All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Bleached Beaches"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
74 total reviews
Comment from AprilShower
This certainly does show loneliness. It has abrupt change in it. We don't know if they are divorced or if he passed on, but still the feeling is there in the finger where the sun did not tan. Good writing, Visionary.
April
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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This certainly does show loneliness. It has abrupt change in it. We don't know if they are divorced or if he passed on, but still the feeling is there in the finger where the sun did not tan. Good writing, Visionary.
April
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for reading & reviewing, April!
:) Sharyn
Comment from Mai Mai
This is an interesting piece. It has a nice flow to it. I like the playfulness it presents. I'm not sure if you actually meet the criteria of the contest. I don't get a sense of loneliness from this poem, but more whimsical. Good luck.
Mai Mai
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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This is an interesting piece. It has a nice flow to it. I like the playfulness it presents. I'm not sure if you actually meet the criteria of the contest. I don't get a sense of loneliness from this poem, but more whimsical. Good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much, Mai Mai - plenty of lonely there, my dear - just re-read the 2nd verse! :) Sharyn
Comment from c_lucas
Love in bloom glistens
Lovers willing to listen
If love dies, all's not is lost
Back into the ring,your hat is toss
***********unedited
I like the allegory of comparing love to peaches. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Love in bloom glistens
Lovers willing to listen
If love dies, all's not is lost
Back into the ring,your hat is toss
***********unedited
I like the allegory of comparing love to peaches. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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thx so much Charlie! :) Sharyn
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You're welcome, Sharyn. Charlie
Comment from Gregory K Shipman
Such a wonder, Sharyn... such a wonder. A masterful poem with such balanced perfection. A opening stanza that paints such a beautiful picture... imagery, love and so much more...
And then stanza two... stanza two which takes that imagery and shifts the light... darkness abounds by shifting the scene... and such an ending... a rush of imagery with a brilliant last line that says it all... 'hiding from the sun'...
I shall not forget
greg
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Such a wonder, Sharyn... such a wonder. A masterful poem with such balanced perfection. A opening stanza that paints such a beautiful picture... imagery, love and so much more...
And then stanza two... stanza two which takes that imagery and shifts the light... darkness abounds by shifting the scene... and such an ending... a rush of imagery with a brilliant last line that says it all... 'hiding from the sun'...
I shall not forget
greg
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Bless you for vibing with this one, Greg! So often, for me, pain is remembered in terms of a physical setting - beauty only makes things worse sometimes!!! I do appreciate your fine attention to the details, my dear.
:)Sharyn
Comment from McMurry903
I love this poem as you engaged the reader with good alliteration of b words and such strong imagery of a delightful scene. Then as the love collapsed you showed deep loneliness. Great work, I wish you the best of luck in this contest! Brian :)
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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I love this poem as you engaged the reader with good alliteration of b words and such strong imagery of a delightful scene. Then as the love collapsed you showed deep loneliness. Great work, I wish you the best of luck in this contest! Brian :)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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thank you Brian!
Comment from squid152
Quite the free verse you have here. I loved sweet peaches and ice cream dreams. Last 3 lines through me for a loop. Good luck in the contest.-Gary
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Quite the free verse you have here. I loved sweet peaches and ice cream dreams. Last 3 lines through me for a loop. Good luck in the contest.-Gary
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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thx Gary! how did the last 3 lines throw you for a loop?
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The imagery of your 3rd finger on your left hand blocking the sun. The 3rd finger is the hardest one to make stand up.
Comment from twinklepoems
Hi, I liked how your compared the happy lovely all is perfect brightness of life with when everything had gone wrong. I also liked how you tied it in with the happiness of just getting married and when the marriage has ended. I like your word pictures especially "peaches soured, cream congeled." Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Hi, I liked how your compared the happy lovely all is perfect brightness of life with when everything had gone wrong. I also liked how you tied it in with the happiness of just getting married and when the marriage has ended. I like your word pictures especially "peaches soured, cream congeled." Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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thx twinks!
Comment from Katherine2
Wow! This is an excellent poem. I loved the ways your words twisted and turned, heavy with consonants, as well as heavy with meaning. Good job! Good luck in the contest.~Katherine
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Wow! This is an excellent poem. I loved the ways your words twisted and turned, heavy with consonants, as well as heavy with meaning. Good job! Good luck in the contest.~Katherine
Comment Written 30-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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thx so much Katherine! :)
Comment from ChelseaMoore
Your imagery is great. I love your descriptions, they are interesting to me. I can't get over how much I like the words you used. Your creativity really shows in this poem. I think the picture compliments it as well. Thanks for the read.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Your imagery is great. I love your descriptions, they are interesting to me. I can't get over how much I like the words you used. Your creativity really shows in this poem. I think the picture compliments it as well. Thanks for the read.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much Chelsea - your wonderful '6' was such a lovely treat! So glad you enjoyed my piece.
Comment from honeytree
Excellent art work and words written.
When we are loved walking hand in hand
With someone can be very special.
When this love fades the loneliness can be felt within us.
When someone hurts us would be hard to forget.
Honey tree.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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Excellent art work and words written.
When we are loved walking hand in hand
With someone can be very special.
When this love fades the loneliness can be felt within us.
When someone hurts us would be hard to forget.
Honey tree.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2012
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thx so much Honeytree!