Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Thoroughly Modern Willy"A collection of my poems
40 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, kiwisteveh, a great job writing this poem about the preen me a princess contest, too tough for my blood, i enjoyed reading it and wish you good luck wishes
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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this is very well written, kiwisteveh, a great job writing this poem about the preen me a princess contest, too tough for my blood, i enjoyed reading it and wish you good luck wishes
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thanks for the review and the wishes. This promises to be a fun contest.
Steve
Comment from Artie R. Sandbaggs
Wow, this was impressive. You stuck to the guidelines and made it feel like there weren't any to begin with. I think my only disappointment is that I didn't see any mention of a pearl necklace or a teabag. I think you could get away with those references if you wanted, the poem has a rather Italian structure with the couplet finale, but if Shakespeare could get away with it why can't you?
I also appreciated the fact that it had a sad ending, it certainly gave your jabs a realistic touch to it, since you wound up emphasizing her humanity in her self degradation. Although it risks venturing into the land of chauvinism for focusing on the woman's exploits instead of blaming the men, I nevertheless respect your message and think you did an expert job and presenting that to the reader in true poetic form. Good show
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Wow, this was impressive. You stuck to the guidelines and made it feel like there weren't any to begin with. I think my only disappointment is that I didn't see any mention of a pearl necklace or a teabag. I think you could get away with those references if you wanted, the poem has a rather Italian structure with the couplet finale, but if Shakespeare could get away with it why can't you?
I also appreciated the fact that it had a sad ending, it certainly gave your jabs a realistic touch to it, since you wound up emphasizing her humanity in her self degradation. Although it risks venturing into the land of chauvinism for focusing on the woman's exploits instead of blaming the men, I nevertheless respect your message and think you did an expert job and presenting that to the reader in true poetic form. Good show
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thanks for your kind review - it was a struggle to get some of the required phrases wrangled into the rhyme and rhytm I wanted, not to mention twisting the content so they didn't jar too much.
As for jabs, I seldom do that deliberately, although I do see how some might take this as social comment - it's mainly just a piece of froth and fun!
Comment from Dutchie
O yes I like this poem. One with mixed feelings, very clever. The rhyme was excellent and the flow just great.
When I want to laugh I'm searching a poem of you. Success guaranteed. Thanks for sharing Fia
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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O yes I like this poem. One with mixed feelings, very clever. The rhyme was excellent and the flow just great.
When I want to laugh I'm searching a poem of you. Success guaranteed. Thanks for sharing Fia
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thanks, Fia.
It is my ambition to make people laugh, so thanks for the comment!
Steve
Comment from tx
HI this is an excellent piece of poetry and a joy to read the rhyming is great from beginning to end as the life of a princess with too much time, money and good looks good luck
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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HI this is an excellent piece of poetry and a joy to read the rhyming is great from beginning to end as the life of a princess with too much time, money and good looks good luck
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you!
tx as in Texas?
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Far Far away Australia, tx is short for my name with a x
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
You did excellently. Fulfilled all the requirments,and then some. Great story/poem. Good structure,flow and rhyme. Very well written.
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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You did excellently. Fulfilled all the requirments,and then some. Great story/poem. Good structure,flow and rhyme. Very well written.
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you for your review. There are some very funny poems in this contest!
Comment from moyramouse
Bravo!!!!!! I am on my feet! Absolutely fantastic, Steve. This is exactly how it should be done and in my book you are a clear contest winner.
Willy Want-Sitt-More - what a clever name:):):) So many lines had me howling with laughter. No black pudding then..... maybe a stick too far!
Watch the tiny spag with 'will try to smap(snap) her sans her knickers'
All hail, King Steve!!!! xxxxmouse
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Bravo!!!!!! I am on my feet! Absolutely fantastic, Steve. This is exactly how it should be done and in my book you are a clear contest winner.
Willy Want-Sitt-More - what a clever name:):):) So many lines had me howling with laughter. No black pudding then..... maybe a stick too far!
Watch the tiny spag with 'will try to smap(snap) her sans her knickers'
All hail, King Steve!!!! xxxxmouse
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Ah, don't be crowning me just yet! Your own piece is just as clever and excels in different ways with its pseudo-mythology, and I'm sure more great efforts will come out of the woodwork in the next couple of weeks.
Thanks for the spag alert.
Steve
Comment from laren
A real description of actual princesses, thanks for the humor sense, like a good comedy it has a a touch of tragedy at the end.
Congratulations!
Laren
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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A real description of actual princesses, thanks for the humor sense, like a good comedy it has a a touch of tragedy at the end.
Congratulations!
Laren
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Gracias, Laren.
I appreciate your kind review - my poem is directed at princesses both real and 'created'
Steve
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Gracias amigo, thankyou for sharing, I really liked your poem.
Laren
Comment from TSPoet
The imagery is wonderful, unimaginative, creative, and sad but funny.
Critique: With Grammar there was several areas that I really was not sure if the spelling is correct. Maybe these are word's to create forced rhyme.
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reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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The imagery is wonderful, unimaginative, creative, and sad but funny.
Critique: With Grammar there was several areas that I really was not sure if the spelling is correct. Maybe these are word's to create forced rhyme.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thanks for the review.
It would be helpful if you could point out which words you think are spelled wrongly or forced to rhyme. Apart from the fanciful surname and the poople fruit (both demanded by the contest rules), I don't believe there are any mistakes.
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My Bad, I did not go over the detail of the rules for this, just the based information above the poem. As far as the grammar, there are several areas of (; and ,) that could be removed. Honestly, not joking. But really, this piece you wrote has choices to do this or not. It was a difficult one to critique.
Comment from LadyCosgrove
This sturdily humorous piece had me on an emotional roller coaster - Horror at such behaviour - laughter at the pure frivolity of the thing and sadness at the so dismal end for such a colourful character.
Great stuff!
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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This sturdily humorous piece had me on an emotional roller coaster - Horror at such behaviour - laughter at the pure frivolity of the thing and sadness at the so dismal end for such a colourful character.
Great stuff!
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thanks for the review and the six stars. This contest has thrown up a number of outbursts of silly rhyming and content - just what it was designed to do!
Steve
Comment from Carolyn 12
LOL--this is so funny..How many so called royalty actually fit this bill-sad but true..Not just royalty but the lifestyles of the rich and infamous..
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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LOL--this is so funny..How many so called royalty actually fit this bill-sad but true..Not just royalty but the lifestyles of the rich and infamous..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thanks for the review - not much serious intent, but maybe a hint of social criticism...