All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Colors of Life"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
85 total reviews
Comment from Hollyhock
Sorry, I'm a bit late picking this one up. Haven't the stars to give you but as you won the contest anyway - congratulations.
Had I seen this earlier I would have recognized the style, even without the name! It is interesting to see how you have made this work in a completely different subject area.
The child and her perspective is absolutely delightful and rings so true. (Are there the seeds of another script here?)
I love the connection between Jesus and Santa, apart from the whiskers I suppose to a child they are very similar anyway!
I also loved the final PS,and you remembered the capital letters.
Very entertaining and should make Sunday school teachers/ teachers/parents think about the way children's minds work.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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Sorry, I'm a bit late picking this one up. Haven't the stars to give you but as you won the contest anyway - congratulations.
Had I seen this earlier I would have recognized the style, even without the name! It is interesting to see how you have made this work in a completely different subject area.
The child and her perspective is absolutely delightful and rings so true. (Are there the seeds of another script here?)
I love the connection between Jesus and Santa, apart from the whiskers I suppose to a child they are very similar anyway!
I also loved the final PS,and you remembered the capital letters.
Very entertaining and should make Sunday school teachers/ teachers/parents think about the way children's minds work.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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hi Holly ... there you are ... haven't seen you round for a while ... so you recognize my style, hmm? thx so much for your review - I got some wowser ones on this one, proving the "nice nice old old lady" is still alive and well, dammit! I was actually surprised I won with this piece - but happy, yeah! :) Sharyn
Comment from chasdflynn
The story is cute and the writing is well done. The actual content, well that is a personal belief. I found the little kids point of view putting a smile on my face. He did not understand who HE was and perhaps that would make for a better world, if we let children teach us instead of us forcing our beliefs on them. However on a lighter note the ryhme was wonderful and the poem flowed very nicely.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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The story is cute and the writing is well done. The actual content, well that is a personal belief. I found the little kids point of view putting a smile on my face. He did not understand who HE was and perhaps that would make for a better world, if we let children teach us instead of us forcing our beliefs on them. However on a lighter note the ryhme was wonderful and the poem flowed very nicely.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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I'm an agnostic if that helps dear - spiritual, yes - religious, no. :)
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Yes that helps as I am as well. Thanks for the info, as it helps me to understand your work better.
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The poem itself is brilliant and I love the way you brought the child's point of view in to. You do write beautifully.
Comment from donaldww
This is an interesting that is ostensibly of a spiritual nature, about Jesus and his little known relationship with Santa Claus. I wonder what Mrs. Claus thinks about that revelation.
I went to church as a kid, and no one ever told us that we had to use capital letters when referring to Jesus or God when using the pronouns he, him, his, etc. Although we do capitalize the h in Jesus H. Christ.
God is more practical in Canada and prefers that we stick to standard English grammar.
Good luck with the contest. I'm sure he will put in a good word for you.
DW
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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This is an interesting that is ostensibly of a spiritual nature, about Jesus and his little known relationship with Santa Claus. I wonder what Mrs. Claus thinks about that revelation.
I went to church as a kid, and no one ever told us that we had to use capital letters when referring to Jesus or God when using the pronouns he, him, his, etc. Although we do capitalize the h in Jesus H. Christ.
God is more practical in Canada and prefers that we stick to standard English grammar.
Good luck with the contest. I'm sure he will put in a good word for you.
DW
Comment Written 20-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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ostensibly, hmm? Actually I'm an agnostic DW ... :)
Comment from rgabel
Humorous look through a child's eyes at the confusion of deities. I had to laugh, especially since I think I had that Sunday school teacher. What innocence is portrayed in this little one's world. She is happy to put it all in place where she thinks it should be. Great job.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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Humorous look through a child's eyes at the confusion of deities. I had to laugh, especially since I think I had that Sunday school teacher. What innocence is portrayed in this little one's world. She is happy to put it all in place where she thinks it should be. Great job.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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thx! please do elucidate your '4' though - if you award a '4' we would definitely ask that you say where improvement is needed please - I'm always ready to listen! :)
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You know, being new here, I struggle with the rating system. I'm not sure where to apply it at times. How does one rate a poem? Are there rules to it's structure? I rated it good, because you wrote it well. I wasn't fond of the format, but, couldn't tell you if it was right or wrong. I was also uncomfortable with the way the subject matter was handled, but that's my own personal opinion, which, if you are being black and white in a set rating system, should probably not enter in.
So thank you for pointing out on how to rate better. Improvement? Really nothing. I have to be brutally honest and say it just didn't grab me as others did. So take a big sigh of relief and just chalk it up to artist preference and know I will be more careful of rating in the future. Thanks for your understanding. Robynn
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I'm relatively new on FS too Robynn (really only since May, though I've belonged for longer than that) - but I've found that if something doesn't "grab" me, it's better to skip and move on, rather than "judge" and give a "4" based on a personal opinion/ bias. There's no real "right" or "wrong" as far as structure goes, and personal opinion should not be a part of the system. Some people prefer metered poetry, others free verse. Others are biased by religious beliefs (I once had a reverend give me a '3' because I used a "cuss" word). But if you rate something a "4" then it IS extremely important to say what adjustments you'd suggest - otherwise it's very annoying to the author. My two cents worth my dear. Best wishes, Sharyn
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I totally agree with you. That's why I was so uncertain. You explained it perfectly. And I really agree about skipping over it. I thought once I was on the page, I had to reply. I'm so sorry to have offended. Will do better in the future.
Comment from notdeadyet
Oh my, how children get messed up by grown ups! I remember my son prayed and at the end said, "and bring presents!". I set him straight, though. This is a very telling poem. Very well done, too.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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Oh my, how children get messed up by grown ups! I remember my son prayed and at the end said, "and bring presents!". I set him straight, though. This is a very telling poem. Very well done, too.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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sounds like our kids went to the same Sunday School!!! thx so much ndy (glad you're not!) :)
Comment from rhymelord
Dear ???,
Yes and little ones often speak in HUGE CAPITALS as well. This is a wonderful twist on spirituality and it is Oh so symptomatic of how some church Sunday school teachers look at life and religion.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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Dear ???,
Yes and little ones often speak in HUGE CAPITALS as well. This is a wonderful twist on spirituality and it is Oh so symptomatic of how some church Sunday school teachers look at life and religion.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 19-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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thx so much Reg - I BARELY restrained myself from using a LOT of capitals, can you tell? Bless you, my dear! :)
Comment from artemis53
This is wonderful and I truly enjoyed your notes. I'm sure He/She doesn't mind. You've portrayed a childs thoughts in such an explicit and accurate way especially with the misunderstanding of the adults for those truly pure of heart.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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This is wonderful and I truly enjoyed your notes. I'm sure He/She doesn't mind. You've portrayed a childs thoughts in such an explicit and accurate way especially with the misunderstanding of the adults for those truly pure of heart.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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thx Diane!
Comment from Alexmi1984
That was deep and cute, at the same time. You've really shown how a 7 year old girl thinks and talks and it seemed as though it was fun to write.
Great job!!
Alex :)
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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That was deep and cute, at the same time. You've really shown how a 7 year old girl thinks and talks and it seemed as though it was fun to write.
Great job!!
Alex :)
Comment Written 19-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2012
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thx Alex!
Comment from Gungalo
There must be some trick to making the italics word for they haven't here. You'll learn not to put to much stock into what the children have to say. LOL.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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There must be some trick to making the italics word for they haven't here. You'll learn not to put to much stock into what the children have to say. LOL.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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are you saying you don't LIKE the italics how I've used them?
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I'm saying I don't SEE any italics!!
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ok - now I'm REALLY confused - italics were only in a few words in the poem - they show up when I read it - why would you mention italics if you can't SEE them??? You're sending me nuts here Gungalo.
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I mention them because you mention them if your author's notes!! And I guess if you one have them on a few word after reading it again I see them. Perhaps it is hard to see.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
This is really a fine funny-caricature poetry. Reads funny like a children comic book. Good one and your fumbling drawings.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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This is really a fine funny-caricature poetry. Reads funny like a children comic book. Good one and your fumbling drawings.
ola thomas
Comment Written 19-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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thx Ola!