Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Child of God"One Man's Return From Hell
53 total reviews
Comment from Judith Ann
This is an exciting, captivating and powerful story filled with drama and one big hero. I love it! In a time when we so desperately seem to need heroes and role models this story hits the spot. It is well written and well researched. The storyline moves the reader forward with clear writing and also, a unique ending. Well done. This entry should do well in the contest. -Judy
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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This is an exciting, captivating and powerful story filled with drama and one big hero. I love it! In a time when we so desperately seem to need heroes and role models this story hits the spot. It is well written and well researched. The storyline moves the reader forward with clear writing and also, a unique ending. Well done. This entry should do well in the contest. -Judy
Comment Written 21-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Thanks Judy - I appreciate that your read the story and for your kind words. Bill
Comment from light
Bhogg,
Well, this certainly was entertaining. Krav Maga, wow! That is extreme. My son is a second degree black belt in Japanese Karate. Really well written.
Elaine
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Bhogg,
Well, this certainly was entertaining. Krav Maga, wow! That is extreme. My son is a second degree black belt in Japanese Karate. Really well written.
Elaine
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Thanks again!
Comment from RebelRose
Well done, my friend. Very good description of characters with believable dialogue. Very good imagery. Good entry in the strong character contest.
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Well done, my friend. Very good description of characters with believable dialogue. Very good imagery. Good entry in the strong character contest.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Thanks Double-R. One of my reviews asked if I was a fighter. I had to tell them, naw .... I'm a Southerner, a romantic and a lush!
Comment from Sherelynne
What a sad, but touching story.
I thought that Dax's character was very well developed. He seemed to be a very giving type of individual. It seems that he carried the burden of his own daughter's death for many years. Perhaps also carrying unwarranted guilt about his daughter's death. It would also seem that a character sauch as Dax on more than one occasion had helped someone in distress.
I was able to empathize with his thinking and feelings.
Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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What a sad, but touching story.
I thought that Dax's character was very well developed. He seemed to be a very giving type of individual. It seems that he carried the burden of his own daughter's death for many years. Perhaps also carrying unwarranted guilt about his daughter's death. It would also seem that a character sauch as Dax on more than one occasion had helped someone in distress.
I was able to empathize with his thinking and feelings.
Very nicely done.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and for your insight! You summarized my wishes for the character very well!
Comment from RazberryBullet
Great story with a lot of visual impact! No pun intended ;p
Liked these lines: If he tried walking on the gravel, it tended to telegraph right through his thin soles and hurt his feet.;p..The moves that she had seen were Krav Maga moves, taught to him by the Israeli Mossad years ago.!!!.."My name is Lael too."
suggestions: with his left hand and pushed and twisted in down behind /Jakes>Jake's/ back...he pushed /Jakes>Jake's/ fingers and wrist back until they snapped...They were just /laying>lying/ there moaning.
Well done!
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Great story with a lot of visual impact! No pun intended ;p
Liked these lines: If he tried walking on the gravel, it tended to telegraph right through his thin soles and hurt his feet.;p..The moves that she had seen were Krav Maga moves, taught to him by the Israeli Mossad years ago.!!!.."My name is Lael too."
suggestions: with his left hand and pushed and twisted in down behind /Jakes>Jake's/ back...he pushed /Jakes>Jake's/ fingers and wrist back until they snapped...They were just /laying>lying/ there moaning.
Well done!
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Hey RB - thanks for visiting! I'm going to look at your suggestions for sure and I really appreciate them!
Comment from fictionwriter
What a wonderful little story. I'd like to have moves like Dax, but alas, I doubt that will every happen. What an odd coincidence. Great job.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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What a wonderful little story. I'd like to have moves like Dax, but alas, I doubt that will every happen. What an odd coincidence. Great job.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks - I'm glad you enjoyed!
Comment from TexAnn
Your story is very well done. I like it because it was not predictable. Very good entry for the strong character to me because there is much more we could try to guess.
Good Luck, TexAnn
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Your story is very well done. I like it because it was not predictable. Very good entry for the strong character to me because there is much more we could try to guess.
Good Luck, TexAnn
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks TexAnn - this was a stretch for me as I generally write only non-fiction. I do appreciate your reading!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written and a wonderful entry into the contest. i think it has good flow, and a good storyline that i enjoyed reading. i wish you luck in this contest
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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this is very well written and a wonderful entry into the contest. i think it has good flow, and a good storyline that i enjoyed reading. i wish you luck in this contest
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much! I appreciate the support and encouragement.
Comment from words
Well done.
Is this the beginning of a novel?
I see a series with this character.
The characters are finely drawn.
The dialogue is realistic and moves the story forward ... the encounter and fight with the two thugs is realistic.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Well done.
Is this the beginning of a novel?
I see a series with this character.
The characters are finely drawn.
The dialogue is realistic and moves the story forward ... the encounter and fight with the two thugs is realistic.
Very well done.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Well, who knows? Actually this was a real stretch for me as most of my posts are non-fiction. Appreciate the support!
Comment from thequillman
bhog, you are quite the story teller. You kepy my interest from begining to end. I really didn't check for errors the first time around, I was to engrosed in the story. Godd piece of writing. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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bhog, you are quite the story teller. You kepy my interest from begining to end. I really didn't check for errors the first time around, I was to engrosed in the story. Godd piece of writing. Well done.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thanks for reading and for the kind feedback. Bill