Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Innocent Looks"A book of a mixture of stories
73 total reviews
Comment from anabelle
Wow! Creepy. You did a great job with the twist at the end. Love the knife in the pocket and the choosing the next victim.
Best of luck in the contest.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Wow! Creepy. You did a great job with the twist at the end. Love the knife in the pocket and the choosing the next victim.
Best of luck in the contest.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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anabelle,
Thanks so much for the kind review and comments. Carol
Comment from light
Great flash fiction. Good build up to a surprising twist ending. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Best of luck in the contest.
Elaine
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Great flash fiction. Good build up to a surprising twist ending. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Best of luck in the contest.
Elaine
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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light,
Thanks so much for the kind review and comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from flygirl254
This is a wonderful flash fiction. It's one of my own favorite challenges to write a complete story in so few words. You do so here quite masterfully.
I love that you are able to coax so much description in a few sentences. I particularly am impressed with, "My breathing was deafening compared to the silent street." The twist at the very end is terrific. It's one that jumped out as a surprise from a seemingly innocent scene. In other words, it's very well executed.
Great job. I wish you good luck in the contest. This is excellent work!
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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This is a wonderful flash fiction. It's one of my own favorite challenges to write a complete story in so few words. You do so here quite masterfully.
I love that you are able to coax so much description in a few sentences. I particularly am impressed with, "My breathing was deafening compared to the silent street." The twist at the very end is terrific. It's one that jumped out as a surprise from a seemingly innocent scene. In other words, it's very well executed.
Great job. I wish you good luck in the contest. This is excellent work!
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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flygirl,
What a fantastic review. Sorry it took me so long to get to it...but I enjoyed it immensely tonight. Long day and your sunshine lifted my tired spirits. Thank you...Carol
Comment from Amfunny
Great story and I enjoyed this a lot. Loved the little surprise ending. For such a short story you managed to do it very well. :)
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Great story and I enjoyed this a lot. Loved the little surprise ending. For such a short story you managed to do it very well. :)
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Norma Jean,
Thank you for stopping by to read one of my little stories. Appreciate the comments. Carol
Comment from AlvinTEthington
Oh, what a surprising turn at the end. Totally unexpected. You certainly know how to induce fear in a reader. Good job.
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Oh, what a surprising turn at the end. Totally unexpected. You certainly know how to induce fear in a reader. Good job.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Alvin,
Glad you enjoyed! Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ann Smith
I could sense the fear felt by the mom for her daughter out alone. Then came the moment of truth, but then not so much. Getting on the bus seemed to be safe enough. Wrong. I like the twist in the story, it was unexpected. Good luck with the contest. ann
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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I could sense the fear felt by the mom for her daughter out alone. Then came the moment of truth, but then not so much. Getting on the bus seemed to be safe enough. Wrong. I like the twist in the story, it was unexpected. Good luck with the contest. ann
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Glad you enjoyed! Thank you very much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from RebelRose
Quite an interesting flash fiction story with a twist at the end. Well written with good imagery. I saw no nits. Good contest entry.
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Quite an interesting flash fiction story with a twist at the end. Well written with good imagery. I saw no nits. Good contest entry.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Patty,
Patty,
Here I am falling behind as usual. Forgive my tardiness in thanking you for the kind review. Carol
Comment from jadapenn
Indeed gruesome, Smiles. You really need to become a crime writer my friend. I loved this tension filled story. You hook your reader in the beginning and then twist the knife right at the end.
Well written. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Indeed gruesome, Smiles. You really need to become a crime writer my friend. I loved this tension filled story. You hook your reader in the beginning and then twist the knife right at the end.
Well written. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Jada,
I think thrillers might just be my line of writing...I like that surprise ending. Smiles, Carol
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hello Carol!! It's great to be reading your work again! This is a doozy of a story and the ending sent chills down my spine. Excellent!
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Hello Carol!! It's great to be reading your work again! This is a doozy of a story and the ending sent chills down my spine. Excellent!
Indy :>)
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Karyn,
Thanks so much...I really struggle with these short ones, but I'm working on it. Have to get another Frankie story going to lift my spirits too. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sally Carter
Carol, your writing always gives me a buzz of some kind! This one certainly did. I found this thanks to a reviewer called Phaedra, who posted something on the Forum and had this story listed as one of her "must reads". So big thanks to her.
You yourself must know how good this is. Tight, immediate, scary, unexpected. It really has the lot, and you imply horror so cleverly, without needing to show us anything graphic.
Really superb, and a great pleasure to find and read.
Best wishes. Sally
ps Must check out when the voting is due on this one.
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Carol, your writing always gives me a buzz of some kind! This one certainly did. I found this thanks to a reviewer called Phaedra, who posted something on the Forum and had this story listed as one of her "must reads". So big thanks to her.
You yourself must know how good this is. Tight, immediate, scary, unexpected. It really has the lot, and you imply horror so cleverly, without needing to show us anything graphic.
Really superb, and a great pleasure to find and read.
Best wishes. Sally
ps Must check out when the voting is due on this one.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Sally,
Awesome...What a thrill to have my short story appreciated so well. Can't thank you enough for the generous comments. Smiles, Carol