All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Midnight Blue"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
39 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Wow yo are really getting into it with free verse girl. Beautiful!! I've one suggestion to make and that is to remove the following:
all the world
waits
in tranquil
cacophony
and let the poem call the end. Such a romantic write.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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Wow yo are really getting into it with free verse girl. Beautiful!! I've one suggestion to make and that is to remove the following:
all the world
waits
in tranquil
cacophony
and let the poem call the end. Such a romantic write.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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that's so funny Gungalo - I originally wrote it like that (i.e. ending at 'breathe my breath' but then continued to tinker beyond where I should have. Thx so much dear! :)S
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I liked the last line with it though. Sigh.
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which last line??? all the world waits?
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"In midnight blue." Your title line girlie.
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yup - tinkered more ... duh! :)
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I like it better without "all the world waits".
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gotcha!
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Oh yeah, that is it. Leave it alone now. LOL.
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yep - before I bugger it up again!! GRRR!
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Noooooo don't. LOL
Comment from October21
Gosh, Sharyn! It's... beautiful. What a poem!!
Where do I start?
I know I'm going to run out of words to use to describe how BREATHTAKING your poem is!
We're doing poetry at school so hopefully I can use some of what I'm learning and apply it to your review. With me, the longer my review, this usually means the more I like it!
The use of the words with "C"... Great!
Sea's sighing- fabulous personification of the waves, it's almost like I can hear them with your perfect description:-)
In tranquil cacophony- oh, such a wonderful description! The word "tranquil" is just one of my favourites and works SO well here!
Barks, stirs- excellent onomatopoeia! That part about the animals was just wonderful. There are always animals at night. The owls are awake and the noises are so much louder through the silence.
Errant- brilliant word choice!!!!!:D
Drifts like wisps of cloud- amazing simile!
across the slim sharp saber of the moon's calm
palm fronds rustle, glisten
listen
- "slim sharp saber"- alliteration is so strong!
- "moon's calm"- an extremely peaceful detail. Like the moon is a person and so gentle. Makes us feel as though the night is welcoming and lovely.
glisten
Listen
- ah... The way these words flow and rhyme... Flawless!
All the world
Waits
- when we are waiting, we feel this way- that every moment in existence has been paused and the whole world is silent, still, waiting for that moment our hearts speed up again.
This beautiful night is well-described in your descriptive poem:-)
Usually we write about the mystery, dangers and foreboding feelings of the night, but here you have created a thousand moments so precious that anyone would want to witness, to hear all those sounds and see those ancient mountains and pines- a scenery all will long for after reading your mesmerising poem.
I LOVED this Sharyn!!!!!!! Your best yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO wish I had a six for you:-(
Thank you for a WONDERFUL write!!!!!:-)
Enjoy your evening,
Shenel:-)
xx
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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Gosh, Sharyn! It's... beautiful. What a poem!!
Where do I start?
I know I'm going to run out of words to use to describe how BREATHTAKING your poem is!
We're doing poetry at school so hopefully I can use some of what I'm learning and apply it to your review. With me, the longer my review, this usually means the more I like it!
The use of the words with "C"... Great!
Sea's sighing- fabulous personification of the waves, it's almost like I can hear them with your perfect description:-)
In tranquil cacophony- oh, such a wonderful description! The word "tranquil" is just one of my favourites and works SO well here!
Barks, stirs- excellent onomatopoeia! That part about the animals was just wonderful. There are always animals at night. The owls are awake and the noises are so much louder through the silence.
Errant- brilliant word choice!!!!!:D
Drifts like wisps of cloud- amazing simile!
across the slim sharp saber of the moon's calm
palm fronds rustle, glisten
listen
- "slim sharp saber"- alliteration is so strong!
- "moon's calm"- an extremely peaceful detail. Like the moon is a person and so gentle. Makes us feel as though the night is welcoming and lovely.
glisten
Listen
- ah... The way these words flow and rhyme... Flawless!
All the world
Waits
- when we are waiting, we feel this way- that every moment in existence has been paused and the whole world is silent, still, waiting for that moment our hearts speed up again.
This beautiful night is well-described in your descriptive poem:-)
Usually we write about the mystery, dangers and foreboding feelings of the night, but here you have created a thousand moments so precious that anyone would want to witness, to hear all those sounds and see those ancient mountains and pines- a scenery all will long for after reading your mesmerising poem.
I LOVED this Sharyn!!!!!!! Your best yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO wish I had a six for you:-(
Thank you for a WONDERFUL write!!!!!:-)
Enjoy your evening,
Shenel:-)
xx
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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Wow! shenel, your review is in itself a piece of poetry! What you're noticing about the "moon's calm" by the way is called "assonance" i.e. the use of the long vowels echoes the peace and quiet - similar effect to onomatapoemia.
bless you for your gorgeous review my dear!
:)Sharyn
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Thanks Sharyn for a great reply and that piece of useful info that I can impress my teacher with on Monday...:-) thank you for a wonderful write it was a pleasure reading:-)
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and I also apologize for not being able to nominate you as helpful reviewer! I'm afraid I've used my six this month already, but I owe you one, ok?
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Ah! Don't be silly:-) Those votes are precious and this review wasn't my attempt to get one:-) You're too kind!
Comment from angelmagnet
I like the flurry of C's in your poem before you mention the word cacophony. That seems to tie the beginning of the poem to the end. I like it
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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I like the flurry of C's in your poem before you mention the word cacophony. That seems to tie the beginning of the poem to the end. I like it
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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thx Cindy! :)Sharyn
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Gorgeous colourful images, soft and silky but colourful flow of thoughts and infinite visual portrayal I enjoyed, conviction conveyed about still and silence, all the world waits for the cacophony of midnight blue, simple approaches of feeling and emotion about the colour is appreciable. 10/223
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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Gorgeous colourful images, soft and silky but colourful flow of thoughts and infinite visual portrayal I enjoyed, conviction conveyed about still and silence, all the world waits for the cacophony of midnight blue, simple approaches of feeling and emotion about the colour is appreciable. 10/223
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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thx dear!! :)S
Comment from ravenblack
love your painting ion hues of midnight blue. I particularly like the transition - palm fronds rustle, glisten/ listen..." which permits you to rapid-fire descriptions of the night w/ out having to intrude and literally say listen. rhyming listen w/glisten, the use of rhyme as transition, tells the reader w/out telling them that the poet is saying listen. I hope this makes sense as when i'm typing, it sounds less and less coherent. let's just say, great use of the poetic toolbox.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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love your painting ion hues of midnight blue. I particularly like the transition - palm fronds rustle, glisten/ listen..." which permits you to rapid-fire descriptions of the night w/ out having to intrude and literally say listen. rhyming listen w/glisten, the use of rhyme as transition, tells the reader w/out telling them that the poet is saying listen. I hope this makes sense as when i'm typing, it sounds less and less coherent. let's just say, great use of the poetic toolbox.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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thx so much rb ... :)))
Comment from MizKat
Sharyn - This is a pretty poem too. I like how you wrote it because it's not only nice but very interesting too. Thanks for sharing. Kat
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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Sharyn - This is a pretty poem too. I like how you wrote it because it's not only nice but very interesting too. Thanks for sharing. Kat
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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thx kat! :)S
Comment from dmt1967
I like the style of this poem it is really good I like the picture and the dark blue background and the way the poet makes the world stop thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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I like the style of this poem it is really good I like the picture and the dark blue background and the way the poet makes the world stop thank you for sharing
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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thx dmt!
Comment from words
This is utterly perfect.
I felt calmed just reading it.
Love it all and I especially loved this sequence:palm fronds rustle, glisten
listen ...
barks
the stray dog
swoops
the white owl
stirs
the cow, searching for her calf
an errant rooster forgets what time it is
ticks
the clock
crows
tocks
mere seconds apart
The truth is, I loved each and every sequence.
Bravo!!!!!!!!!
You make me glad that I am on this site.
Hugs, your fan d
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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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This is utterly perfect.
I felt calmed just reading it.
Love it all and I especially loved this sequence:palm fronds rustle, glisten
listen ...
barks
the stray dog
swoops
the white owl
stirs
the cow, searching for her calf
an errant rooster forgets what time it is
ticks
the clock
crows
tocks
mere seconds apart
The truth is, I loved each and every sequence.
Bravo!!!!!!!!!
You make me glad that I am on this site.
Hugs, your fan d
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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thx so much d. - I think we have a mutual admiration society going strong here, hmm? I always love your stuff too! :)))
Comment from Galactia
How stunning is this free verse poem.
love the lines...
I sip
sweet 'n soothing
hot chocolate
and
wait
for you
to slip
in beside me
hip to hip
and breathe my breath
all the world
waits
in tranquil
cacophony
of
midnight blue
HOT:)
great job
Regards
Tia
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
|
How stunning is this free verse poem.
love the lines...
I sip
sweet 'n soothing
hot chocolate
and
wait
for you
to slip
in beside me
hip to hip
and breathe my breath
all the world
waits
in tranquil
cacophony
of
midnight blue
HOT:)
great job
Regards
Tia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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thx so much Tia! :)S