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Contest Entry and Winners

Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Lonely Little Lilly"
Short Stories

41 total reviews 
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
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The sweet little story is suffused with striking alliteration.
Little Lilly left lonely, looks for a distraction.
As she guides her pen under the giant oak, she spots a spider, a snail, and some little songsters building nests.
Later, after mummy softly sings her a song she slips off to slumber.

Good use of alliteratin for the story.

Juliette

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
    Juliette,

    I am so glad that you enjoyed my attempt. Wasn't sure if I had it right or not but others seem to enjoy and I guess that's all I can ask for...Thanks...Carol
Comment from lola29
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Carol, this is just precious and another fine example of your versatility. You never fail to delight and amuse us. Your descriptions are simply divine.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
    Lola,

    Thank you for your generous and kind comments...You are a sweetheart! Smiles, Carol
Comment from Belinda
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Hey... master of words, you can write a dozen of nature poems. alliterative ones too, with the words you've collected for this story of Lonely Little Lilly... Clever Carol creations are always creative. How's that?

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
    Belinda,

    Thank you for the wonderful bit of alliteration and your generous comments as well...Smiles, Carol
Comment from missy98writer
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Carol,
You did a terrific job on your story with alliteration. An excellent children's story about Lonely Little Lilly. Excellent descriptive writing. I love the alliteration from these lines:

woefully wandered around wondering
petulantly pondering
tantalizing topic
would wistfully wile
mundane morning
Nothing, not a note
fancy flowers flouncing

Your story had lovely imagery. The art work you used is cute. Pat yourself on the back for a wonderfully written story. An excellent entry in the contest.
Melissa.

You did a great job. I use alliteration in most of my poetry. Here's a line from my latest poem I posted:
'Where daisies dally and daffodils dwell.'

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 08-Mar-2010
    Melissa,

    Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I always enjoy your comments and the thoughts you share. Smiles, Carol
Comment from misscookie
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Well what ever you did it id marvelous. I thought the artwork was perfect match for e work story
I love and smile from the being to the end.
this is a great little piece.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
    Cookie,

    This was one of those stories that I wasn't even sure I knew what I was doing..Thanks for the kind review. Smiles, Carol
reply by misscookie on 07-Mar-2010
    your welcome, have a evening day.
Comment from c_lucas
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This is a well written children tale with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
    Charlie,

    Thanks so much...I wasn't sure that I knew what I was doing. Appreciate the review. Carol
reply by c_lucas on 06-Mar-2010
    You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from fictionwriter
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Well, that's more like what I've come to expect from you. Sorry to hear about the loss, makes things difficult. I know I posted on Monday, after being out most of the day promoting my new book, Quicksilver, by Joy Spraycar, if you're interested you can check it out at Amazon.com. Anyway, I was tired and my chapter showed it. I love reading your stuff, sorry if I was hard on you. My thoughts and prayer are with you during this difficult time. Your friend, Joy



 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
    Joy,

    I received news that the children's grandmother (my ex-husband's mother) had died. Instead of proofing, I posted so I could talk to them. Thank you for taking the time to find my errors...I've corrected all of it I think. I should have known better especially since I was having such a difficult time with it in the first place. Thanks again. smiles, Carol
Comment from Sasha
Excellent
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I don't now if this is correct either, but I don't care. It is an absolutely delightful, charming, and fun story to read. I got so caught up in it I stopped looking for the repetition. I read it twice, and as far as I can tell you did a very good job. Great entry for the contest (as far as I can tell) and I sincerely wish you all the best.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
    Sasha,

    I held my breath until Brooke wrote and send it was done well....Yeah! thank you for the kind and generous comments and review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
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Odd prompt. Kind of makes things distracting I think, but the story was cute. I think it seems like you might be trying to do doubles and triples of the pattern, that seems to fit, though I'm no expert on alliteration. I tried to compare, to me it looked right, but I'm not certain.

Good luck with this, you are braver than I to try!

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
    Turtle,

    I had no idea whether I had wasted my time attempting or if I had got it right...I held my breath until the first review...Doesn't appear to be how I would want to write a story again though. Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
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I think you did a great job with the alliteration. I like the sound of it. It sort of makes prose sound like poetry. The picture must have insprited the cute story.

careened out of site ( out of sight) I think.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
    Beth, Actually I struggled with the story and when I searched for a picture, I found this one. It was easy to go back in and add a red dress and shoes and the last line about the Teddy Bear. Thanks so much for relieving my mind...I had no idea whether this was right or not. smiles, Carol