Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Smiler Jack"A collection of my poems
75 total reviews
Comment from honeytree
Great art work and the words were so special.
We can have our sad and not so good times in life.
When one reads your words a tear would be shed.
I felt these words were great to read.
My uncle lost his leg on the Burma Railway.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Great art work and the words were so special.
We can have our sad and not so good times in life.
When one reads your words a tear would be shed.
I felt these words were great to read.
My uncle lost his leg on the Burma Railway.
Honey tree
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from bokeh
You hold consistent anapestic rhythm that flows easily and keeps the reader engaged in your story. A relatively unused meter that I enjoy when done well, and you did an excellent job using it to your advantage. A thoughtful well-conceived piece that invests the reader in both an important historical event and personal travail. I thorougly enjoyed the story and appreciate the technical expertise.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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You hold consistent anapestic rhythm that flows easily and keeps the reader engaged in your story. A relatively unused meter that I enjoy when done well, and you did an excellent job using it to your advantage. A thoughtful well-conceived piece that invests the reader in both an important historical event and personal travail. I thorougly enjoyed the story and appreciate the technical expertise.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the intelligent and thoughtful review.
Steve
Comment from SaluteDobby
I am disappointed that this didn't win the contest. You've written this beautifully! I loved the way the story flows. A bit sad, a little funny, a little wistful. I liked the one you entered in the contest-the one with the happy ending :)
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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I am disappointed that this didn't win the contest. You've written this beautifully! I loved the way the story flows. A bit sad, a little funny, a little wistful. I liked the one you entered in the contest-the one with the happy ending :)
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you!
It is really hard to win one of the site contests (the ones with the $100 cash prize), I did win one once when I least expected it in a sonnet contest, but I would really like to be successful in this category.
Steve
Comment from jgirlie152
This is by far one of the most interesting and well written poems on fanstory in a long time. If I could give you more than six stars I would. Your rhythm and rhyme and the story you tell is interesting from start to finish. I like your original ending more than the alternative....it's nice to think there could be a happy ending.
If this does not win the contest, someone is rigging the decisions.
Best wishes, Joan
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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This is by far one of the most interesting and well written poems on fanstory in a long time. If I could give you more than six stars I would. Your rhythm and rhyme and the story you tell is interesting from start to finish. I like your original ending more than the alternative....it's nice to think there could be a happy ending.
If this does not win the contest, someone is rigging the decisions.
Best wishes, Joan
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Joan, thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars.
This is a 'revived' post from a couple of years ago so the contest is done and dusted.
It is really hard to win one of the site contests (the ones with the $100 cash prize), I did win one once when I least expected it in a sonnet contest, but I would really like to be successful in this category.
Steve
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I know how hard it is. When I read some of the very finest, I think I will never win the prize. This one is fine and should have been on top.
Joan
Comment from Terror2s
I am a sucker for the happy endings, so I preferred the original tale. Although in the real world, it is probably better not to take him back. Sorry you didn't win, but this was a pleasure to read. T2
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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I am a sucker for the happy endings, so I preferred the original tale. Although in the real world, it is probably better not to take him back. Sorry you didn't win, but this was a pleasure to read. T2
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you - I appreciate the kind words and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Spitfire
What a masterpiece! Sounds like so many of the older poems that survived generations. Beautiful lilt when read aloud. Your rhymes so effortless. What a joy to read.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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What a masterpiece! Sounds like so many of the older poems that survived generations. Beautiful lilt when read aloud. Your rhymes so effortless. What a joy to read.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from ravenblack
Quite an ambitious piece and you do tell a good story in verse. I just think that it could be shorter. Just think that you went a bit long when Jack was telling the story of his life.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Quite an ambitious piece and you do tell a good story in verse. I just think that it could be shorter. Just think that you went a bit long when Jack was telling the story of his life.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from Righteous Riter
Although this is a fairly long piece, the writer does a good of keeping the readers attention. The writer stays consistent with the aabb rhyme scheme. The rhyming is good. This piece flows well as the writer does good of not forcing the rhymes. I like this. Good job and best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Although this is a fairly long piece, the writer does a good of keeping the readers attention. The writer stays consistent with the aabb rhyme scheme. The rhyming is good. This piece flows well as the writer does good of not forcing the rhymes. I like this. Good job and best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from ravenriter
This is truly excellent -- I have no suggestions or criticisms, I just wanted to tell you how much I like it!
Now, THAT'S telling a story in a poem!
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2011
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This is truly excellent -- I have no suggestions or criticisms, I just wanted to tell you how much I like it!
Now, THAT'S telling a story in a poem!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2011
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Thanks for the review - glad you liked my 'Smiler' - did you see the alternative ending in my portfolio as 'Who's Smiling Now?'
Steve
Comment from BarnCat
Excellent story within a wonderful poem Steve. I appreciated your historical references from WWII and the reminder that many countries lost young men in that war and also Vietnam. Your "sound" brought poet Robert Service to mind, though your voice comes through it. Sincely done. D
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2011
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Excellent story within a wonderful poem Steve. I appreciated your historical references from WWII and the reminder that many countries lost young men in that war and also Vietnam. Your "sound" brought poet Robert Service to mind, though your voice comes through it. Sincely done. D
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2011
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Thanks for the review - Robert Service was one of my Dad's favourites - I love 'The Cremation of Sam McGee'
Steve