learning how to tell a story with very few words.

Thanks again, my friend, Have yourself an excellent week!

Comment from Sylvia Page

Excellent

The termites attacked one of my book cupboards and half my very valuable books were lost. The cupboard itself was not damaged. It does not like the taste of that wood. As it was placed a good 3inches away from the wall, it had created a sort of bridge and found a weak spot - a gap in the wood and the glass and entered. I am forever fighting these beastly insects as this house is over a hundred years and is riddled with their nests in the walls.

Your article is outstanding.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Oh, mercy Sylvia! They ate your books? I'd rather they had eaten my book shelf, books are so darned expensive these days. Unless you get them on kindle, but it's just not the same.

I hope you get those little suckers under control! I really appreciate the review.

Comment from Devon Phipps

Excellent

OMG this story was so scary. we all at some point in time had a creepy basement to which we never went because we are so scared of the "monsters" down there. very nicely written

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013

Thanks, Devon. My father-in-law's basement is freaky! The house, built in 1901 has a dirt floor, old rock walls, and there are spiders literally everywhere! His basement is what gave me the idea for this.