Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "part 1 Chapter 14"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
64 total reviews
Comment from RebelRose
It's a good thing Troy is close by. I hope he makes it to the boy before the dog does. Once again, he will come to Anna's rescue, or in this case, Michael's. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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It's a good thing Troy is close by. I hope he makes it to the boy before the dog does. Once again, he will come to Anna's rescue, or in this case, Michael's. Good chapter.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Chris Tee
Wow! Barbara you are now keeping is in suspense here old sport.
I just hope troy will stop the darn dog,
Well done with another splendid part here ma'am.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Wow! Barbara you are now keeping is in suspense here old sport.
I just hope troy will stop the darn dog,
Well done with another splendid part here ma'am.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Readywriter52
It seems like life is settling down into a routine. Anna and Michael seem happy. Anna and Troy get together regularly. I hope that Troy can get to Michael before the dog scares Michael.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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It seems like life is settling down into a routine. Anna and Michael seem happy. Anna and Troy get together regularly. I hope that Troy can get to Michael before the dog scares Michael.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
What a way to end-now I will worry all week about the dog and Michael. Well written and informational as always. Have a good week!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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What a way to end-now I will worry all week about the dog and Michael. Well written and informational as always. Have a good week!!! Debbie
Comment Written 12-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from gypsynet
a sense of foreboding heightens as a mystery man creeps again into the secene.. throught patterns stir the imagination as the seqience of events go from safe to scary; an unending ripple of danger cascades.. how does troy fit into all this?.. good stuff!
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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a sense of foreboding heightens as a mystery man creeps again into the secene.. throught patterns stir the imagination as the seqience of events go from safe to scary; an unending ripple of danger cascades.. how does troy fit into all this?.. good stuff!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
The question is will Troy be able to keep the dog away from Michael. This is well written, Barbara. However, you kind of left us up in the air at the end. I hope Michael will be okay. I enjoyed the chapter.
April
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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The question is will Troy be able to keep the dog away from Michael. This is well written, Barbara. However, you kind of left us up in the air at the end. I hope Michael will be okay. I enjoyed the chapter.
April
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara.
Comment from bookishfabler
That evening Anna carried Michael inside the apartment and made sure she locked the door. As she set Michael down, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the display and answered, "Hello, Troy." She listened and then said, "Yes, I'm home. Everything seems fine. I just walked in the door. I needed to make a few stops before I picked up Michael." She listened again. "If I need anything, I promise I'll call." She laughed. "You're worse than a mother hen, but I do appreciate it." After she listened again, she said, "Bye, I'll see you around noon. Thank you again."
This is jst my opinion, and really does not take away from anything, but, I feel like the action tags a re a bit stiff.
Anna carried Michael inside the apartment and checked the locks twice. As she set Michael down, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the dispaly before answering. "hello, Troy." She glanced at her son sleeping."Yes, I'm home. Everything's fine. I just walked in the doo. Yes, I just needed to make a few stops before I picked him up." She made her way into the kitchen as she listened. "If I need anything, I promise I'll call." She laughed. "You'reworse than a mother hen,but i appreiate it." Anna opened the refrigerator and peeked in, not sure what she was looking for. "Okay, bye. I'll see you around noon. Thanks again."
(The resaon why I brought it up, is because in this pararagh you keep telling us she listened. Just make her do something while she's listening, it doesn't have to be what I said, but picture yourself on the phone. are you doodling on a pad? lighting a cigarette? pouring a glass of wine? eating ice cream? something to make it more natural.
As she turned the page, her telephone rang. Her eyes widened as her head turned toward the kitchen. It's
( you say turned twice- how about she flipped the page, or she looked toward the kitchen?)
the very next paragraph you say turned again twice.
Anna rolled over, then turned back and faced the phone. "I know how to fix the problem." She got out of bed, moved the nightstand, and unplugged the telephone. "Now I can get some sleep. I doubt I'll hear the kitchen phone." Anna turned the light off, then crawled back in bed. Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Troy. I wonder where we'll eat. It doesn't matter. Anywhere will be special.
She set Michael inside the walker with a graham cracker
Did the walker have a graham cracker? How about, she gave Michael a graham cracker and set him inside the walker.?)
He smiled at Anna's blue jean covered rear end sticking out from the car. She looks good in jeans.
Okay, let's be frank here, I noticed you do not use any foul language in this, so, I would go with just he stared at her rear, and lose the blue jean, since you mention the jeans right after.
I think with a bit of tweeking, it is a great
lots of hugs
book
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2011
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That evening Anna carried Michael inside the apartment and made sure she locked the door. As she set Michael down, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the display and answered, "Hello, Troy." She listened and then said, "Yes, I'm home. Everything seems fine. I just walked in the door. I needed to make a few stops before I picked up Michael." She listened again. "If I need anything, I promise I'll call." She laughed. "You're worse than a mother hen, but I do appreciate it." After she listened again, she said, "Bye, I'll see you around noon. Thank you again."
This is jst my opinion, and really does not take away from anything, but, I feel like the action tags a re a bit stiff.
Anna carried Michael inside the apartment and checked the locks twice. As she set Michael down, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the dispaly before answering. "hello, Troy." She glanced at her son sleeping."Yes, I'm home. Everything's fine. I just walked in the doo. Yes, I just needed to make a few stops before I picked him up." She made her way into the kitchen as she listened. "If I need anything, I promise I'll call." She laughed. "You'reworse than a mother hen,but i appreiate it." Anna opened the refrigerator and peeked in, not sure what she was looking for. "Okay, bye. I'll see you around noon. Thanks again."
(The resaon why I brought it up, is because in this pararagh you keep telling us she listened. Just make her do something while she's listening, it doesn't have to be what I said, but picture yourself on the phone. are you doodling on a pad? lighting a cigarette? pouring a glass of wine? eating ice cream? something to make it more natural.
As she turned the page, her telephone rang. Her eyes widened as her head turned toward the kitchen. It's
( you say turned twice- how about she flipped the page, or she looked toward the kitchen?)
the very next paragraph you say turned again twice.
Anna rolled over, then turned back and faced the phone. "I know how to fix the problem." She got out of bed, moved the nightstand, and unplugged the telephone. "Now I can get some sleep. I doubt I'll hear the kitchen phone." Anna turned the light off, then crawled back in bed. Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Troy. I wonder where we'll eat. It doesn't matter. Anywhere will be special.
She set Michael inside the walker with a graham cracker
Did the walker have a graham cracker? How about, she gave Michael a graham cracker and set him inside the walker.?)
He smiled at Anna's blue jean covered rear end sticking out from the car. She looks good in jeans.
Okay, let's be frank here, I noticed you do not use any foul language in this, so, I would go with just he stared at her rear, and lose the blue jean, since you mention the jeans right after.
I think with a bit of tweeking, it is a great
lots of hugs
book
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2011
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Sorry it took so long to get this review answered. I had a horrible week. Everthing hit at once. I made every change you suggested. Thank you for an honest review.
Comment from The Stranger
thank you for all your wonderful writing that has kept me entertained during my long and lonely nights, merry christmas to you and your family..xx
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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thank you for all your wonderful writing that has kept me entertained during my long and lonely nights, merry christmas to you and your family..xx
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from amada
Oh no...This is a very suspenseful chapter! A child will be missing! I can feel that in my bones, being a mother and everything. I can't wait till the next installment.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Oh no...This is a very suspenseful chapter! A child will be missing! I can feel that in my bones, being a mother and everything. I can't wait till the next installment.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent.
The story moved forward briskly and kept me riveted. I like the way you ended with the dog leaping towards Michael. I can't wait to read what happened next.
Wishing you good health.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Excellent.
The story moved forward briskly and kept me riveted. I like the way you ended with the dog leaping towards Michael. I can't wait to read what happened next.
Wishing you good health.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.